Tuesday, February 17, 2015

Church Bulletins

They're Back! Those wonderful Church Bulletins! Thank God for the church ladies with typewriters. These sentences actually appeared in church bulletins or were announced at church services:

The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.

Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.

The sermon this morning: 'Jesus Walks on the Water. ‘The sermon tonight: ‘Searching for Jesus.'

Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.

Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help.

Miss Charlene Mason sang 'I will not pass this way again,' giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.

For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.

Next Thursday there will be try-outs for the choir. They need all the help they can get.

Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.

A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow.

At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be 'What Is Hell?' Come early and listen to our choir practice.

Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.

Hat tip: Nick M.
Image Credit: Christ the King
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44 comments :

  1. I've noticed a bit of deterioration, myself. bahahahaha!

    big hugs xoxo

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    1. So have I Barb and I don't like it one bit. :)

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  2. LMAO well I certainly won't be going to listen to the choir practice LOL

    Have a sermontastic day Sandee :-h

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    1. Me either Steve. Sounds awful. :)

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  3. One after the next, I laughed. These are great. Thanks

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    1. I did too. One of my boating buddies sent this to me. The other half will be posted on Thursday. :)

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  4. Those were great! I needed a smile to get moving today.

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    1. Sometimes it's tough to go to work isn't it. :)

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  5. I'm dying of laughing with these church bulletins. I really liked this one, " At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be 'What Is Hell?' Come early and listen to our choir practice." Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.
    Have a wonderful Tuesday Sandee. See ya.

    Cruisin Paul

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    1. Yep, I think I'll pass on the choir practice. :)

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  6. These are all belly-laugh funny. My favor one is: "The sermon this morning: 'Jesus Walks on the Water. ‘The sermon tonight: ‘Searching for Jesus.'"

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    1. Yep, some folks weren't thinking a bit when they wrote these. I laughed out loud too. :)

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  7. Those churches really need some spell-checkers! When I was a kid, I remember typing bulletins up for my uncle's church whenever I visited--I was all of 13 or 14...

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    1. You probably did way better than these folks did. :)

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  8. Bean supper... Music will follow. For real! Hahaha!

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    1. That's a no-brainer right? I thought so too. :)

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  9. love all of these! Cheers and big hugs!

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    1. I did too. Cheers and big hugs back my friend. :)

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  10. I think some of those "Church Ladies" knew exactly what they were saying...especially the "bring your husbands" one.

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    1. You may have a point on that one Joe. :)

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  11. Super especially the last two notifications.
    Have a great day!

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    1. I agree my friend. Funny and then some. :)

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  12. I was actually laughing out loud at some of these, which is saying something. I rarely actually laugh out loud when I'm reading!

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    1. Well, I'm happy to hear that you actually laughed out loud. I though these were so funny. :)

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  13. marriage does have a way of ruining a perfectly good friendship....lol

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    1. Sometimes that's true. It didn't happen this time around for me though. I'm one lucky gal. :)

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  14. Those are all good, but the one I didn't see was, "Monday Night we will be having a peter-pulling at brother taffy's house.

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    1. You're right Ron, that one isn't in there and it's a classic. :)

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  15. I wonder how many husbands were disposed of during the rummage sale.

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    1. Probably not any, but it sure sounds like that was the plan. :)

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  16. My pet rock sez I've been writing those bulletins. I coulda swore that Seymour was...

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    1. Not Seymour. He's perfect in my book. I think I'm biased. :)

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  17. These were funny even a day late. It's a good idea to have a proof reader or just another pair of eyes check these bulletins before they go out to the public.

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    1. It's essential to have a proof reader to make sure these kind of things don't happen. :)

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  18. BWAHAHA! This is some good stuff Sandee! Hooray for church bulletins!

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    1. Bloopers have been making the rounds in most every church since the very first bulletin. :)

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  19. Man, I hate when that deterioration sets in cuz it stays! Good ones.

    Big hugs, honey...

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    1. It sure does stay. Bugger on that too. :)

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  20. Dear Sandee, These were funny. I enjoyed this. xoxo Catherine

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    1. I would be so embarrassed if I did any of these. :)

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  21. Sandee,

    These are awesome! I love your choices.

    I especially like the one about Fasting & Prayer w-)

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    1. Who says church is a boring place? It's not. :)

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♥♥♥Have a terrific day.♥♥♥