"In the first book of the Bible, Guinessis, God got tired of creating the world, so He took the Sabbath off."
"Adam and Eve were created from an apple tree."
"Noah's wife was called Joan of Ark."
"Noah built an ark, which the animals came on to in pears."
"Lot's wife was a pillar of salt by day, but a ball of fire by night."
"Samson was a strong man who let himself be led astray by a Jezebel like Delilah."
"Moses led the Hebrews to the Red Sea, where they made unleavened bread, which is bread made without any ingredients."
"The Egyptians were all drowned in the dessert."
"Moses went up on Mount Cyanide to get the Ten Amendments."
"The First Commandment was when Eve told Adam to eat the apple."
"The Fifth Commandment is 'Humor thy father and mother."