Friday, December 10, 2010


A paraprosdokian is a figure of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected in a way that causes the reader or listener to re-frame or reinterpret the first part. It is frequently used for humorous or dramatic effect, sometimes producing an anticlimax.

I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.

Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.

I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather; not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.

Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.

The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on the list.

Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

If I agreed with you we'd both be wrong.

We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.

War does not determine who is right - only who is left.

Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.

The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening' and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.

To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.

A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station.

How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?

Some people are like Slinkies ... not really good for anything, but you can't help smiling when you see one tumble down the stairs.

Dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw them fish.

I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted pay checks.

A bank is a place that will lend you money, if you can prove that you don't need it.

Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says "If an emergency, notify:" I put "DOCTOR".

Hat tip: Duffy L.
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  1. OMG, these are so funny. Cats are just as smart as dolphins. Trust me.

    I hereby promise you, with all of the following commentors as my witness, that I will use the paraprosdokian "If I agreed with you we'd both be wrong." at least twice during the sisterdear weekend!

    Big hugs :]

  2. I like the one about Speed of light. So true...

  3. oh my, i LOVE these! i will probably steal most of them over time, but only because i want to.

    hugs, bee

  4. See, there is absolute truth. These are evidence of that fact.

  5. LOL--a great start to my morning, thank you :)

  6. My Mr. Right is gonna hear that "if I agreed with you" one! Oh yes.

    Big hugs and smiles, honey...

  7. It appears "If I agreed with you we'd both be wrong." is the favorite. Must remember it...

  8. I love the "I want to die peacefully in my sleep..." I use that whenever I can.
    I will be stealing " Knowledge is knowing a tomato..." Can we send that one to Congress?

  9. They are all terrific. Really funny. I thought I was going to pick one but they are all so good. The cats, dogs, donkeys and even the goat all have me well trained.
    Take care Sandee and have a fantastic week end.

  10. What a wonderful list. Now you've done it and started my brain to work. It was so happy spending all those days in a daze.

    I can smell the first burst of gasoline emanating from the engine after pressing the on button. Maybe that was gas emanating from a backfire.

    I think it's time to open the hood and check the spark plugs or trade in the old model for an eco-friendly brain that runs on methane gas.

  11. ,not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.

    Hehehe....I have read many of these before and this one was always one of my favorites.

  12. Ah, these are all quite excellent and I'm sure that we'll all be pulling one out and making good use of it from time to time! I never knew there was an actual name for this sort of snarky remark, though - good to know!

  13. Some excellent ones in there. And so true. I especially agree with the matches one.

  14. Those are great. The slinky one I heard before and loved it so much that I printed it out, took it to work and hung it on the wall. I work with several

  15. Work stops at my work station all right, or should I say it grinds to a halt.

  16. Some good advice there, especially the one about not arguing with idiots.


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