Thursday, December 1, 2011

Stock Market Terms

CEO --Chief Embezzlement Officer.

CFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.

BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.

BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry.

VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.

P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.

BROKER -- What my broker has made me.

STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.

STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.

STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.

FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.

MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.

CASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.

YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.

WINDOWS -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.

INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.

PROFIT -- An archaic word no longer in use.

Hat tip: Rajagopalan of Just Out
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  1. The world is too full of CEOs and CFOs nowadays. srsly.

    Happy December, Sandee! Big hugs xoxo

  2. You got them all right Sandee.

  3. hahaha :) learned a lot about stock terms today!

  4. Sad, isn't it. Hope you have a great day!!!! Big hugs from chilly Ohio.

  5. Seriously accurate; sadly accurate:(

    Stay warm...19 here in nawth jawjah!

    Big hugs, honey...

  6. Oh boy! Who comes up with this stuff? Too funny :) My fave is the P/E ratio!
    Have a super Thursday!

  7. Some dark humor here, but humor in any form is good. Thanks for the laughs.

  8. Now stock market jargon is starting to make a lot more sense to me. :)

  9. Those are all so good and Oh so true. Some of them sure are funny. I like them all. Take care Sandee and have a great day and thanks again.

  10. LOL! Good one Sandee!You have made me smile after having no internet for several hours! I hope I get a break tonight. It has been a rough week. Take care.

  11. standard and poor, yep that pretty much sums it

  12. Psst... (Whisper) Sandee, you finally made the Top 10!) Don't tell anybody. OK? (End of Whisper)

    Have a great weekend!

  13. Sort of like the lottery with a worse chance of winning.

  14. These are much closer to the truth than the industry definitions. Have a great week-end.

  15. All great humor has an element of truth to it. These are too true not to be funny. Good one today


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