It was almost Halloween and Anthony was deep in his yearly depression. He just hated Halloween. Truth be known he was afraid of Halloween because he was traumatized as a pubescent preteen. Every year his mother would decide how he was to dress up for Halloween. Four years ago, she decided to dress him up as a Smurf, followed by Tinky Winky the purple Tella Tubbie the year after.
Last year she dressed him up as Dame Edna, which didn't quite work that well. Anthony had a major crush on the girl next door, Sally. Each year his mother would force him out for Trick or Treat, and also make sure that he went to Sally's house. He was terrified and embarrassed by these ridiculous costumes, and what Sally might think about him. This year he was going to rebel and change everything.
He was going to go out as a pimp and Sally was going to dress as a 'Ho'! Off they went into the night him in his Mack Daddy hat and Sally in her tight mini skirt and those horrible high platform spike heels, looking like was going to tumble over any second. They stumbled upon another couple that was leaving the neighbors' house, which was dark, with very strange sounds echoing through the lawn. When they approached the door they found a screeching cat, and headless mans' head rolling after them!
They ran so fast in the other direction that they stumbled onto the cemetery next door, unfortunately where an open hole was waiting to receive an expected occupant; however what they didn't know was that Anthony's evil twin brother who was a real warlock had demanded that Anthony immediately give him a Klondike bar. Anthony did not have a Klondike bar, as he had eaten it before he left the house. However, thinking fast, he pulled out a cucumber wrapped in aluminum foil and then the sudden realization that he would lose his family 13 years.
As upset as Anthony was to find that he'd be losing his family in 13 years, all he could think about was Sally and how upset she was that Anthony had given her cucumber to his evil twin brother, Schmanthony. As Anthony tried to console Sally, he promised her that he would make it up to her later that night by giving her the biggest cucumber she had ever seen! But, until then, "let the party begin" he told her as they entered the neighbors house. The first thing the guests were asked to do was cut themselves a huge hunk of cake and pour some hot tea then they all brought out the naked pictures of Bea Arthur, 20 cans of Crisco and the tequila, of course.
Two hours later after they had played, "Pin the dress on Bea" and made deep fried tequila battered onion rings, Anthony and Sally realized the bathroom was full due to an 'intestinal crisis'. The 'Pimp and Ho' be-clad couple stumbled out the door and were about to cross the street when suddenly they heard a noise coming from a car parked by the curb. They approached the car to investigate but they were stunned to see the ghostly sight at the rear seat.
They pulled themselves together and proceeded cautiously towards the car where they saw why Anthony's mother was always rushing him out of the house on Halloween. There she was in the back seat of the car, her eyes closed and her mouth opened as she strummed the notes of the banjo and the guitar from the instrumental, Dueling Banjos on the waistband of her control top panties.
Dueling Banjos brought back memories of love gone by.... Back when her cousin was courting her (after all, she was living in the mountains of West Virginia back then). But she had to forget that careless time because out of the window she could see a pimp and a ho staring at her. So she did the only thing she could think to do, she could try to forget over her cake but her heart was not in it, instead she took a glass and poured a generous slug of moonshine. Her night was as good as it was going to get.
Sally reached for that big cucumber that Anthony had promised her earlier and was very disappointed in how small it really was. I guess that Sally's night was as good as it was going to get too. Poor Anthony...He just can't win.
Contributing Authors (in order of appearance):
Frank of Foxxfyrre's Honk'n'Holl'r
Lois of Lowdown from Lois
Joanne of Another Day in Paradise
Plainolebob of Just Kicken it Around
Mommanator of Grannies Ramblings
Sandy B of Traveling Bells
Don of Beyond Left Field
Moooooog35 of Mental Poo
Adeel Imran of GobblerR-Tech Blog
Barb of WillThink4Wine
DrillerAA09 of Driller's Place
Empress Bee (of the High Sea)of Muffin53
surveygirl46 of Survey Says...
Jennifer of Dust Bunny Hostage
Ann of Ann's Snap Edit & Scrap
Rajagopalan of Just Out
Descartes of If You Write It
Hale McKay of It Occurred To Me
Ettarose of Sanity of Edge
Cloudia of Comfort Spiral
A great big THANK YOU to everyone that contributed to A Halloween Tale. You are all awesome!