Saturday, May 23, 2015

The Defendant

A judge asks a defendant to please stand. "You are charged with murdering a garbage man with a chain saw."

From the back of the courtroom a man shouts, "You lying bastard!"

"Silence in the court!" The judge turns to the defendant again and says, "You are also charged with killing a paperboy with a shovel."

"You tightwad!" blurts the spectator.

"Quiet!" yelled the judge.

"You are also charged with killing a mailman with an electric drill."

"You cheap son of a... " the spectator starts to shout.

The judge thunders back, " I will hold you in contempt! What is the reason for your outbursts?"

"I've lived next to that lying bastard for 10 years now, but do you think he ever had a tool when I needed to borrow one?"

Hat tip: Paul of Mr. Cruiser's Notes
Image Credit: Stratton Law Firm
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40 comments :

  1. Boys and their toys, huh? Would you believe it took Al the better part of a week to find someone to sharpen his chain & pole saw blades and to buy some new blades? A week! In the south, no less. Whodathunkit?

    Hope you have some wonderful in your plans for the weekend! big hugs x0x0

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Most people hire that out now. Do it yourself stuff is getting to be a lot art in many places.

      We're staying home and I'm so happy. We'll go to the boat after all the idiots go home. :)

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  2. LOL - He should think of himself as lucky the guy didn't have the tools wehn he wanted them - who know what he would have done with them.

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    Replies
    1. You're a point Rhonda. I'd not thought of that. :)

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  3. lesson to learn. Always loan out the tools you use as murder weapons. Also known as how to frame your neighbor.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Now we know. Excellent idea. :)

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  4. Yeah, good thing he didn't give him the tools...sounds like he didn't like to 'give' them in a very great way. ;)

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    Replies
    1. Looks that way doesn't it. :)

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  5. Ha,ha,ha. Have a wonderful Saturday Sandee. See ya.

    Cruisin Paul

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks for letting me steal your jokes Paul.

      You have a wonderful Saturday too. :)

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  6. Glad I have GOOD neighbors. Hehe

    Have a wonderful Saturday. Big hugs, honey...

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    Replies
    1. Me too honey, me too. :)

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  7. Hahaha!! Maybe it is lucky for the neighbor that he never actually saw any of the power tools :) Have a wonderful weekend!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You're probably right about that. :)

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  8. Too funny. Glad my neighbor doesn't loan me any tools. I will just use my own. Sandee, you and Zane and Little Bit have a super day.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. We'll use our as well. :)

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  9. What's the legal definition of "tool"?

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    Replies
    1. n. noun

      1. A device, such as a saw, shovel, or drill, used to perform or facilitate manual or mechanical work.
      2. A machine, such as a lathe, used to cut and shape machine parts or other objects.
      3. The cutting part of such a machine.
      4. Something regarded as necessary to the carrying out of one's occupation or profession.
      Words are the tools of our trade.
      5. Something used in the performance of an operation; an instrument.
      6. The penis.
      7. A person used to carry out the designs of another; a dupe.
      8. A bookbinder's hand stamp.
      9. A design impressed on a book cover by such a stamp.
      10. A utility program.

      v. verb

      1. To form, work, or decorate with a tool.
      2. To ornament (a book cover) with a bookbinder's tool.
      3. To drive (a vehicle).
      tooled the car at 80 miles an hour.
      4. To work with a tool.
      5. To drive or ride in a vehicle.
      tooled up and down the roads.

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  10. Replies
    1. Always Joe, always. :)

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  11. LOL I sympathise because he did have a point heheh!

    Have a verdicttastic day Sandee :-h

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Well he did at that. :)

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  12. If you lend out your tools, you might not have the right one for the job when you really need it.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. This is true and most folks have a hard time remembering to return what they borrowed. :)

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  13. Someone is a tool in the courtroom

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Well, there is that. :)

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  14. I have forensics on the brain. It would've been a good idea for the defendant to loan out his tools thereby implicating his neighbor. Of course, loaning out all your tools at once would look pretty damning on you. I have to tell myself this is a joke and not an episode of CSI.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yes, it's just a silly joke. Not CSI. :)

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  15. Replies
    1. I always say Bwahahahahahahaha. :)

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  16. Replies
    1. I agree. I hope you two are having a woof woof day. My best to your peeps. :)

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  17. Laughing...that's too funny. I hope you're having a great week-end Sandee.

    xoxoxo

    Annie

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. We stayed home this weekend to avoid all the idiots that are out on the water. We're having a fabulous weekend. Love you. :)

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  18. I guess he had more important things to do with them.

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    Replies
    1. Apparently so Binky. :)

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  19. sometimes..a guy's most prized possession is his tools :)

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    Replies
    1. Often in many cases. :)

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