Aging: eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying about your age and start bragging about it.
The easiest way to find something that's lost around the house is to buy a replacement.
If at first you don't succeed, shouldn't you try doing it like your wife told you?
A penny saved is a government oversight.
The real art of conversation is not only to say the right thing at the right time, but also to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment.
He who hesitates is almost certainly right.
Did you ever notice? The Roman Numerals for forty (40) are 'XL'.
If you can smile when things go wrong, you have someone in mind to blame.
The sole purpose of a child's middle name is so he can tell when he's really in trouble.
There's always a lot to be thankful for if you take time to look for it. For example I am sitting here thinking how nice it is that wrinkles don't hurt..
The older we get, the fewer things seem worth waiting in line for.
Long ago when men cursed and beat the ground with sticks, it was called witchcraft. Today, it's called golf.