Thursday, February 19, 2015

Church Bulletins II

They're Back! Those wonderful Church Bulletins! Thank God for the church ladies with typewriters. These sentences actually appeared in church bulletins or were announced at church services:

Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered.

The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility.

Pot-luck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication to follow.

The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.

This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.

The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the Congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.

Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use the back door.

The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.

Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.

And this one just about sums them all up:

The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new campaign slogan last Sunday: ‘I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours.'

Hat tip: Nick M.
Image Credit: This Weeks Funny
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50 comments :

  1. Those are hilarious lmao

    Have a holytastic day Sandee :-h

    PS: Leaves blog by the back door then through to the large double side doors

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    1. You crack me up Steve. Love all the doors stuff. :)

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  2. Loved the gracious hostility. That one sums it up for me! :)

    big hugs xoxo

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    1. Me too Barb. Scritches to all the babies. :)

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  3. LoL. Love it, especially the part with the weightwatchers

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    1. Yep, those double doors was a big slip up. :)

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  4. ELECTRIC girdles...that sounds like an interesting concept...and painful, actually.

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    1. Sounds very painful Stephanie. :)

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  5. Oh man! They are all chuckle worthy and exactly necessary to get a smile going this VERY COLD morning!!!

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    1. I'll just be glad when you can wash your car and it stays clean for more than a couple of hours. :)

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  6. " Up Yours. " Ha,ha,ha,ha,ha.Now that was funny. You made my day, again my friend. Have a wonderful Thursday Sandee. Last night it went down to -18. Very cold indeed.
    See ya.

    Cruisin Paul

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    1. That one is my favorite Paul. I laughed out loud. :)

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  7. LOL...I esp. like the first one. :)

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    1. Must be tough to stuff in that deceased person into that envelope. :)

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  8. Being from the south, I especially love the gracious hostility, y'all! That works for me.

    Big hugs from chilly WPB, honey...

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    1. Yes, I figured you would. :)

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  9. I think the church bulletins are my favors. I have a cousin who writes them and I know the kidding she gets when she makes these kinds of errors.

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    1. It's so easy to make some of these mistakes too. So easy. :)

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  10. LOL! They really need to proof read!

    Hope you have a wonderful day! Scritches to Little Bit!

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    1. Yes, they really need to be proofed. Scritches to Isabella and Angel. :)

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  11. The writers thought everything was OK because they all passed the spell checker.

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    1. Yep, you nailed it. :)

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  12. Up yours, now that is truly funny!

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    1. And he thought he was doing the challenge right. :)

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  13. sometimes I think those Church ladies have a fun with those bulletins! Tee hee!
    have a super fabulous day!

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    1. They just might Kathe. Some of this may be on purpose. You have a super day too. :)

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  14. My favorite...Hmmm...tough. I'm going to go with

    "Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use the back door."

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    1. That's a good one too. Totally not thinking when they put these together. :)

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  15. Those are just super. I needed a good laugh. We are all thawing out slowly. We finally got our power back this morning and I have to tell you it sure feels good. The ice storm knocked us out for four days. Have a great day Sandee, Zane and Little Bit.

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    1. Yikes, I didn't know you were in that awful ice storm too. I'm glad you've got your power back. Scritches to all the babies. :)

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  16. Where do you find these? They are fantastic. The weight watchers one will have me laughing all day.

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    1. One of my boating buddies sent me these. I've no idea where he got them. :)

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  17. Electric girdles sounded painful. The ladies of the Church having cast off clothing made me LOL, but the last one, about upping your pledge, took the proverbial cake.

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    1. I wonder if they would make us look better though. Probably not. :)

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  18. Ha! They must have known I was coming with a side dish at the pot luck dinner, hahahhaa

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    1. You write well though so these mistakes aren't something you'd do. About your cooking, I don't think your family is complaining either. :)

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    2. The first time I said, 'If you don't like my cooking, please feel free to replace me in the kitchen,' I never heard another complaint. ;)

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    3. Yes, that one works wonders doesn't it. Yes indeed. :)

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  19. Oops! Double doors for weight watchers! Can't get better than that.

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    1. Yep, that one was pretty bad. Well for the folks on weight watches. :)

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  20. This one: Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered.

    And the double doors... my favorites!!!

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    1. Those are both good ones. People sometimes just don't realize what they are really saying. Bless their hearts. :)

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  21. That basement's a happening place!

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    1. Yep, it sure is Binky. :)

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  22. I'm currently sitting in a Starbucks laughing like crazy. So funny! Thanks for the lift!

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    1. Nothing as funny as some church bulletins. Glad I could provide you a lift. :)

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  23. Dear Sandee, These announcements were funny; especially the last one.
    Have a great weekend. xoxoxo Catherine

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    1. Yes, the folks that do these bulletins can sure make a mess of it at times.

      You have a great weekend too. :)

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  24. That last one is priceless. Love it. I'm still trying to imagine just how big that donation envelope is that you have to put the deceased in.

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    1. Yep, that one was a puzzle to me too. :)

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