Tuesday, April 30, 2013

Paddy

Paddy spies a letter lying on his doormat.
It says on the envelope "DO NOT BEND".
Paddy spends the next 2 hours trying to figure out how to pick it up.

Paddy shouts frantically into the phone "My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart!"
"Is this her first child?" asks the Doctor.
"No" shouts Paddy, "this is her husband!"

An old Irish farmer's dog goes missing and he's inconsolable.
His wife says "Why don't you put an advert in the paper?"
He does, but two weeks later the dog is still missing.
"What did you put in the paper?" his wife asks.
"Here boy" he replies.

Paddy's in jail. Guard looks in his cell and sees him hanging by his feet.
"What on earth you doing?" he asks.
"Hanging myself" Paddy replies.
"It should be around your neck" says the Guard.
"I know" says Paddy "but I couldn't breathe".

An American tourist asks an Irishman, "Why do Scuba divers always fall backwards off their boats?"
To which the Irishman replies, "They have to go backwards. If they fell forwards, they'd still be in the boat."

Hat tip: Babs of Beetle's Memories & Ramblings
Image Credit: Seamus' Irish Jokes eZine
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25 comments :

  1. bahahahaha! Sometimes stupid is funny. Unless it's real life. Then it's just sad. And funny later.

    Have a lovely day! big hugs xoxo

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  2. Hawahhawaaa, loved no it's her husband..Have a wonderful Tuesday..Hugs xx00xx

    Mollie and Alfie

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  3. I like the last one best about the boat. Ha, ha. Thanks for the morning chuckles!

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  4. Those are all really funny. Good ones.
    Looking forward to getting our new member of our family today, that Pet Rock. We are thinking of names.
    Have a great day Sandee and Zane and Little Bit.

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  5. Woof! Woof! Golden LAUGHS! Happy Tuesday. Lots of Golden Woofs, Sugar

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  6. The boat one is classic! Happy Tuesday!

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  7. Thanks for the morning chuckles. Now I need to go get dressed...and get busy, but this is more fun. Dang.

    Big hugs, honey...

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  8. I'm glad I'm not Irish. I'd have a lot of splanin to do. d-)

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  9. I am Irish and I'm still laughing out loud...these are hilarious! Have a laughin' day!

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  10. LOL I do like Paddy jokes fanks for the larfs :-)

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  11. That last one really tickled my funny bone.

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  12. I laughed out loud at the jail one I needed a good laugh thanks

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  13. LOL, those are funny. I guess the farmers dog doesn't read the paper

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  14. Huh, that's a really good question. Why do scuba divers fall backwards? Oh, wait, you answered it. Or did you?

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  15. You tell some funny jokes!! Now I need to remember the lines so I can share them---I always screw up my jokes!

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  16. The boat one made me giggle! Thanks Sandee! Enjoy your day!

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  17. I like Irish jokes and I even have a little Irish in me. sandie

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  18. Now I know my problem---I'm half Irish!

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  19. Heheeheee. poor Paddy is a few sandwiches short of a picnic, me thinks ;)

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  20. Thank you for adding humour to my day!

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  21. Aren't you glad you aren't Irish, Sandee,
    and have to put up with all this!!! =D>

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  22. Well he could always be a politician.

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  23. Paddy jokes nearly always make me laugh :)

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  24. Good ones. I liked the first one and the Irishman jokes!

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  25. All of them are so funny! Thanks for sharing Sandee!

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