Go to Goodwill and buy a pair of size 14-16 men's work boots.
Place them on your front porch, along with a copy of "Guns & Ammo" magazine.
Put your giant dog dishes next to the boots and magazine.
Leave a note on your door that reads:
Me and Marcel, Donnie Ray and Jimmy Earl went for more ammo and beer. Be back in an hour. Don't mess with the pit bulls. They got the mailman this morning and messed him up bad. I don't think Killer took part, but it was hard to tell from all the blood. Anyway, I locked all four of 'em in the house. Better wait outside. Be right back.
Hat tip: Dave and Linda from Alabama
Image Credit: Shoot The Guns - Latest Ammo