Friday, December 11, 2009

Kids on the Bible #1

* In the first book of the bible, Guinessis, God got tired of creating the world, so he took the Sabbath off.

* Adam and Eve were created from an apple tree. Noah's wife was called Joan of Ark. Noah built an ark, which the animals come on to in pears.

* Lot's wife was a pillar of salt by day, but a ball of fire by night.

* The Jews were a proud people and throughout history they had trouble with the unsympathetic Genitals.

* Samson was a strongman who let himself be led astray by a Jezebel like Delilah.

* Moses led the Hebrews to the Red Sea, where they made unleavened bread which is bread without any ingredients.

* The Egyptians were all drowned in the dessert. Afterward, Moses went up on Mount Cyanide to get the ten amendments.

* The seventh commandment is thou shalt not admit adultery.

* Moses died before he ever reached Canada. Then Joshua led the Hebrews in the battle of Geritol.

* The greatest miracle in the Bible is when Joshua told his son to stand still and he obeyed him.

24 comments:

  1. Loved the Joshua one!
    Have a great day my dear Sandee!

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  2. LOL! I like those last two the best, about Moses never reaching Canada and the battle of Geritol and the son standing still!

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  3. I like the one Thou shall not admit adultery. Those were great sayings. Thanks for the chuckle

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  4. Sandee, man if them kids would just do the interupitain of the Bible, hell maybe then all man kind could be salvitated.
    BIG HUGS

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  5. bwahahahaha! These are fabulous, Sandee! I have to remember the "pillar of salt by day, but a ball of fire by night" for my Dad. He has a tee-shirt with a list of what a wife wants which I also can't remember - except for the part about a tiger in her bed. On second thought, I'd better print this out.

    Big Hugs ♥xo

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  6. LOL @ the 7th commandment!

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  7. Having two kids, I really appreciate the one about Joshua. The Seventh Commandment, I do believe, is presented as interpreted in those "enlightened" times...

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  8. Lol.....very comic and original, Ioved first two :)

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  9. Remember how much fun it was to get things screwed up and have people laugh about it? Do that crap now and you only get fired!

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  10. Ah, don't you love how children "hear" things!

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  11. these are great! i always love the kid's view on things - hilarious!

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  12. Mount Cyanide??

    HA HA HAAAAAAAAAAAAAA !!!!!!!!!

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  13. Lot's wife is my fave. I knew there was hope for that poor lady! Those are all good.

    Congratulations on the promotion. You worked hard for that Vice Commodore's Service Award!
    ..
    BTW, I've been out-of-pocket for about a week. Life in the 'fast lane' finally caught up with me, something had to give.
    ..

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  14. REALLY a good one honey! thanks for the laughs!

    smiles, bee
    xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

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  15. Hmmm I think I ran into Lots wife the other evening and boy was she a hand full hehe

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  16. Hilarious ;-)
    Animals come in pears (giggle)
    Hugs and blessings,

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  17. Ha ha I love the Samson one.

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  18. Kids say the funniest things :)

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  19. Ah, don't you love how children "hear" things!

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  20. Oh, I just loved that! It's so true--kids say the darndest things!!

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  21. You are a great story teller thro the kids!

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  22. Some great ones there, especially the unsympathetic Genitals :-)

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  23. That last one made me laugh out loud.

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  24. i have to disagree with you. "Thou shalt not ADMIT" is the 11th commandment. LMAO!

    you're the best Sandee... muahhhhhhh!!!

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