Good: Your wife is pregnant.
Bad: it's triplets.
Ugly: You had a vasectomy five years ago.
Good: Your wife's not talking to you.
Bad: She wants a divorce.
Ugly: She's a lawyer.
Good: Your youngest son is finally maturing.
Bad: He's involved with the woman next door.
Ugly: So are you.
Good: Your wife and you agree, no more kids.
Bad: Your wife can't find her birth control pills.
Ugly: Your 13 year old daughter borrowed them.
Good: Your oldest son understands fashion.
Bad: He's a cross-dresser.
Ugly: He looks better than your wife.
Good: You give the 'birds and bees' talk to your 10 year old daughter.
Bad: She keeps interrupting.
Good: Your son is dating someone new.
Bad: It's another man.
Ugly: He's your best friend.
Good: Your 15 year old daughter got a new job.
Bad: As a hooker.
Ugly: Your co-workers are her best clients.
Very Ugly: She makes more money than you do.
Hat tip: Empress Bee
Image Credit: Married Filing Joint