Saturday, January 28, 2006

Psychiatry and Proctology

1 comment:
Two doctors opened an office in a small town and put up a sign reading “Dr. Smith and Dr. Jones, Psychiatry and Proctology.”

The town council was not happy with the sign, so the doctors changed it to “Hysterias and Posteriors.”

Friday, January 27, 2006

Happy Anniversary

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A man and his wife were celebrating 50 years together. Their three kids, all very successful, agreed to a Sunday dinner in their honor.

“Happy Anniversary Mom and Dad,” gushed son number one… “Sorry I’m running late, I had an emergency, you know how it is, didn’t have time to get you both a present.”

Thursday, January 26, 2006

Harley-Davidson and God

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The inventor of the Harley-Davidson motorcycle, Arthur Davidson, died and went to Heaven. At the gates, St. Peter told Arthur, “Since you’ve been such a good man and your motorcycles have changed the world, your reward is, you can hang out with anyone you want in Heaven.”

Wednesday, January 25, 2006

Six Classic Affairs

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The 1st Affair

A married man was having an affair with his secretary. One day they went to her place and made love all afternoon. Exhausted, they fell asleep and woke up at 8 PM. The man hurriedly dressed and told his lover to take his shoes outside and rub them in the grass and dirt. He put on his shoes and drove home.

Tuesday, January 24, 2006

The Lord and Noah

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In the year 2006, the Lord came unto Noah, who was now living in the United states, and said,

“Once again, the earth has become wicked and over-populated, and I see the end of all flesh before me.

Monday, January 23, 2006

A Bad Day

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Having a Bad Day?

Fire authorities in California found a corpse in a burned out section of forest while assessing the damage done by a forest fire. The deceased male was dressed in a full wet suit, complete with scuba tanks on his back, flippers, and face mask. A post-mortem revealed that the person died not from burns, but from massive internal injuries. Dental records provided a positive identification.

Wednesday, January 18, 2006

Ringggg, Ringggg, Ringggg

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Pick up

“Hello?”

“Hi honey, this is Daddy, is Mommy near the phone?”

“No Daddy, she’s upstairs in the bedroom with Uncle Paul.”

Saturday, January 14, 2006

Last Wish

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An Indian scouting party captures a cowboy from a bar and brings him back to their camp to meet the chief. The chief says to the cowboy, “You going die. But we sorry for you, so give you one wish a day for three days. At sundown third day, you die. What first wish?”

The cowboy says, “I want to see my horse.”

Thursday, January 12, 2006

Golf vs Sex

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A golfer is in a competitive match with a friend, who is ahead by a couple of strokes. “Boy, I’d give anything to sink this putt,” the golfer mumbles to himself.

Just then, a stranger walks up beside him and whispers, “Would you be willing to give up one-fourth of your sex life?”

Wednesday, January 11, 2006

Social Security

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A retired gentleman went to the social security office to apply for Social Security.

The woman behind the counter asked him for his driver's license to verify his age.  He looked in his pockets and realized he had left his wallet at home.

Tuesday, January 10, 2006

Oil Shortage

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A lot of folks can’t understand how we came to have an oil shortage here in our country.

Well, there’s a very simple answer. Nobody bothered to check the oil. We just didn’t know we were getting low. The reason for that is purely geographical.

Monday, January 9, 2006

Cinderella

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Cinderella wants to go to the ball, but her wicked stepmother won’t let her.

As Cinderella sits crying in the garden, her fairy godmother appears, and promised to provide Cinderella with everything she needs to go to the ball, but only on two conditions. “First, you must wear a diaphragm.”

Sunday, January 8, 2006

Welfare Applications

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I am glad to report that my
husband who is missing is dead.

In accordance with your instructions,
I have given birth to twins
in the enclosed envelope.

Tuesday, January 3, 2006

Worst 1st Date

No comments:
This was on the “Tonight Show” with Jay Leno. Jay went into the audience to find the most embarrassing first date that a woman ever had. The winner described her worst first date experience. There was absolutely no question as to why her tale took the prize!

Sunday, January 1, 2006

Food Sites

1 comment:
Here's some of my favorite links for cooking sites, along with some awesome wine.

I will add to this list as time allows.