Wednesday, December 31, 2008

One Wrong Question

31 comments:
Young Boudreaux applied for an engineering job way, way up north in Shreveport. A local man applied for the same job and both applicants, having the same qualifications, were asked to take a test by the department manager.

Upon completion of the test, both men missed only one question. The manager went up to Boudreaux and said, "Thank you for your interest, but we've decided to give the local man the job."

Tuesday, December 30, 2008

Marriage

32 comments:
A woman is in bed with her lover, who also happens to be her husband’s best friend. They make love for hours, and afterward, while they’re just lying there, the phone rings. Since it’s the woman’s house, she picks up the receiver. Her lover looks over at her and listens, only hearing her side of the conversation.

Monday, December 29, 2008

Clyde's Day in Court

34 comments:
A farmer named Clyde had a car accident. In court, the trucking company’s fancy lawyer was questioning Clyde.

"Didn’t you say, at the scene of the accident, I’m fine," asked the lawyer.

Clyde responded, "Well, I’ll tell you what happened. I had just loaded my favorite mule, Bessie, into the…"

Sunday, December 28, 2008

You Stand Out From the Crowd Award

12 comments:
Virginia (Storyteller) of Happily Retired Gal created a brand new award called You Stand Out From the Crowd award, and she gave it to me.

Thank you so very much. Big hug.

Blagojevich

26 comments:
Rod Blagojevich (born December 10, 1956) is an American convict and former politician who served as the 40th Governor of Illinois from 2003 to 2009.

A Democrat, Blagojevich was a State Representative before being elected to the United States House of Representatives representing parts of Chicago. He was elected governor in 2002, the first Democrat to win the office since Daniel Walker's victory 30 years earlier.

Saturday, December 27, 2008

This Week in Entrecard

5 comments:
This is a great big thank you for last weeks advertisers. For those that I honor each week/month I'm well aware of the dedication you show. In order to stay in the top of the heap you're dropping EC every single day. Many of you have more than one blog and that's 300 drops per day per blog.

Words To Live By

25 comments:
This quote has always been very special to me. I just wanted to share it with you.

Rely on your own strength of body and soul. Take for your star self-reliance, faith, honesty and industry. Don't take too much advice — keep at the helm and steer your own ship, and remember that the great art of commanding is to take a fair share of the work. 

Spread The ♥ Award

1 comment:
Colleen of Life Is A Story awarded me the Spread The ♥ award. Thank you so very much Colleen. Big hug.

Here are the rules:

Friday, December 26, 2008

The Day After Christmas

26 comments:
It's one day after Christmas
I'm crabby and I'm broke.
I'm so full of ham and fruitcake
I think I'm gonna croak.

It's nice to see the relatives
I wonder when they'll leave.
They've been camping in my bathroom
since early Christmas Eve.

Thursday, December 25, 2008

Merry Christmas

36 comments:
The greetings and farewells "Merry Christmas" and "Happy Christmas" are traditionally used in English-speaking countries, starting a few weeks before Christmas (25 December) each year.
Variations are:

"Merry Christmas", the traditional English greeting, composed of merry (jolly, happy) and Christmas (Old English: Cristes mæsse, for Christ's Mass).

Wednesday, December 24, 2008

Merry-uca Christmas!

11 comments:
Mariuca of Mariuca - Wishing on a Falling Star gave me a very special Christmas Card. Isn't the card she had made awesome too? Yes, it is. I thought I would post her gift on my blog too. Thanks for always thinking of me. Big hug and Merry Christmas to you and yours Mariuca.

Three Hymns

40 comments:
The Sunday before Christmas, a pastor told his congregation that the church needed some extra money. He asked the people to consider donating a little more than usual into the offering plate.

Tuesday, December 23, 2008

This Holy Season

53 comments:
Three men died on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint Peter at the pearly gates.

"In honor of this holy season," Saint Peter said, "You must each possess something that symbolizes Christmas to get into heaven."

Monday, December 22, 2008

The Singing Christmas Parrot

6 comments:
A few days before Christmas, a man enters a pet store looking for a unique gift for his wife. The store manager tells him he has just what he's looking for! A beautiful parrot named Chet that sings Christmas carols. He brings the husband over to a colorful but quiet bird.

The man agrees that Chet certainly is pretty, but he doesn't seem to be much for singing.

Sunday, December 21, 2008

You Make My Day Award

2 comments:
Virginia (Storyteller) of Small Reflections created another great award. It's the You Make My Day award. Thank you so much. I love it.

Here's what she said about this award:

Plaxico Burress On Gun Safety

5 comments:
On November 28, 2008, Burress suffered an accidental, self-inflicted gunshot wound to his right thigh at the New York City nightclub LQ on Lexington Avenue in New York City when his Glock pistol, in the pocket of his black-colored jeans, began sliding down his leg; apparently in reaching for his gun, he inadvertently pressed the trigger, causing the gun to fire. The Manhattan District Attorney stated Burress was in fact wearing jeans. The injury was not life-threatening and Burress was released from an area hospital the next afternoon. Source: Wikipedia

Saturday, December 20, 2008

This Week in Entrecard

2 comments:
This is a great big thank you for last weeks advertisers. For those that I honor each week/month I'm well aware of the dedication you show. In order to stay in the top of the heap you're dropping EC every single day. Many of you have more than one blog and that's 300 drops per day per blog.

Church Humor

3 comments:
Religion is an organized collection of beliefs, cultural systems, and world views that relate humanity to an order of existence. Many religions have narratives, symbols, and sacred histories that are intended to explain the meaning of life and/or to explain the origin of life or the Universe. From their beliefs about the cosmos and human nature, people derive morality, ethics, religious laws or a preferred lifestyle. According to some estimates, there are roughly 4,200 religions in the world.

Butterfly Award

3 comments:
Kat of Candles, Crafts and Whatnot gave me the Butterfly award. What is so cute about this is she figures I already have it, but she wants to give it to me too.

Now that is just plain nice. Thank you so very much Kat. Big hug!

Now, in order to accept this award, I have to do the following:

Friday, December 19, 2008

Riddle of the Day

2 comments:
Arnold Schwarzenegger has a big one.

Michael J. Fox has a small one.

Madonna doesn't have one.

The Pope has one but doesn't use it.

Thursday, December 18, 2008

AARP

2 comments:
AARP Services Inc. offers Medicare supplemental health
insurance, discounts on prescription drugs and consumer goods, entertainment and travel packages, long-term care insurance and automobile, home and life insurance. It provides quality control over the products and services made available by AARP-endorsed providers.

Wednesday, December 17, 2008

Desperate For Sex

No comments:
Since the wife is eight months into her pregnancy, the husband has to sleep on the floor to avoid any regrettable mistake, which might happen pretty easily, for he has been desperate for sex for quite a while now.

Tuesday, December 16, 2008

My Living Will

No comments:
Last night, Glenna and I were sitting in the living room and I said to her, 'I never want to live in a vegetative state, dependent on some machine and fluids from a bottle. If that ever happens, just pull the plug.'

She got up, unplugged the Computer, and threw out my wine.

Monday, December 15, 2008

Cleanin' Chickens

No comments:
Late again," the third-grade teacher said to little Sammy.

"It ain't my fault," Miss Crabtree. "You can blame this on my Daddy. The reason I'm three hours late is Daddy sleeps naked!"

Now Miss Crabtree had taught grammar school for thirty-some-odd years. So she asked little Sammy what he meant by that, despite her mounting fears.

Sunday, December 14, 2008

Blog L♥ve Award

1 comment:
Mousey of Say Cheese awarded me the Blog L♥ve award. I've been wanting this one. How did she know? Thanks a million Mousey.

Here are the rules:

Put the logo in your blog.
Add a link to the person who shared it with you.

Amazing Grace Techno

No comments:
Christmas lights are lights used for decoration around Christmas. The custom goes back to the use of candles to decorate the Christmas tree in upper-class homes in 18th-century Germany. Christmas trees displayed publicly and illuminated with electric lights became popular in the early 20th century. By the mid-20th century, it became customary to display strings of electric lights as along streets and on buildings Christmas decorations detached from the Christmas tree itself.

Saturday, December 13, 2008

This Week in Entrecard

No comments:
This is a great big thank you for last weeks advertisers. For those that I honor each week/month I'm well aware of the dedication you show. In order to stay in the top of the heap you're dropping EC every single day. Many of you have more than one blog and that's 300 drops per day per blog.

Sponser an Executive

No comments:
I saw this over at Political Conservatives and just had to post it here.

Thanks a million Paul and Laura. This is a riot folks...

Enjoy 1.33 seconds of stupidity.

Friday, December 12, 2008

Change of Watch 2008

No comments:
Last Friday night was lots of fun for me, as was for many others in attendance of our yacht clubs Change of Watch Christmas dinner. It's when those that volunteer their time and talents either have fulfilled their commitment, stay in the same post, or move up the chairs. This means that I got a promotion.

Thursday, December 11, 2008

Wal-Mart Greeter

No comments:
So, after landing my new job as a Wal-Mart greeter, a good find for many retirees, I lasted less than a day...

About two hours into my first day on the job a very loud, unattractive, mean-acting woman walked into the store with her two kids, yelling obscenities at them all the way through the entrance. As I had been instructed, I said pleasantly, 'Good morning, and welcome to Wal-Mart. Nice children you have there. Are they twins?'

Wednesday, December 10, 2008

1955 - Part II

No comments:
ImageChef.com - Custom comment codes for MySpace, Hi5, Friendster and more That's only 53 years ago!

'I never thought I'd see the day all our kitchen appliances would be electric. They are even making electric typewriters now.'

'It's too bad things are so tough nowadays. I see where a few married women are having to work to make ends meet.'

Tuesday, December 9, 2008

1955 - Part I

No comments:
ImageChef.com - Custom comment codes for MySpace, Hi5, Friendster and more That's only 53 years ago!

'I'll tell you one thing, if things keep going the way they are, it's going to be impossible to buy a week's groceries for $20.00.'

'Have you seen the new cars coming out next year? It won't be long before $2,000.00 will only buy a used one.'

Monday, December 8, 2008

Second Opinion

2 comments:
While in China, an American man is sexually promiscuous and does not use a condom all the time.

A week after arriving back home in the States, he wakes one morning to find his penis covered with purple spots.. Horrified, he immediately goes to see a doctor. The doctor, never having seen anything like this before, orders some tests and tells the man to return in two days for the results.

Sunday, December 7, 2008

An Opinion

1 comment:
Doctors' Opinion of Financial Bail Out Package...

The Allergists voted to scratch it, and the Dermatologists advised not to make any rash moves.

The Gastroenterologists had sort of a gut feeling about it, but the Neurologists thought the Administration had a lot of nerve, and the Obstetricians felt they were all laboring under a misconception.

Saturday, December 6, 2008

This Week in Entrecard

No comments:
This is a great big thank you for last weeks advertisers. For those that I honor each week/month I'm well aware of the dedication you show. In order to stay in the top of the heap you're dropping EC every single day. Many of you have more than one blog and that's 300 drops per day per blog.

I'm a Pink Tree!

No comments:
You Should Have a Pink Christmas Tree

For you, the holidays represent a time of friendship and sharing.
You're happy as long as you're spending time with the people you care about.
You are passionate about the holidays, and that start of the holiday season makes you very excited.

Thursday, December 4, 2008

Southern University Psychology

No comments:
At a southern university, students in the psychology program were attending their first class on emotional extremes.

"Just to establish some parameters," said the professor to the student from Arkansas, "what is the opposite of joy?"

Wednesday, December 3, 2008

Male Stripper's

1 comment:
Last night, my Red Hat friends and I went to a Ladies Night Club. One of the girls wanted to impress the rest of us, so she pulled out a $10 bill. When the male dancer came over to us, my friend licked the $10 bill and stuck it to his butt cheek!

Not to be outdone, another friend pulls out a $20 bill. She called the guy back, licks the $20 bill, and sticks it to his other butt cheek.

Tuesday, December 2, 2008

Natural-born Citizens

No comments:
In one of the government classes, they were discussing the qualifications to be president of the United States ...

They are pretty simple:

The candidate must be a natural born citizen and at least 35 years of age.

Monday, December 1, 2008

November Top Droppers

No comments:
This is a great big thank you for last weeks advertisers. For those that I honor each week/month I'm well aware of the dedication you show. In order to stay in the top of the heap you're dropping EC every single day. Many of you have more than one blog and that's 300 drops per day per blog.

No Baby Talk!

No comments:
A group of kindergartners were trying very hard to become accustomed to the first grade.

The biggest hurdle they faced was that the teacher insisted on NO baby talk! You need to use 'big people words', she was always reminding them. She asked John what he had done over the weekend.