Thursday, July 2, 2009

Men and Their Tools

Hammer - In ancient times a hammer was used to inflict pain on one's enemies. Modern hammers are used to inflict pain on oneself.

Screwdriver - The drink ordered at the local bar after you call in a professional repairman to undo the $500 in damage you did while trying to change out a light socket with your handy screwdriver.

Phillips Screwdriver - The bar drink that you order when the damage estimate is over $1,000. Contains twice the vodka.

Pliers - A device used to extend your reach the necessary few inches when you drop a one-of-a-kind screw down behind the new wall it took you two weeks to install.

Multi-Pliers - Contain a handy assortment of sharp and dangerous tools. Best left in it's leather sheath and worn on a homeowner's belt to increase testosterone levels.

Electronic Stud Finder - An annoying device that never goes off when you point it at yourself.

Halogen Light - A work light that lights up your backyard with the incandescence of a football stadium, causing you to cast a heavy shadow over the area you're working on so that you need to use a flashlight anyway.

Cordless Drill - A device that lessens your chance of electrocution 90% over a standard plug-in tool.

Cordless Telephone - The handyman's 911.

Air Compressor - A mechanical device similar in principal to harnessing the power of your mother-in-law's nagging complaints and using the resulting airflow to blast old paint off the side of the house.

Chainsaw - Allows you to cut your way out of the shed that you accidentally built completely around yourself.
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30 comments:

  1. "worn on a homeowner's belt to increase testosterone levels" sums it up rather nicely, don't you think? hahaha!

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  2. so THAT'S why sarge has that pesky chain saw!!!

    smiles, bee
    xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

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  3. Just remember, most women become mother-in-laws at some point. Just sayin'
    Have a great week-end.

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  4. And who said a woman couldn't understand tools?

    Now get the hell out of the workshop and get your own tools.

    Snerx.

    Very funny. LMAO

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  5. Phillips? What about the multi-screwdriver (free pour!!!), which is what I used to have when my husband "fixed' things.

    He's actually a great handy man (an ARTIST, really), I just like liquor.

    Any excuse. Heh hehheh

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  6. i'm still waking up so i read the title as "men ARE tools". lol

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  7. Really good ones! Fortunately my guy is a good fixer of most anything except clocks.

    Hope you are using your sunscreen. Happy 4th weekend. Big hugs...

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  8. Send us a cordless drill hehehhe and have a good weekend!

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  9. LMAO on the chainsaw :)

    lol...

    take care mate... cheers..

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  10. Well Sandy, now I've found an excuse to visit the local bar. I drove by there the other day and there were more pickups than cars. That means ???
    You are being hard on the guys this week but I can take it. In fact I like a little attention.
    Q: Did you know why Michelangelo sculpted David?
    A: It was for the benefit of all the ladies who were watching his progress and oogling the male model.
    ..

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  11. Before that experience he was into sculpting female nudes.
    ..

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  12. Lol I love it, I will send this to my boyfriend.

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  13. Q. What does a carpenter need to jump out of an airplane?
    A. Just his string line. It will get caught on something.

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  14. Where can I get an Electronic Stud Finder?? LOL
    Have a great day Sandee!

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  15. Thanks so much for getting rid of the David image for your men posts. I was getting a little nauseous.

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  16. Love it.

    (I've been having problems with your site crashing ever since I installed the newest internet explorer so I've been reading, but not able to comment. But I just downloaded foxfire and it seems to be working fine now - just FYI. )

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  17. Loved these -especially the "Stud finder"

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  18. Phillips Screwdrive, nice and CLASSIC!!

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  19. These are hilarious!!

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  20. have a great 4th celebration and dont get drunk on those screwdrivers

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  21. All good but especially the last one.
    Have a great 4th weekend.

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  22. Amazing how you keep coming up with such stuph! Glad you're off enjoying a long weekend on the water ... thought I might catch you in time to wish you a Happy 4th ;--)
    Hugs and blessings,

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  23. LOL... yup @ every one of them. Don't forget the ladies' most valuable tool: duct tape!!

    Happy 4th Sandy!! Enjoy being on the water.

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  24. Hey we need those tools to LIVE! LOL! Sandee I hope you have a most excellent 4TH! Party on Sandee! Party On!! Also big hugs and loves :D

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  25. Please pass me a Phillips Screwdriver. Quickly.

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  26. SANDEE, i could use some of these esp. the two screwdrivers... lol! great laugh as usual =)

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  27. "Electronic Stud Finder - An annoying device that never goes off when you point it at yourself."
    - OMG. ROFL. This one is epic!
    Oh men and their tools... that they don't actually know how to use. :D

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  28. Incense Sticks
    I really like it.
    Good info and a nice stuff for all.

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  29. These are BRILLIANTLY true, aren't they... hahahahahaha, so very true, and applies to females at some times... great one!!!
    Much love, hugs and :))))

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  30. really nice one ! specially Phillips Screwdriver one

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