Sunday, June 28, 2009

Women - Part II

Grocery List (grow*ser*ee list) n. What you spend half an hour writing, then forget to take with you to the store.

Hair Dresser (hare dres*er) n. Someone who is able to create a style you will never be able to duplicate again. See "Magician."

Hardware Store (hard*war stor) n. Similar to a black hole in space-if he goes in, he isn't coming out anytime soon.

Childbirth (child*brth) n. You get to go through 36 hours of contractions; he gets to hold your hand and say "focus,...breath...push..."

Lipstick (lip*stik) n. On your lips, coloring to enhance the beauty of your mouth. On his collar, coloring only a tramp would wear...!

Park (park) v./n. Before children, a verb meaning, "to go somewhere and neck." After children, a noun meaning a place with a swing set and slide.

Patience (pa*shens) n. The most important ingredient for dating, marriage and children. See also "tranquilizers."

Waterproof Mascara (wah*tr*pruf mas*kar*ah) n. Comes off if you cry, shower, or swim, but will not come off if you try to remove it.

Valentine's Day (val*en*tinez dae) n. A day when you have dreams of a candlelight dinner, diamonds, and romance, but consider yourself lucky to get a card.
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22 comments:

  1. What a different world you females live in :-)

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  2. You had me at 'grocery list'!

    Have a great Sunday, Sandee!

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  3. It's funny playing with our own language but those who have not English as maternal language do a lot of funny combinations too.

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  4. Grocery List, To-Do Lists, Packing Lists... I have a List of Lists.

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  5. Have you been following me around? I can relate to all of these! Big Sunday hugs...

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  6. hardware store - i don't know if sarge ever saw one of these??? but he sure does know how to CALL for a repairman! bless his heart.

    smiles, bee
    xxoxoxoxoxoxoox

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  7. these are funny...a couple are way too true..

    hope you guys had a great weekend.

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  8. It's what you give on Valentines Day that counts.

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  9. i wonder if all the MEN can relate... lol!

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  10. Great definitions, and so true.

    LMAO

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  11. So which is more important...Valentine's Day or your Wedding Anniversary? You can be showered with one but not both. Just sayin'.

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  12. I like this dictionary :P

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  13. Wow! Loved it. If only women really could rule the world ... and all women could read this. My favorite was "childbirth" but all of them had me laughing.

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  14. Those were great, Sandee. Loved 'em all -- and they were right on target.

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  15. Loved both installments, but literally laughed out loud at this one...
    Patience (pa*shens) n. The most important ingredient for dating, marriage and children. See also "tranquilizers."

    Hubby has been teasing me that when he's officially the stay at home dad, all he'll need is NYQUIL.

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  16. The stuff about waterproof mascara is so true! That's why I use just the regular one ;o)

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  17. These are perfectly TRUE, aren't they? Especially Waterproof Mascara, Grocery list, Valentine's day, and a couple of others... excellent, just excellent... I love these!!!!!!
    Much love, hugs, and :)))))

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  18. Perfect! Every single one is so true. Hahahaha

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  19. Actually, on Valentine's Day, I'm lucky if he even acknowledges it with a snarky comment.

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  20. So funny and TRUE!

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  21. Hair style I'll NEVER duplicate. HA! That is SO true....!

    Woman ... you are rocking the weight loss world! Awesome!

    I went to the beach with the kids yesterday and ate chips, and dip, and cheetos! Seriously I ate very very sensibly the rest of the day. But I think those chips and dip and that thing where I finished all of the cheetos myself late at night (there weren't THAT many in the bag, lol) DID ME IN!

    177.5 TODAY! Aaaarrrrghhhhhh!

    Today, I am drinking lots, eating high fiber cereal, and drinking lots more.

    Oooh! but I DID go to bed early last night!

    p.s. I didn't comment on all the humor posts I missed, but I just read them all to Becca and we enjoyed them.

    I won't give up!

    I'm gonna get there!!!

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