Thursday, May 21, 2009

Kid Speak - Part 1


I was driving with my three young children one warm summer evening when a woman in the convertible ahead of us stood up and waved. She was stark naked!

As I was reeling from the shock, I heard my 5-year-old shout from the back seat, "Mom! That lady isn't wearing a seat belt!"


On the first day of school, a first-grader handed his teacher a note from his mother. The note read, "The opinions expressed by this child are not necessarily those of his parents."


A woman was trying hard to get the ketchup out of the jar. During her struggle the phone rang so she asked her 4-year-old daughter to answer the phone. "Mommy can't come to the phone to talk to you right now. She's hitting the bottle."


A little boy got lost at the YMCA and found himself in the women's locker room. When he was spotted, the room burst into shrieks, with ladies grabbing towels and running for cover. The little boy watched in amazement and then asked, "What's the matter, haven't you ever seen a little boy before?"


While taking a routine vandalism report at an elementary school, I was interrupted by a little girl about 6 years old. Looking up and down at my uniform, she asked, "Are you a cop?"

"Yes," I answered and continued writing the report. "My mother said if I ever needed help I should ask the police. Is that right?"

"Yes, that's right," I told her.

"Well, then," she said as she extended her foot toward me, "would you please tie my shoe?"


It was the end of the day when I parked my police van in front of the station. As I gathered my equipment, my K-9 partner, Jake, was barking, and I saw a little boy staring in at me. "Is that a dog you got back there?" he asked.

"It sure is," I replied.

Puzzled, the boy looked at me and then towards the back of the van. Finally he said, "What did he do?"

Hat tip: Jackie (Shinade) of The Painted Veil
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  1. Loved these, especially the first one and the mom hitting the bottle.

  2. I needed those chuckles this morning! Enjoy your day, honey!

  3. Can't you just see those as really happening?!?!?!

  4. I think I need my shoe tied as well. Let me go find some police :o)
    Are you boating this weekend? Should be great weather for it ;o)

  5. HA! Those are so funny. Out of the mouths of babes. Kids will do the darndest things! Love it.

  6. Those are funny! I loved the opinions one...

  7. Those are great. I too have difficulty with the ketchup bottle. Hehehehe.

  8. The hitting the bottle part really cracked me up.

  9. well what DID the dog do? ha ha ha

    smiles, bee

  10. These brightened my day!

  11. Thanks for the laugh! I have a million of these stories with my four girls!

    Have a great day, sweetie!


  12. Loved the last one... what did the dog do? Kids are too cute.

    Have a great weekend!

  13. haven't you ever seen a little boy before?

    That cracked me up!

  14. Kids say the darndest things!

  15. Ha ha! I've seen a few of these but they were all new to me ;)

  16. I will look for policeman today and ask for help.

  17. nice article, lol

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  19. Heh... I like Police #2...

  20. Needed these today... I think my fave is the note from the mom to the teacher! My folks would deliberately feed me misinformation so I wouldn't gab too much.

  21. Very funny, thanks for the laugh!

    Love and Blessings,

  22. What? I didn't comment on this one? What in the heck? I totally remember commenting on the seat belt thing. And laughing at it! What button did I click after I wrote, I wonder?


    What ARE we going to DO with me?

  23. Great story,would have cheered me up!

  24. Hahahahaha, I loved these, the one with the little boy is the best!!!! Hope you had a great weekend!!!
    Much love, hugs and :)))) always...

  25. You have a High Five from me HERE! :-)


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