Wednesday, October 27, 2010

Mammogram

Many women are afraid of their first mammogram, but there is no need to worry. By taking a few minutes each day for a week preceding the exam and doing the following exercises, you will be totally prepared for the test and best of all, you can do these simple exercises right in and around your home.

EXERCISE ONE:

Open your refrigerator door and insert one breast in door. Shut the door as hard as possible and lean on the door for good measure.

Hold that position for five seconds. Repeat again in case the first time wasn't effective enough..

EXERCISE TWO:

Visit your garage at 3AM when the temperature of the cement floor is just perfect. Take off all your clothes and lie comfortably on the floor with one breast wedged under the rear tire of the car. Ask a friend to slowly back the car up until your breast is sufficiently flattened and chilled. Turn over and repeat with the other breast.

EXERCISE THREE:

Freeze two metal bookends overnight. Strip to the waist. Invite a stranger into the room. Press the bookends against one of your breasts.

Smash the bookends together as hard as you can. Set up an appointment with the stranger to meet next year and do it again.

YOU ARE TOTALLY PREPARED!

Hat tip: Donna M.
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20 comments:

  1. LOL--I'm dreading my first one. I actually have head pictures of people doing those things--LOL. Have a great Wednesday.

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  2. Yup, That's good practice...

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  3. Having never experienced the pleasure of having that done, I got a good chuckle out of this.

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  4. wow, nice training program.

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  5. So... is 1 exercise better than another or are all 3 necessary? LOL!

    Big hugs :]

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  6. is it breast or burst!
    have a great day!

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  7. I'm going for my mammogram in a few days' time. Better start on my training hahaha....u

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  8. That'll do it! Gotta get mine scheduled for Dec. Oy...ouch!

    Have a super day. Big hugs, honey...

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  9. Just a little note - today it has been announced that a do-it-yourself portable breast scanner has been developed. I believe it plugs in to a PC or laptop. Any tumours are shown by a red dot on the screen. It was invented by Prof Zhipeng Wu at Manchester University in England. It is quick and non-intrusive. It will allow all doctors to be able to quickly test women and avoid them having to receive X-ray doses. It will also probably be available for home use for continual monitoring of breast health.
    There is still a little research to be done but it should be on sale soon.

    For those wishing to see more - here's the link to the Mirror newspaper:
    http://www.mirror.co.uk/news/health-news/2010/10/27/new-diy-breast-cancer-scanner-kit-115875-22661136/

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  10. bwahahaha this is too funny!

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  11. Oh yes does that ever bring back memories!

    I keep waiting for someone to invite a penilogram so that men can go through a similar exercise once a year! Seems only fair to me!

    Have a great Wednesday, Sandee - my best to your handsome hubby!

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  12. I think I will skip the exercises and just go have a mammogram. Too funny. At least if you did all those exercises, there wouldn't be breast left to have a mammogram on.Take care Sandee.

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  13. I'm glad I don't have to do this.

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  14. i have to go every three to six months! blech! but this is great training!

    smiles, bee
    xoxoxoxoxooxxo

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  15. Oh I hurt just thinking about it...lol I think I'll pass on the exercises

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  16. I am dreading my mammogram in ten years!

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  17. I hope I don't need a mammogram any time soon.
    It seems that I might be out of shape and for
    sure I don't want any training like this.
    :)
    ..

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  18. This was soooo funny! Yet so very untrue! Come on, it's not so bad...ok, maybe the cold part. But squishing my boob made me feel a little more endowed than I actually am. I was like, "Look at all that flesh squished in there." ...see, it's like Jedi mind trick!
    This post was the funniest post I have read in so long, I'm still shaking with laughter.

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  19. Lol I like the first exercise better than the other two.. Really funny post :)

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