Sunday, December 13, 2009

Dear Santa

When Santa Runs Out Of Prozac

Dear Santa,

I've written you for three years now asking for a fire truck. Please, I really really want a fire truck this year!

Love, Joey
Dear Joey,
Let me make it up to you. Christmas Eve, while you sleep, I'm gonna torch your house. You'll have more fire trucks than you'll know what to do with.
- Santa

Dear Santa,
I don't know if you can do this, but for Christmas, I'd like for my mommy and daddy to get back together. Please see what you can do.
Love, Teddy

Dear Teddy,
What, and ruin that hot affair your dad's still having with the babysitter? He's banging her like a screen door in a hurricane, son! Let me get you some nice Legos instead.
- Santa

Dear Santa,
I left milk and cookies for you under the tree, and I left carrots or your reindeer outside the backdoor.
Love, Susan

Dear Susan,
Milk gives me the runs and carrots make the deer fart in my face. You want to be a kiss-ass? Leave me a glass of Chivas Regal and some Toblerone.
-Santa

Dear Santa,
I really really want a puppy this year. Please please please PLEASE.
- Jimmy

Jimmy,
That whiney-begging stuff may work with your folks, but that crap don't work up here. You're getting a sweater again.
- Santa

Dear Santa,
What do you do the other 364 days of the year? Are you making toys?
Your friend, Thomas

Dear Thomas,
All toys get made in China. I have a condo in Vegas, where I spend most my time squeezing cocktail waitresses behinds, and losing all my cash at the craps table. Hey, YOU wanted to know!
- Santa

Dear Santa,
I wud like a kool toy space ranjur for Xmas. Iv ben a good boy all yeer.
YeR FReND, BiLLy

Dear Billy,
Nice spelling. You're on your way to being a career lawn care specialist. How 'bout I send you a freaking book so you can learn to read and write? I'm giving your older brother the space ranger, at least HE can spell!
-Santa

Dear Santa,
I have been a good girl all year, and the only thing I ask for is peace and joy in the world for everybody!
Love, Sarah

Dear Sarah,
Your parents smoked pot when they had you, didn't they?
- Santa

Dear Santa,
I need more Pokemon cards please! All my friends have more Pokemon cards than me. Please see what you can do.
Love, Michelle

Dear Michelle,
It blows my freaking mind. Kids are forcing their parents to buy hundreds of dollars worth of these stupid cards, and none of you snot-nosed brats are even learning to play the game. Let me get you something more your speed, like "Chutes and Ladders."
- Santa

Dear Santa,
I want a new bike, PlayStation, a train, some G.I. Joes, a dog, a drum kit, a pony and a tuba.
Love, Francis

Dear Francis,
Who the heck names their kid "Francis" nowadays?
- Santa

Dear Santa,
Do you see us when we're sleeping, do you really know when we're awake, like in the song?
Love, Jessica

Dear Jessica,
You are that gullible? Good luck in whatever you do, I'm skipping your house...
- Santa

Dearest Santa,
We don't have a chimney in our house, how do you get into our home?
Love, Marky

Mark,
Firstly, stop calling yourself "Marky"; that's why you're getting your ass whipped at school. Secondly, you don't live in a house, that's a low-rent apartment complex you're living in. Thirdly, I get inside your pad just like all the burglars do, through your bedroom window. Sweet Dreams!
- Santa

Stolen from: Hale McKay of It Occurred To Me
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33 comments:

  1. Dear Santa..
    smoga bLog aku lancar2 aja..
    hehehhe

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  2. They were hilarious when I read them on Hale's blog. And, they still are. Kids do say the darndest things, but what about Santa? I bet his lunch was liquid. LMAO

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  3. I think I like Santa's attitude. What the heck he was just being honest....lol These were funny

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  4. That is funny but the title makes believe that Prozac and other SSRIs work when thy don't.
    "Santa having Prozac's side effects" or "Santa during Prozac's withdrawal" would be perfect.
    hehe

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  5. (((( S H O C K ))))


    OHHHH SANTA !!!!!!!!

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  6. I can't seem to get past "FaiS'" comment. Is that a text for a comment? Santa would be proud, very proud.

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  7. Oh dear, a snarky Santa LOL

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  8. That's your basic no BS Santa. I like him!

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  9. I was hoping Santa's responses would have matured since I was a kid, but obviously not!

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  10. these were hilarious! grouchy santa!!

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  11. Bwahahahahahahaha... banging her like a screen door in a hurricane... Stop! stop... I'm laughing so hard I'm peeing my pants!!!!

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  12. Hey Sandee, I like these. Are you ready for Santa? I suppose you will have a spread on your boat.

    This one is true:
    Dear Santa,
    I really really want a puppy this year. Please please please PLEASE.
    - Jimmy
    Jimmy,
    That whiney-begging stuff may work with your folks, but that crap don't work up here. You're getting a sweater again.
    - Santa
    ..

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  13. I'm liking this side of Santa. I just knew he couldn't be all jolly-like 24/7. Now I know! I especially like how he helped Marky learn how to keep from getting his ass whipped all the time. I like his style!

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  14. "Leave me a glass of Chivas Regal and some Toblerone." Hahaha poor Santa, I think we should write Santa a prescription for some Prozac instead if thats how he's doing!!

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  15. Ha ha! Santa with a little 'tude, I like it.

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  16. Santa in a nasty mood! ha ha!

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  17. Hi Sandee!
    Merry Advanced Christmas!

    It has been so long and I am so glad to have dropped by and read your posts again.

    These really give me laughs every time!

    Dear Santa,.... err... okay, give me a book! :)

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  18. Oh my ... Santa seems a bit off his jolly game! LOL
    Hugs and blessings,

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  19. That must have been the Santa that came to my house evry year while I was growing up.

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  20. If Santa finds a escape route like this, roles may reverse...kids may offer gifts to poor Santa!

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  21. OMGosh. I snorted at the Pokemon letter. We did the same thing with Bakugans last year for my son and does he know how to play? NO!

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  22. Hi Sandy how are you doing. I haven't been blogging much lately. SOOOO busy. I love peaking in here you always make me giggle.

    Linda

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  23. LOL what a bad santa.
    i'm sure that kids wont ask fire truck or any gift from santa anymore hahahaaha

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  24. Sounds like Santa needs a vacation! That was funny.

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  25. Ok, first of all I LOVE your blog because of Buckey... second this is the most awesome thing I have read in a while. I just posted it on my facebook page! LMAO

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  26. poor sad Jessica .......... :-(

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  27. From the mouth of babes, ahhh this time of year makes you realize what is important in life, :-) Big Hug

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  28. Of course what comes out of Santa's mouth is a whole different story , LOL

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  29. A Santa with attitude. Great.

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  30. so this is Santa's dark side... what a big riot! LMAO! what, no prozac? go get him a xanor before he totally loses it. hohoho hihihi!!!

    well done Sandee! =)

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  31. Ha ha ha I love it! I loved what santa answered to Sarah. This is a real Santa.

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  32. O.M.G.....What a funny Santa!! I like the response he gave Teddy!!!

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