Saturday, December 11, 2010


A paraprosdokian is a figure of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected in a way that causes the reader or listener to re-frame or reinterpret the first part. It is frequently used for humorous or dramatic effect, sometimes producing an anticlimax.

I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.

I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with "Guess" on I said "Implants?"

Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?

Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.

Why do Americans choose from just two people to run for president and 50 for Miss America ?

Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.

A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.

The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good ideas!

Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back.

A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you will look forward to the trip.

Hospitality: making your guests feel like they're at home, even if you wish they were.

Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.

I discovered I scream the same way whether I'm about to be devoured by a great white shark or if a piece of seaweed touches my foot.

Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others whenever they go.

There's a fine line between cuddling and holding someone down so they can't get away.

I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not sure.

I always take life with a grain of salt, plus a slice of lime, and a shot of tequila.

When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water.

You're never too old to learn something stupid.

To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.

Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.

Some people hear voices. Some see invisible people. Others have no imagination whatsoever.

A bus is a vehicle that runs twice as fast when you are after it as when you are in it.

If you are supposed to learn from your mistakes, why do some people have more than one child?

Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

Hat tip: Duffy L.


  1. LOL those are great. I love that first one, I think I'll make that my new motto :)

  2. Implants!

    That one made me laugh out loud. So true about Miss America.

    Have a great Weekend!!!!!!

  3. I love these--honesty with a twist of sarcasm!

  4. I love stuff like this (and you previous "part one").

    Good way to start the day with a laugh.




  5. Each of the 50 young ladies is different and many ways...on the other hand, a politician is a politician.

  6. OMC, Mom fell off the chair laughing. Gosh those are great. Take care Sandee and have a great week end.

  7. "Why do Americans choose from just two people to run for president and 50 for Miss America?" Indeed!

    These are fantastic, Sandee! Too many good ones to pick a favorite at all - now if I can just remember a few for when I need 'em!

    Hope you have a fantastic weekend over there on the Left Coast!

  8. Gee... these are questions which I have never ask myself. They get me thinking....

  9. I love them all and I am sure glad my memory is fading fast! Soon I will be completely guilt free!
    Hope you have a terrific weekend!
    Big hugs,

  10. That's me. I bring Happiness when I leave! Have a great weekend

  11. I need to go find myself a pessimist real quick!

  12. more keepers today!

    our cruise is getting closer...

    smiles, bee

  13. Lots of good stuff there.

    Have a super Sunday. Big hugs, honey...

  14. "The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good ideas!"
    That's how I come up with the ideas for my blog posts & cartoons. Without the voices I'd have nothing to blog about


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