Two weeks later Liverpool are 4-0 down to Chelsea with only 20 minutes left. The manager gives the young Afghani striker the nod, and on he goes.
The lad is a sensation. He scores 5 goals in 20 minutes and wins the game for Liverpool. The fans are delighted, the players and the coach are delighted and the media loves the new star.
When the player comes off the pitch he phones his mum to tell her about his first day in English football.
"Hello mum, guess what?" he says, "I played for 20 minutes today, we were 4-0 down but I scored 5 goals and we won. Everybody loves me, the fans, the media, they all love me."
"Wonderful," says his mum, "Let me tell you about my day... Your father got shot in the street, your sister and I were ambushed and sexually assaulted, your brother has joined a gang of looters and all while you tell me that you were having a great time?"
The young lad is very upset. "What can I say mum, but I'm really sorry."
"Sorry? Sorry?," screams his mum, "It's your bloody fault we came to Liverpool in the first place!"
Hat tip: Phil of Phils Phun