Tuesday, September 15, 2009

Stock Market

CEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.

CFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.

BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.

BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.

VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.

P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.

BROKER -- What my broker has made me.

STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.

STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.

STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.

FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.

MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.

CASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.

YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.

WINDOWS -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.

INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.

PROFIT -- An archaic word no longer in use.

Stolen from: Hale McKay of It Occurred To Me


  1. STOCK SPLIT cracked me up.

    Your timing is impeccable as I just started moving some of my funds back into the market. Why, oh why, do I ever listen to my Investment Analyst? His name is Bob... that should be a clue, right?

  2. Oh! Now I understand the true meaning of CEO.
    hmmm... no recollection about "profit".

    Have a nice day Sandee!

  3. I know CASH FLOW real well....

  4. Glad to finally know what everybody is talking about.

    Very funny.

  5. I feel soooo much better informed now that I know the "lingo". Thanks for the lesson.

  6. Really wonderful piece of information and I appreciate it that you share something so useful with the readers of this blog.

  7. LOL Well now I know where my money is going :P

  8. the best market definitions ever.

  9. profit is the best one!!!

    smiles, bee

  10. printing this out for future reference...

  11. I enjoyed every bit of the definitions... especially the new definition for BROKER! Cheers!

  12. "STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell."

    Oh YES!

  13. ...And the federal government controls all of that now? We're screwed. "Screwed"-What we've been for almost thirty years.

  14. I agree with the comment above from Don. Great definitions -- and somewhat said because of the reality.

  15. I for one love this joke. being an investor myself, these titles aren't far from the truth. You always make me smile Sandee.

    Wishing you a GREAT day, Glenn

  16. Sandee: I lughed then cried ;-]

    Enough are finally paying attention that perhaps our president can reign in the maddness - though plenty of folks are screaming about "socialism" and prefer to be corporate serfs........

    Comfort Spiral

  17. Thanks for the laugh. We might as well...that's about all we can do.

    Big hugs, honey...

  18. Luckily the market has recovered nicely over the past 9 months and continues to move higher.

  19. Hilarious post! I really enjoyed that. I'm going to post this on my site as well, if it's okay with the original owner. I'll be sure and give them the credit!

    The Conservative Journal

  20. Good one, Sandee. I am familiar with this one:
    "STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves."
    That was my case, the lawyer got $367, she go house, kids, new car, and one credit card.
    I got the other credit cards all maxed out.
    Current Mrs. Jim and I do not carry a balance on credit cards. Learned the first time.

  21. That was really funny a post. I wonder what are they saying about those terminology. Maybe they will agree with you on some of the meaning.

  22. I have just started moving some of my funds into the market. wonderful piece of information and I appreciate it that you share something so useful with the readers of this blog.

  23. PROFIT -- An archaic word no longer in use.

    Ha! All of these were so good!

    *note to self - invest in Mason jars to bury money in backyard :)

  24. Hi, I’ve started to put together a few bits and pieces on spread betting if anybody is interested Trading Spreads any comment of feedback would be much appreciated

    Sean :)

  25. Hahahahahha.......really very nice one. I think you make a good lose in market.


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