A jockey is in the parade ring discussing race tactics with the horse's trainer. The trainer tells the jockey that this is the worst horse he has in training. It has had 23 races and finished last in every one of them. If it doesn't win today, the milkman will be using it for deliveries in the morning.
The jockey mounts up and takes the horse down to the start. The race begins and the horse is 30 lengths behind the pack after only half a furlong.
He gives the horse an great backhand on the rump. Nothing.
He then gives him a series of sharp slaps on the shoulder. Nothing.
He then gives him two wallops right on the hindquarters.
The horse comes to a sudden stop, turns to the jockey and says, "Will you stop it with that whip? I have to be up at four in the morning to deliver the milk!"
Hat tip: Phil of Phils Phun