Life is TOO short to dance with ugly men.
I'm going south for the winter.. actually... some parts of me... are headed there already!
I think of hot-air ballooning as the most fear you'll ever experience in a wicker basket.
Father's Day is a chance for dads everywhere to fall asleep on the couch in a new tie.
I had some no-fat cheese on a pizza and it took me back...to the first time I ate paste.
What do I want out of life? You--out of my life. Now!
There's a good reason why they charge so much for tickets to professional sporting events. Fans are gullible.
You learn something new every day. Usually, how dumb yet another person is.
I like to keep my lawn perfect--no matter how much I have to yell at the kid who cuts it.
I love cooking outdoors! No smoke alarms!
Softball has got to be my favorite summertime activity. I get a kick out of bald, paunchy guys who think they're still athletes.
Fashion magazines are society's way of saying "If you don't feel inadequate already, read one of these!"
The problem with riverboat gambling is that you can't tell if you're queasy from losing your money or getting seasick.
The only thing wrong with public transportation is that it involves the public.
Image Credit: All4MySpace