Saturday, October 10, 2009

Twin 454's

The twin 454s roared to life, prepared to consume hundreds of gallons of fuel. Zane and Sandee left the dock with hearts quickened by the prospect of the skyline of San Francisco appearing across their bow. Sandee was incredibly excited. It had been a long, exhausting week and she was looking forward to a relaxing and romantic couple of days. She had no idea, however, what Zane had in store for her. Yep. It was going to be a bumpy ride.

It could not have been a more perfect morning to start an adventure. The water was like glass, the air was cool and crisp, and the aroma of fresh brewed coffee only served to heighten her expectations. She and Zane enjoyed the sunrise over the city by the bay. Watching as the sun spotlight the sights of SF -- Coit tower and the Golden Gate Bridge. Off they went to Tadish Grill for a true SF lunch.

Little did they -- or other diners - know that an escapee from the mental facility had finagled a job in the kitchen. His intentions were evil. It was "the bush man" normally seen at the wharf but no one recognized him because he didn't have his bush branch with him. He did something funny to the bay shrimp salad that resembled a strange voodoo act. Sandee and Zane chose not to order the salad, but chose another fabulous dish instead off the menu.

Sandee had ordered a wonderful Fillet Mignon with Fresh Lobster Tail, and Zane had ordered a Dover Sole with a wild rice pilaf. The Bushman had seen Sandee and Zane dock their boat at the wharf and new that their boat is the one he wanted to make his escape. He helped in preparing the order for Sandee and Zane. He thought that he had this one chance to ready his get away. He assumed that Zane would have ordered the steak and lobster and that Sandee would have ordered the sole. He laced the steak and lobster with Cialis and also laced the sole with Spanish Fly. He thought that that would keep them very busy once the "hydrolics" kicked in so he could make his get away with their boat.

What he thought was Spanish Fly was actually Salt Peter (he was functionally illiterate). The laced dishes were served to Sandee and Zane, and the bushman waited patiently for his additions to kick in not realizing that Sandee received the Cialis laced Lobster, and Zane received the Sole laced with Salt Peter. The bushman waited for his moment to go and steal the boat, but Zane and Sandee started to sing show tunes and then started to dance the Paso Doble! She was smokin'! Who knew Sandee could dance like that?! Zane was barely keeping up with Sandee, because of course the poor guy had too much wine and then Sandee spotted a Norwegian Viking - they fell in love - and he took her to the land of the midnight sun. Sitting on a beach with a glory red never ending sunset Sandee said: "Sven, take me in your arms and never let me go."

It would not be so however. Zane had long since recovered from the ill affects of the salt peter and was now in hot pursuit of his beloved Sandee. As his boat neared the beach where Sven and Sandee were hopelessly locked in an passionate embrace Zane shouted out, "run Sandee run!!" and Sandee looked up and said "you talkin' to me?"

How do you expect me to run in this sea shell thong bikini for crying out loud? Go get that Segway that we rented earlier, it will be much quicker and safer. Sandee was dismayed, for her love for Zane was so strong that she would NEVER in her right mind fall for ANYONE, not ever... Feeling shaken, and worried, Sandee hit Sven over the head with an old oar, and told him, "You fool, I could never love anyone besides Zane, what are you up to anyway?" Sven held his bleeding head and said, "Who are you?"

Sven looked up at Sandee and said, "You must me a mermaid, because only mermaids wear sea shell thong bikinis." Sandee looked down at him, still kind of angry and said, "I'm not a mermaid, I wear a Sea Shell thong bikini because a Bee shell is too small, and a Dee Shell is too large." Sven, Sandee, and Zane were ready to head their own ways, but then they looked over the bay and saw the Bushman. The Bushman had a box of sea shells and ball of string.

Sandee could feel the affects of the tainted food taking over. Her body flushed with what could only be described as a wanton, lustful greed. She glanced towards Zane as the setting sun cast its golden glow, surrounding him, making him appear God like, making her want him more now than ever.

She felt a heat pass through her body, settling somewhere between her belly and her thighs and she took a few tentative steps towards him. He had always been the love of her life and today was no different. Sven was now just a figure of her imagination as she spotted the tell tale sign that the Cialis had kicked in. Yes, the flag had been raised and she could not help but anticipate what might happen when they returned to their waiting yacht.

The Bushman would have to find someone else to mess with because in less than eight hours things would start to return to normal for Zane. Sandee knew she had to use this time wisely. First she made sure all the doors were locked on the yacht, stepped out of the bikini and lit some candles. Several hours later folks could still see the yacht gently and not-so-gently rocking in the waves.....Just when Zane thought he could take it no more (and the Cialis was wearing off) a knock was heard at the door.

It was Neptune, God of the Sea. He was furious with the "Rockin and Rollin" that was coming from the direction of the yacht. It was creating a tempest in the oyster beds and the Mother of Pearls was having a hard time getting the "Pearlets" to sleep. When Sandee opened the door, Neptune was ready to yield his trident, but then he noticed the Sea Shell Thong Bikini that was hanging on a post of the foot of the bed. Neptune recognized that bikini, and in turn recognized Sandee, for he realized that Sandee was his long lost Mother.

Neptune bowed and wept at the sight of his long lost mother. Sandee, Mother of the Titans, overseer of all that is earthbound and of the Heavens. Even Zeus pays homage to the Queen Mother of the Titans. Sandee had been lost for a millennium, not knowing her true origins due to a tragic accident that left her with amnesia. Neptune filled Sandee in with the truth of her identity, and with the combination of a Cialis overdose, her memory started to come back to her.

Sandee realized that it was not an accident that caused her misfortune, but she was poisoned by an evil gorgon. A gorgon that she now recognized as the Bushman. It became clear to Sandee that the Bushman had kept her in a state of amnesia all these years to fulfill his evil mission. Donning her Sea Shell Thong Bikini (which now was not quite as snug, for the drugs had worn off), she grabbed her scimitar and took Zane and Neptune with her to find and finally defeat the gorgon Bushman. But before they left, Sandee had to write a blog post.

As soon as she was done posting, her beloved Zane swept her off her feet and spoke of his deep love. She in return did the same. "What a day!" she said and all of a sudden the evil Empress Pipi of Longeth Hose appeared on the bow of their lovely yacht. "You have discovered your true identity," bellowed Pipi. "I am the mother of all gorgons, and you will not have your revenge over my son."

To avert a battle to challenge the Gods, Zane grabbed his twin 454s, and ever so slightly, lifted them that when he started them they would create a great diversion. He was not going to allow this mother of all gorgons to interfere with ANYTHING his precious Sandee set out to do, especially since she was mother to Neptune, and this awful mess had to be resolved that the sea might return to the perfection it had always been, plus, he was feeling the effects of Cialis again, and could not help but feel more and more for her, and danged, that bikini was sexy!

Zane stepped forward after lifting his 454s and said to the mother of the gorgons. Even as Zane was distracted, he was indeed a great pilot and skipper, because he was the captain of the SS Minnow for years before the Gilligan's took over.
He grabbed Sandee's hand as they made a sharp starboard turn, but the hand was greasy from lunch (chicken)...and she FELL OVERBOARD!!! Oh my, her life preserver was not on.

But not all was lost, the string of pearls that held the wondrous Sea Shell String Bikini together caught on the anchor rope guide eye-hooks. Reacting without a thought, Zane reached over the hull of the yacht, and was able to pull Sandee back up by the pearls (remember they were strung by the Gods). Sandee, now exasperated by the events, raised her mighty Scimitar of Truth and it started to glow a blinding light of white. Sandee spoke in the ancient tongue of the Gods and Zane and the gorgon bushman Ptooie! That ancient tongue was very salty and barely fit in her mouth! Even more determined, Sandee stood on the edge of the bow, held up her Scimitar of Truth and after un-snagging it from he Seashell bikini, lowered the Scimitar of Truth to the surface of the sea and shouted, By the power of Grayskull...I have Gray cells! The Scimitar of Truth, which had an inbuilt lie detector glowed with wrath, cos Sandee actually had a positronic brain. That's exactly what Sandee was waiting for. Both the gorgon bushman and his evil mother vanished into thin air.

The sun returned and all was well with the world. Zane and Sandee resumed their romantic bay cruise without further mishap.

Contributing Authors (in order of appearance):

Vodka Mom of I Need a Martini Mom
Drilleraa of Brain Freeze
Lois of Lowdown From Lois
Sherry of A is for Anecdotes...S is for Smiles
Sassy Mama Bear of Cafe at the End of the Universe
Frank of Foxxfyrre's Honk'n'Holl'r
Marilyn of More Random Than Average
Gandalf and Grayson of Gandalf and Grayson
Renny of RennyBA's Terella
Jeff of A Word In Edgewise
Empress Bee (of the High Sea) of Muffin 53
Lyn of The Loft of Love by Lynda
JBWriterGirl of The "Not-So" News/JBLA
Mimi of Mimi Writes...
Rhonda of Led Beside Still Waters
Eric of Speedcat Hollydale Page
Roger of Idaho Photo
Stupidosaur of The Little Ranting Reptile and Other Stories....

A great big THANK YOU to everyone that contributed to Twin 454's!

Related Posts:

Empress Bee (of the High Sea)
Foxxfyrre's Honk'n'Holl'r
The Tall Texan
The Young Politician
The Evil Queen
The Handsome Prince

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