Tuesday, November 30, 2010


When I was a kid, I used to pray every night for a new bike. Then I realized that God doesn't work that way, so I stole a bike and asked Him to forgive me.

I went to an extremely attractive female doctor today for my annual checkup. She told me that I had to quit masturbating. I asked why? She said, "Because I'm trying to examine you."

I was walking through the cemetery this morning and saw a guy crouching down behind a tombstone. I said, "Morning..." He said, "No, just taking a dump."

I was walking down the road and saw my Arab neighbor Abdul standing on his fifth floor apartment balcony shaking a carpet. I shouted up to him, "What's wrong, Abdul? Won't it start?"

Sex is the price women have to pay for marriage. Marriage is the price men have to pay for sex.

Getting married is like getting into a bathtub. After you get used to it, it ain't so hot.

I'm not attracted by a girls mind, but by what she doesn't mind.

Guns don't kill people. Husbands who come home early kill people.

There are only two four letter words that are offensive to me - don't and stop, unless they are used together.

A tight dress is like a barbed fence. It protects the premises without restricting the view.

Marriage is the only war where you get to sleep with the enemy!

Her job is to Bitch. Mine is to give her a reason!

Hat tip: Duffy L.
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  1. Bwahahahaha!


    Good ones.

  2. Marvin's quite the catch. Or has he been scooped up already. bwahahahaha!

    Big hugs :]

  3. OMG... I just noticed the countdown clock! Less than 90 days to go! Woohoo!

  4. Hubby got a kick outta those... Less than 90 days? (sigh) Oh how I wish I were still going.


  5. I am assuming that Marvin is NOT a marriage counselor.

  6. Marvin is a hoot!

    Big hugs, honey...

  7. love this! and reminds me of john heald! ha ha ha

    smiles, bee

  8. This is the first time I have met Marvin. Oh dear what a character. LOL...I love the last one!!

    Happy day...big hugs,

  9. great philosophy!
    have a great day!

  10. Just the laughs I needed this day!

    Thank you. BTW..... He looks a lot like some of our neighbors.

  11. I think your selections are getting better the closer we get to Christmas. These are excellent.

  12. OMG, that was hilarious. Move over Maxine!

  13. That was hilarious and yet true!!! I still love Maxine though!

  14. I can't let my wife read this one. I already give plenty of reasons to complain. Have a great day.

  15. Good job Marvin. Those are so funny. Good laugh. You and Maxine would certainly make a good pair. Take care and have a fun day.

  16. Marvin is a pretty funny guy but I still like Maxine better. She just rocks :)

  17. All hilarious, I especially loved the Cemetery one

  18. BTW I changed back to my self hosted blog, fixed the problem that was giving me grief

  19. Marvin is Great Guy ..
    Coz Guy made guy Thing...



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