Saturday, April 3, 2010

A Redneck...


Just ask for the 'Southern Cut'

At Wal*Mart

  1. You take your dog for a walk and you both use the same tree.

  2. You can entertain yourself for more than 15 minutes with a fly swatter.

  3. Your boat has not left the driveway in 15 years.

  4. You burn your yard rather than mow it.

  5. You think 'The Nutcracker' is a vice on the work bench.

  6. The Salvation Army declines your furniture.

  7. You offer to give someone the shirt off your back and they don't want it.

  8. You have the local taxidermist on speed dial.

  9. You come back from the dump with more than you took.

  10. You keep a can of Raid on the kitchen table.

  11. Your wife can climb a tree faster than your cat.

  12. Your grandmother has 'ammo' on her Christmas list.

  13. You keep flea and tick soap in the shower.

  14. You've been involved in a custody fight over a hunting dog.

  15. You go to the stock car races and don't need a program.

  16. You know how many bales of hay your car will hold.

  17. You have a rag for a gas cap.

  18. Your house doesn't have curtains, but your truck does.

  19. You wonder how service stations keep their restrooms so clean?

  20. You can spit without opening your mouth.

  21. You consider your license plate personalized because your father made it.

  22. Your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand.

  23. You have a complete set of salad bowls and they all say 'Cool Whip' on the side.

  24. The biggest city you've ever been to is Wal*Mart.

  25. Your working TV sits on top of your non-working TV.

  26. You've used your ironing board as a buffet table.

  27. A tornado hits your neighborhood and does $100,000 worth of improvements.

  28. You've used a toilet brush to scratch your back.

  29. You missed your 5th grade graduation because you were on jury duty.

  30. You think fast food is hitting a deer at 65.
Hat tip: My sister ♥Debbie♥
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  1. Hilarious! Except for the toilet brush to scratch your back... that skeezed me out. Just saying.

    Big hugs xo

  2. you look in the rearview mirror and all you see is DAWGS!

  3. Duct tape and a garbage bag make a good car window. Hell, I live in Ms.

  4. Oh yes, I posted that one a looong time ago, too. Heck, these are all normal stuff here in the mountains of Mayberry, GA!

    Happy Easter, y'all...big hugs...

  5. the salvation army refused my couch and I have flea shampoo sitting on the edge of my tub. Hmm I had no idea that was my true identity. : )

  6. Shame on you, talking about my neighbors. Every single one of those is true. They also keep the dog tied to the old sofa in the yard. There are also 20 old cars that don't run collecting rust.
    Thanks for the chuckle this morning.

  7. I love #21 - and you know that guy doesn't so much look fat as he looks pregnant..weird...

  8. honey these are mostly true but a real redneck would never donate his old furniture. he puts it on the porch next to the old fridge!

    smiles, bee

  9. Whew, I got nervous after reading number 2...because my dad has been known to keep himself amused with the flyswatter.

  10. I think I can heave a sigh of relief knowing that most of those don't apply to me! Though I'm sure come summer and I'm mowing the lawn every time I turn around, burning it may be the way to go!

  11. I could accuse one of my ex neighbors of being most of these.He used to say"I'm a Ridger runner german"

  12. Do you know which Wal Mart I can get those overalls? Can't find them near me.

  13. HA! you are a riot, sandee. love ya. happy easter. :)

  14. Haha love it. Many of my customers fit almost all of these!

  15. I read them all with a Jeff Foxworthy accent.

  16. I read them fast but I didn't see any strangers on your list. Texas isn't exactly Southern but we visit Louisiana and Mississippi and the rest.
    My bachelor couch was one I found in the ditch on the side of the road. It didn't have many holes but did lack a leg. A paint can fixed that part.
    Mrs. Jim is working on me, she won't let me keep 'Cool Whip' bowls anymore.
    I had to get rid of my Shamrock (gasoline station give aways) dishes.
    We had VW engine under the eating table when we were fist married for at least six months.
    I did start keeping my motorcycle outside.
    That's enough but you get the drift.
    Oh yes, Southern' people don't hit the deer, the deer ran into them.

  17. That's a big belly! No wonder he could not find fitting overals :)
    Have a happy Easter! :)

  18. I am a fan of Jeff Foxworthy and I always roll when he does the redneck jokes. Good find by your sister!

  19. me and my dog are trained to use the tree! hilarious events! have a great day!

  20. Great fun - and I think I definitely know him :-)

  21. I won't admit to which ones, but there are at least 5 on that list that I can admit to. Bwhahahaa. I always knew Hubby and I were A Class Rednecks... now where'd I leave that toilet bowl brush....

    Have a great day, my friend!

  22. Has anybody seen my "Chick Magnet" t-shirt?

  23. Laughing out loud - hilarious! Thanks for the giggle. xoxox, big Chicken!

  24. I've shared this and the accompanying laugh with a lot of my NC redneck friends! LOL

  25. Brilliant...did you come up with all these yourself? My fave is nº 27. I'm glad of my visit to your blog makes me smile!

  26. I am sure I'd seen an expectant mother wearing one of those overalls.

    But she was wearing a top and long skirt - which was just beautiful

  27. I am in the 60 percentile for this questionaire ... should I worry or move farther South?


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