"You know how bad my memory is." Translated: "I remember the theme song to 'F Troop', the address of the first girl I ever kissed, and the vehicle identification numbers of every car I've ever owned, but I forgot your birthday."
"I was just thinking about you, and got you these roses." Translated: "The girl selling them on the corner was a real babe."
"Oh, don't fuss - I just cut myself, it's no big deal." Translated: "I have actually severed a limb, but will bleed to death before I admit that I'm hurt."
"I can't find it." Translated: "It didn't fall into my outstretched hands, so I'm completely clueless."
"What did I do this time?" Translated: "What did you catch me at?"
"I heard you." Translated: "I haven't the foggiest clue what you just said, and am hoping desperately that I can fake it well enough so that you don't spend the next three days yelling at me."
"You know I could never love anyone else." Translated: "I am used to the way you yell at me, and realize it could be worse."
"You look terrific." Translated: "Oh, God, please don't try on one more outfit, I'm starving."
"I'm not lost. I know exactly where we are." Translated: "No one will ever see us alive again."