Jay Leno

1. The US has made a new weapon that destroys people but keeps the building standing, its called the stock market - Jay Leno

2. Do you have any idea how cheap stocks are? Wall Street is now being called Wal Mart Street - Jay Leno

3. The difference between a pigeon and a London investment banker. The pigeon can still make a deposit on a BMW.

4. What's the difference between a guy who lost everything in Las Vegas and an investment banker? A tie.

5. The problem with investment bank balance sheet is that on the left side nothing's right and on the right side nothing's left.

6. I want to warn people from Nigeria who might be watching our show, if you get any emails from Washington asking for money, it's a scam. Don't fall for it - Jay Leno

7. Bush was asked about the credit crunch. He said it was his favorite candy bar - Jay Leno

8. The rescue bill was about 450 pages. President Obama's copy is even thicker. They had to include pictures. Jay Leno

9. President Obama's response was to support some small business owners in America. The small business owners are General Motors, General Electric and Century 21. - Jay Leno

10. What worries me most about the credit crunch, is that if one of my checks is returned stamped 'insufficient funds'. I won't know whether that refers to mine or the bank's.

Hat tip: Rajagopalan of Just Out

Winter

My husband and I purchased an old home in Northern New York State from two elderly sisters. Winter was fast approaching and I was concerned about the house's lack of insulation. "If they could live here all those years, so can we!" my husband confidently declared.

One November night the temperature plunged to below zero, and we woke up to find interior walls covered with frost. My husband called the sisters to ask how they had kept the house warm.

After a rather brief conversation, he hung up. "For the past 30 years," he muttered, "they've gone to Florida for the winter."

The Story Game

It's time to play The Story Game again. Here's how it works. I'll start a story. You continue it in comments. Each commenter picks up where the last left off. In a few days I'll give it an ending and post our story with the links to everyone who participated under the heading, "Contributing Authors". You can play as many times as you want. If someone derails the story will one of you put it back on track? Thanks for playing along and have a great day.

Here's the beginning of our new story: Bob and Mary just finished three days of holiday shopping when Mary discovered ...

Silly Sunday #12

Rhonda of Laugh Quotes has a meme called Silly Sunday. Go HERE for the simple rules.

Three Italian nuns die and go to heaven where they are met by St Peter at the pearly gates. St Peter says, "Ladies, you all led such wonderful lives, that I'm granting you six months to go back to Earth and be anyone you want."

The first nun says, "I want to be Sophia Loren" and she's gone.

The second says, "I want to be Madonna" and she's gone.

The third says "I want to be Sara Pipalini."

St Peter looks perplexed. "Who?" he says.

"Sara Pipalini" replies the nun.

St Peter shakes his head and says, "I'm sorry, that name just doesn't ring a bell."

The nun then takes a newspaper out of her habit and hands it to St Peter.

He reads the paper and starts laughing. He hands it back to her and says, "No Sister, this says 'Sahara Pipeline laid by 500 men'!"

Silly Sunday Participants

1. Catch My Words 2. stevebethere 3. Barb 4. Russ 5. Rhonda 6. Empress Bee 7. Traveling Bells

8. Sugar 9. Judy 10. Marg 11. Willy 12. Tony McGurk 13. Kibitz Spot 14. Comedy Plus

15. Angel 16. Annie 17. Bearman 18. Ann 19. Rajagopalan 20. Sucen 21. Mike

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Growing Older

Aging: eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying about your age and start bragging about it.

The easiest way to find something that's lost around the house is to buy a replacement.

If at first you don't succeed, shouldn't you try doing it like your wife told you?

A penny saved is a government oversight.

The real art of conversation is not only to say the right thing at the right time, but also to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment.

He who hesitates is almost certainly right.

Did you ever notice? The Roman Numerals for forty (40) are 'XL'.

If you can smile when things go wrong, you have someone in mind to blame.

The sole purpose of a child's middle name is so he can tell when he's really in trouble.

There's always a lot to be thankful for if you take time to look for it. For example I am sitting here thinking how nice it is that wrinkles don't hurt..
The older we get, the fewer things seem worth waiting in line for.

Long ago when men cursed and beat the ground with sticks, it was called witchcraft. Today, it's called golf.

Involuntary...

A professor at the University of Wisconsin was giving a lecture on "Involuntary Muscular Contractions" to his first year medical students.

Realizing this was not the most riveting subject, the professor decided to spice up his lecture.

He pointed to a young woman in the front row and asked, "Do you know what your a$$hole is doing while you're having an orgasm?"

She replied, "Probably deer hunting with his buddies."

It took 45 minutes to restore order in the classroom.

Hat tip: Sandy B of Traveling Bells

Happy Thanksgiving

Yesterday I asked what you were thankful for on Wednesdays Question and today I decided that I would tell you some of the things I'm thankful for.

For a wonderful, loving husband.

For my family that will be visiting today.

For my two granddaughters and my great granddaughter (who is walking already).

For the good health hubby and I are fortunate to enjoy.

For the home we made with each other. A home of quiet and harmony.

For the many great friends I've made over the years.

For my blogging buddies that I love so very much. You know who you are.

For the freedom to come and go as we please.

Happy Thanksgiving from our home to yours.

Wednesdays Question #30

It's Wednesday so that means it's question time. There isn't a right or wrong answer to this question as everyone has different opinions on any given issue.

So here's this weeks question:

Tomorrow is Thanksgiving for those living in America. What are you most thankful for?

Thanks Babs

Babs of Beetle's Memories & Ramblings sent me this photograph some time back and I stored it away for a day that I just needed a break. This is the day I need a break. This did crack me up too. The caption and the cats expression is spot on. Have a great day everyone.

Far Out!

After getting some great music from Grace of Dragon's Alley from the 50s and 60s. Then it was this post from Sarge Charlie and this post from Empress Bee that really got me to thinking about the 60s. I decided to take a look at the 60s in the good old U.S of A.

Population 177,830,000

Unemployment 3,852,000

Average Salary $4,743

Teacher's Salary $5,174

Minimum Wage $1.00

Life Expectancy: Males 66.6 years, Females 73.1 years

A great decade for musicals such as: Camelot, Hello Dolly, Oliver, Man of La Mancha, Hair, and Funny Girl.

Chubby Checker introduced the Twist on American Band Stand in 1961 and a new craze was born with dancing becoming something you didn't need a partner for.

The Mashed Potato, The Swim, The Watusi, the Monkey and The Jerk followed the Twist.

This was also the decade of the Go-Go girls, on stages or in bird cages, who danced above the crowd.

The Flintstones became the second cartoon on in primetime. (The first was Rocky and his Friends in 1959). Of course, more followed such as Alvin & the Chipmunks, The Jetsons, and Mr. Magoo.

Family television was The Andy Griffith Show. For our sitcom of that decade it was The Beverly Hillbillies. The sci-fi and supernatural included: Bewitched, The Addams Family, My Favorite Martian, I Dream of Jeannie, Star Trek, The Outer Limits, and The Twilight Zone.

Who could forget Rowan and Martin's Laugh-In. You bet your bippy you can't!

Do you remember most of this? Me too.

Boasting Boys

Three boys are in the schoolyard bragging about their fathers. The first boy says, "My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a poem, they give him $50."

The second boy says, "That's nothing. My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a song, they give him $100."

The third boy says, "I got you both beat. My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a sermon. And it takes eight people to collect all the money!"

Thank You Grace

Earlier this month Grace of Dragon's Alley had a contest. In her post titled, Let's Have Some Fun we were to guess what her favorite music is and I decided to play along. I knew that Grace loves all music, but she really loves opera so that was my guess. Well I won a CD and it arrived on Saturday. Thank you for putting together 31 really great songs.

Here's the playlist:

Baby, It's You
Be My Baby
Da Doo Ron Ron
Big John
Born Too Late
Chains
A Thing of the Past
He's A Rebel
Don't Say Nuthin' Bad About My Baby
Dedicated to the One I Love
Chapel of Love
Foolish Little Girl
Don't Mess With Bill
Dream Lover
Soldier Boy
He's Sure the Boy I Love
Mama Said
I Love How You Love Me
My Boyfriend's Back
Iko Iko
Please Mr. Postman
Sally Go 'Round the Rose
Maybe Tonight
Sweet Talkin' Guy
Then He Kissed Me
Boys
To Know Him Is To Love Him
Uptown
Tonight's the Night
You, Baby
Will You Love Me Tomorrow

See one that you want to listen to? Click on it and it will take you to You Tube. Thanks Grace and many of these were my favorites back in the day. A very pleasant walk down memory lane.

I'm Telling You!

Judy at Judy H-J-s Thoughts - A Twinless Twin awarded me the Tell Me About Yourself Award. If you've not visited Judy she has a lovely blog that I would read and not comment on (I know Empress Bee I'm not supposed to lurk). Here's what Judy's blog is about:

I am a Jamaican twinless twin who lost my identical twin sister Janine on October 16, 2008. Here I share pictures, articles, poems, music videos, quotations etc. I mainly write about being twins, my experiences since the death of my twin, coping with loss and grief and the wide range of interests that my twin and I shared over the years.

Thanks Judy I appreciate you thinking about me.

Here's the rules:

• I must tell 7 things about myself
• I must pass it on to 15 other bloggers.

Here's are Judy's 15 picks:

Comedy Plus
How to become an Einstein?
Mommy Growing up
A Rural Journal
First Day of My Life
Mom's Best Nest
My Crazy Life
Heartfelt Balance/Handmade Life
AboutBloggingTime!
Bloggity Blog
Notes from the Nelsens
Art @ Home
Tina's PicStory
Speed of Life
a mommy's lifestyle

So here's seven things about me:

1. I don't follow the rules very well so I'm not going to tag 15 people to do this. If you want to play along let me know and I'll come visit your post.
2. I met Judy (the lovely lady that tagged me with this meme) through Entrecard. I know many don't care for Entrecard, but I've sure met lots of folks through Entrecard.
3. I love all things boating. I love both our boats, and I adore the big cruise ships. I can hardly wait for our cruise to Hawaii.
4. I have lots of friends, but my very best friend is my husband.
   
5. I have a 41 year old son and two grandchildren. The oldest grandchild gave me a great granddaughter last December 27th.
6. I hate cold weather and abhor winter even though I live in central California and it doesn't snow here. I like to wear shorts, t-shirts and flip flops.
   
7. I'm a happy person 99% of the time. I love life and love beginning each day. Life is an attitude and I learned that long ago. I can make it a great day or I can complain about anything and everything. I'm going to make it a great day.
   

Now all of you go out and make it a great day too.

IOBG

In October I attended an International Order of the Blue Gavel (district 19) committee meeting at Ebony Boat Club. Membership is by invitation only and you have to be a past commodore to be considered. Your peers (the past commodores of your club) are polled to see if you are going to be invited as a member. I figured this would be done later in the year, but according to Dr. Bendsen it had already been done. He then told me that he wanted me to attend the meeting right after lunch. Okay, I can do that.

The vice president of the club was setting up events for 2012 and finding folks that would do an event. Also discussed was next years officers. He mentioned that there was an opening for treasurer at which time Dr. Bendsen pointed at me. I told him I didn't qualify as I was a commodore and would be until December 2, 2011. I also have to be inducted into IOBG before I can hold office. We had an attorney in the crowd that cleaned is up nicely. Have the positions of secretary and treasurer be done by the same person and after my induction I would then become the treasurer. I agreed to that.

The vice commodore then said he hoped I would go through the chairs, but it wasn't required. I agreed to go through the chairs. So my break from doing yacht club functions will last until February and then I'll start going through the chairs of another club. The best part? I'm happy about it as IOBG has always been near and dear to my heart.

Wednesdays Question #29

It's Wednesday so that means it's question time. There isn't a right or wrong answer to this question as everyone has different opinions on any given issue.

So here's this weeks question:

If you won a million dollars what would you do with the money?

Our Yacht Club

This past Saturday evening I conducted my last business meeting at The Point Waterfront Restaurant. It was an evening filled with fun, lots of laughs and fellowship among our members. Here's some of the really fun things I got to do:

I had the privilege of swearing in two new members. New members are the lifeblood of any club. They bring fresh ideas and add to an already great club. Our mantra is to have fun and that's what we do.

Our club won the first Harter Gail Force Wind award. Now this is a really big deal. There are 107 clubs in PICYA and we are one of those clubs. Each club vied for this award and it was based on the donations that each member gave to RBOC. This award is geared to help the smaller clubs to have a shot at winning. The current president of RBOC is Dr. Linda Bendsen who is also a member of Delta Marina Yacht Club. She got to present this award, but didn't know who the recipient was until the cover came off the award. To say that our club is thrilled is an understatement. Having received this award on Dr. Bendsen's watch is even better.

I got to say thank you publicly to all the officers and board of directors for their hard work all year long. I've been blessed with a great group of people to work with. They dug in and got the work done and had fun along the way. They were supportive of each other and there wasn't any infighting about anything.

I got to talk about the flag officers (those that really do lots of work) and recap the year and all their hard work. They did an outstanding job getting the work done and adding new and fun things into each event.

I got to rib our port captain who had some interesting experiences on our cruise to Driftwood Yacht Club. Our vice commodore had an issue with his boat and we came to his aid by side tying him to our boat in anticipation of towing him into Driftwood YC. Our port captain who is responsible for getting all the boats in to the cruises came along side to see if he could help. He couldn't so he said he would hurry to Driftwood so he could assist us in getting our boats in. He powered up! Big!!! and gave us a wake that wouldn't quit. Bless his heart. When we rounded the bend we saw our port captains boat way out of the channel and stuck. He had the smallest boat so none of us could go help him. He finally got free, and one of the other boats got close enough to hook to him and tow him in.

During our September meeting the port captain had a report for the flags and Board of Directors. "Plot your course. Stay in the channel, and don't wake the commodore when she is towing the vice commodore."

On December 2, 2011 I will step down as commodore of Delta Marina Yacht Club and will spend next year as the staff commodore. This is an advisory position. But I'm not done with going through the chairs. Check Thursdays post on what I'll be doing next year.

Y Generation

• People born before 1946 were called The Silent and Powerful Generation.
• People born between 1946 and 1964 are called The Baby Boomers.
• People born between 1965 and 1979 are called Generation X.
• And people born between 1980 and 2010 are called Generation Y.
  

Why do we call the last group Generation Y?

- Y should I get a job?
- Y should I leave home and find my own place?
- Y should I get a car when I can borrow yours?
- Y should I clean my room?
- Y should I wash and iron my own clothes?
- Y should I buy any food?

But a cartoonist explained it very eloquently below.

Hat tip: Georgia L.

About Cats - Part II

1. Cats get an average of 16 hours of sleep per day.


2. Cats have 32 muscles in each ear and can turn their ear very quickly to catch noise.


3. Cats have an average of 24 whiskers, arranged in four horizontal rows on each side.


4. Cats have five toes on each front paw, but only four toes on each back paw.


5. Cats make over 100 different vocal sounds; dogs can make about ten.


6. Dogs and cats, like humans, are either right or left handed, or is that paws?


7. Domestic cats hate lemons or other citrus scents.


8. In the cat family, only cheetahs cannot retract their claws.


9. Jaguars are the only big cats that don't roar.


10. Julius Ceasar, Henri II, Charles XI, and Napoleon were all afraid of cats.


11. Kittens are born both blind and deaf.


12. Most cats have no eyelashes.


13. Mother cats teach their kittens to use the litter box.


14. Sir Isaac Newton invented the cat door.


15. Today there are about 100 distinct breeds of the domestic cat.

About Cats - Part I

1. A cat can jump even seven times as high as it is tall.


2. A cat cannot see directly under its nose. This is why the cat cannot seem to find tidbits on the floor.


3. A cat is pregnant for about 58-65 days.


4. A cat's IQ is only surpassed by that of monkeys and chimps in the world of animals.


5. A cat's nose pad is as unique as a human fingerprint. No two nose prints are identical.


6. A cat's sense of smell is about 14 times stronger than ours.


7. A litter of kittens is called a kindle, and a group of cats is called a clowder.


8. Americans will spend more on cat food this year than baby food.


9. Ancient Egyptians shaved their eyebrows in mourning when their cats died.


10. Cat urine glows under a black-light!


11. Catgut comes from sheep not cats.


12. Cats are members of the Felidea family.


13. Cats are the only animals that purr. They can purr at around 26 cycles per second, which is the same frequency as an idling diesel engine.


14. Cats cannot taste sweet things.


15. Cats do not think that they are little people. They think that we are big cats.

The Comment Game

It's time to play the comment game again. We are on our boat, but that's no surprise to anyone.

Here's how it goes: I'll start the game off at the bottom of this post by choosing two words or phrases, like coffee or tea, and which ever one you prefer you choose. You can also explain why. When you have done that you do two new words or phrases for the next commenter to choose from. Feel free to come back as often as you like. Just have fun. If someone derails the game will one of you put it back on track? Thanks.

First comment: Real Christmas tree or fake Christmas tree?

Retirement Years

At a dinner party thrown in former Canadian Prime Minister Jean Chretien's honor, a man turned to Madame Chretien and said, "Your husband has been such a busy public figure for so long, retirement must seem very quiet in comparison. Madame Chretien, what have you most looked forward to in these retirement years?"

"A penis", she replied.

A hush fell over the table. Everyone heard her, but no one knew what to say.

Mr. Chretien gently leaned over to his wife and whispered, "Aline ... in Hinglish, dey pronounce it ... 'appiness."

Hat tip: Frank of Foxxfyrre's Honk'n'Holl'r

Wednesdays Question #28

It's Wednesday so that means it's question time. There isn't a right or wrong answer to this question as everyone has different opinions on any given issue.

So here's this weeks question:

If you knew that whatever you ate next would be your last meal, what would you want it to be?

Politicals Ads

A farmer finally decided to buy a TV. The store assured him that they would install the antenna and TV the next day. The next evening the farmer turned on his new TV and found only democrat political ads on every channel.

The next morning he turned the TV on and found only democrat political ads again.
When he came in to eat lunch he tried the TV again but STILL only found democrat political ads. The next day when he still found only democrat political ads he called the store to complain.

The owner said that it was impossible for every channel to only have democrat political ads, but agreed to send their repairman to check the TV. When the TV repairman turned on the TV he found that the farmer was right!

After looking at the TV for a while, he went outside to check the antenna. In a few minutes he returned and told the farmer he had found the problem. The antenna had been installed on top of the windmill and the ground rod was in the manure pile.

Stolen from: Phil of Phils Phun

The Confessional

A guy goes into the confessional box. He finds on one wall a fully equipped bar with Guinness on tap. On the other wall is a dazzling array of the finest Cuban cigars. Then the priest comes in.

"Father, forgive me, for it's been a long time since I've been to confession, but I must first say that the confessional box is much more inviting these days."

The priest replies, "Get out! You're on my side!!!"

Stolen from: Phil of Phils Phun

Silly Sunday #11

Rhonda of Laugh Quotes has started a meme called Silly Sunday. Go HERE for the simple rules.

A priest and a rabbi are walking down the street together, and they both want a drink, but they have no money on them. The priest says, "I've got an idea how to get us some free drinks." He walks in alone and the rabbi stands at the door and watches. The priest orders a drink, drinks it, and then the bartender gives him his tab. The priest says, "But my son, I've already paid for the drink."

The bartender says, "I'm terribly sorry, father, but it's really busy in here and I must have forgotten."

The rabbi walks in and orders a drink. After he drinks it, the bartender gives him the tab, and the rabbi says, "Son, I paid you when I ordered the drink."

The bartender says, "I'm terribly sorry, rabbi, I don't know what's wrong with me, but that's the second time that happened to me today."

The rabbi says, "That's okay, son, no offense taken. Now, just give me change for the twenty I gave you, and I'll be on my way."
Silly Sunday Participants

1. Barb 2. Joyce Lansky 3. Marg 4. Bearman 5. Ann 6. Rajagopalan

7. Angel 8. Empress Bee 9. Ivanhoe 10. Stephen Hayes 11. RennyBA 12. MC/Curtis

13. Da Dude 14. Lauren 15. Tony McGurk 16. Stevebethere 16. Binky

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A Scare

Have you ever lost your blog? You didn't delete it but it just disappeared. That's what happened to me Wednesday morning. First I got an email from my pal Barb at iPhoneographi asking me if I'd sent a particular email. I told her that I hadn't sent that email and she responded by telling me that my email account had been hacked. Sure enough it had.

Hubby got into our email account and changed the password on my blog email. Then I went into Google Reader and reset my password then I could change my password. When I got finished my Google account was back on line which meant my blog was back online. It was frightening to see that your blog was no longer on your dashboard. I'd already backed up my blog in several places, but still it's disheartening to lose your blog. I hate email hackers/spammers. They are getting a one way ticket to Hades.

I also have several other blogs under my control that belong to Mike Golch. I've also backed up these blogs so don't worry Mike. They didn't mess with your email, just my email.

Grandpa's Cellar

This is why I didn't show up for work yesterday. I was cleaning out my wife's grandpa's cellar and found 12 bottles of his home-bottled grape wine under the steps. My wife told me to empty the contents of each and every bottle down the sink, or else. I agreed to do the unpleasant task.

I withdrew the cork form the first bottle and poured the contents down the sink, with the exception of one glass, which I drank. I extracted the cork from the second bottle, did likewise, and drank one glass, just to check the taste to see if the old fellow knew his wine making. He did.

I then opened the third bottle, and poured it, too, down the sink, but not until drinking one full glass to check the purity. It was very good. I did this, also with the fourth bottle. One glass for myself, and the rest down the sink. I pulled the bottle from the cork of the next, and drank one sink out of it and threw the rest down the glass. I pulled the sink out of the next glass and poured the cork from the bottle, then corked the sink with the glass, bottled the drink and drank the pour.

When I had everything emptied, I steadied the house with one hand, counted the bottles, corks, glasses and sinks with the other, which were 29, and as the house came by I counted them again, and finally had all the houses in one bottle, which I drank. I felt so foolish that I couldn't go upstairs and congratulate my wife to tell her what a great winemaker her grandpa was. I will do that after climbing the basement steps the next time they come by.

♪♪Happy Birthday to you,♪♪
♪♪Happy Birthday to you,♪♪
♪♪Happy Birthday Dear Empress Bee,♪♪
♪♪Happy Birthday to you.♪♪

Usual Tip

A college pizza delivery boy arrived at the house of Mr.Smith. He delivered the pizza to his trailer. After giving it to him, Mr. Smith asked: "What is the usual tip?"

"Well," replied the youth, "this is my first trip here, but the other guys say if I get a quarter out of you, I'll be doing great."

"Is that so?" snorted Mr. Smith. "Well, just to show them how wrong they are, here's five dollars."

"Thanks," replied the youth, "I'll put this in my school fund."

"What are you studying in school?" asked Larry.

The lad smiled and said: "Applied psychology."

Wednesdays Question #27

It's Wednesday so that means it's question time. There isn't a right or wrong answer to this question as everyone has different opinions on any given issue.

So here's this weeks question:

What is your favorite cold weather beverage?

Messed Up!

The following is an ad from a real-life newspaper which appeared four days in a row - the last three hopelessly trying to correct the first day's mistake.

MONDAY: "For sale: R. D. Jones has one sewing machine for sale. Phone 948-0707 after 7 P. M. and ask for Mrs. Kelly who lives with him cheap."

TUESDAY Notice: We regret having erred In R. D. Jones' ad yesterday. It should have read "One sewing machine for sale cheap. Phone 948-0707 and ask for Mrs. Kelly, who lives with him after 7 P. M."

WEDNESDAY Notice: R. D. Jones has informed us that he has received several annoying telephone calls because of the error we made in the classified ad yesterday. The ad stands corrected as follows: "For sale R. D. Jones has one sewing machine for sale. Cheap. Phone 948-0707 after 7 P. M. and ask for Mrs. Kelly who loves with him."

THURSDAY Notice: I, R. D. Jones, have no sewing machine for sale. I smashed it. Don't call 948-0707 as I have had the phone disconnected. I have not been carrying on with Mrs. Kelly. Until yesterday she was my housekeeper but she quit!