Kids
Only in Texas
Texas Beer Joint Sues Church in MT. Vernon, Texas.
Drummond's Bar began construction on an expansion of their building to increase their business.In response, the local Baptist Church started a campaign to block the bar from expanding with petitions and prayers. Work progressed right up until the week before the grand reopening when lightning struck the bar and it burned to the ground!
After the bar burning to the ground by the lightning strike, the church folks were rather smug in their outlook, bragging about "the power of prayer", until the bar owner sued the church on the grounds that the church... "was ultimately responsible for the demise of his building, either through direct or indirect actions or means."
In its reply to the court, the church vehemently denied all responsibility or any connection to the building's demise.
The judge read through the plaintiff's complaint and the defendant's reply, and at the opening hearing he commented, "I don't know how I'm going to decide this, but it appears from the paperwork that we have a bar owner who believes in the power of prayer, and an entire church congregation that now does not."
Hat tip: Nick M. Story at Snopes.com
Firearms Question
I have dear friends on both sides of the handgun issue, those who believe easy access to hand guns is not good for this country and those who believe government has no business dictating ownership one way or the other. I have gained valuable understanding from both arguments. I have made my final decision.
Certain Americans, especially those who are more likely to become victims of crime, need to own and become proficient with handguns!
I can't discuss it further right now. Gotta get back to the firing range... It's my turn to pick up the brass behind the shooting stations.
Hat tip: Nick M.
Certain Americans, especially those who are more likely to become victims of crime, need to own and become proficient with handguns!
I can't discuss it further right now. Gotta get back to the firing range... It's my turn to pick up the brass behind the shooting stations. Hat tip: Nick M.
The Ole' Biker
A crusty ole’ biker, out on a long summer ride in the country, pulls up to a tavern in the middle of nowhere, parks his bike and walks inside.As he passes through the swinging doors he sees a sign hanging over the bar:
COLD BEER: $2.00
HAMBURGER: $2.25
CHEESEBURGER: $2.50
CHICKEN SANDWICH: $3.50
HAND JOB: $50.00
With a smile on his face, he checks his wallet to be sure he has the necessary payment. Then he walks up to the bar and beckons to the extraordinarily beautiful female bartender, who is serving drinks to a couple of sun-wrinkled farmers.
She glides down the bar to the old biker, bends over showing her exceptional breast and says, “Yes? May I help you?”
The ole’ biker leans over the bar and whispers, “I was wondering, miss, are you the one who gives the hand-jobs?”
She looks into his eyes with a sly, knowing smile and purrs, “Why yes, yes, I sure am.”
The ole’ biker leans even closer and whispers softly into her left ear, “Well, then, wash your hands real good cause I want a cheeseburger.”
Hat tip: Coffeepot of Coffepot
Misfortune?
Two philosophers were sitting at a restaurant, discussing whether or not there was a difference between misfortune and disaster."There is most certainly a difference," said one. "If the cook suddenly died and we couldn't have our dinner that would be a misfortune -- but certainly not a disaster."
"On the other hand," said the other, "If a cruise ship carrying Congress was to sink in the middle of the ocean, that would be a disaster -- but by no stretch of the imagination would it be a misfortune."
Hat tip: Phil of Phils Phun
Wednesdays Question #4
It's Wednesday so that means it's question time. There isn't a right or wrong answer to this question as everyone has different opinions on any given issue.So here's the question. I would love to know how you feel.
What are you most grateful for?
Here's Your Sign
My husband and I had just arrived at the auto dealership to pick up our new car. We were told the dealership had locked the keys inside and there was a mechanic working on the problem.We proceeded out the back door to our new car where sure enough there was a mechanic working feverishly to open the drivers side door. As I stood across the car from him I instinctively tried the passenger door handle and discovered it was unlocked.
I announced to the tech "it's open" to which he replied, "I know I already got that side."
Awww...Mondays #79
From: Fanpop
| 1. Mike Golch 2. Emm 3. Barb 4. Traveling Bells 5. Empress Bee | 6. Rajagopalan 7. Marg 8. Da Dude 9. Lauren 10. Comedy Plus | 11. Clueless 12. Ann 13. bethere2day 14. William K Wallace |
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L, D or P?
Three friends decided to go hunting together, a lawyer a doctor and a preacher. As they were hunting all three friends saw a big buck in the clearing and fired their guns simultaneously. Upon reaching the dead animal they found only one bullet hole in the creature.For five minutes the argued who had made the kill when they decided to get the game warden to settle the matter. The warden listened to the situation then carefully examined the animal. "That's easy, the preacher shot the buck."
They all wanted to know how the game warden knew. He said, "Well the bullet went in one ear and out the other".
Photograph: Wikipedia
The Comment Game
It's time to play the comment game again. We are on the boat, but most of you already know that.Here's how it goes: I'll start the game off at the bottom of this post by choosing two words or phrases, like coffee or tea, and which ever one you prefer you choose. You can also explain why. When you have done that you do two new words or phrases for the next commenter to choose from. Feel free to come back as often as you like. Just have fun. If someone derails the game will one of you put it back on track? Thanks. Let's see if we can do this weeks comment game on food only. Any kind of food or drink.
First comment:Scrambled eggs or over easy?
Awww...Mondays
In January 2009 Kimmie of Pretty Amazing Grace started a new meme called Awww...Mondays. I jumped on board along with Mike Golch of Golch Central's Rambling Stuff and a few others. Kimmie played for a short while and set up an account with Mr. Linky so we could have the links widget for those playing the meme. After a bit Kimmie quit participating and then at some point she deleted her blog. I asked Mr. Linky if I could take over the meme since I've been playing it for several years, and that the original person that owned the meme doesn't even have a blog anymore. After he did his investigation he gave me access to the meme. So I am now the owner of the meme Awww...Mondays. Here are the simple rules:
- Find a photograph that makes you say Awww. It doesn't matter if you took the photograph, it was sent to you in an email, or you found it while surfing the web.
- You can do anything that makes you say Awww. Music, joke or anything that starts your week off with a smile.
- Post your Awww...Mondays post on Monday each week.
- If you want to add the Mr. Linky widget create an account HERE.
- Once you've created an account you can subscribe to this meme HERE.
- You can get the code for Mr. Linky at no cost to you, simply click on Get The Code at the bottom of my Mr. Linky widget on each weeks post. Just follow the instructions and you'll get a Mr. Linky widget you can put on your Awww...Mondays post.
I promise that I will visit and comment on everyone's Awww...Mondays post. I know some of you don't do memes and that's just fine with me. I've always enjoyed doing a post that makes me smile every Monday morning.
Kids and Dogs
The photographer did a great job of matching up the kids and dogs. This is adorable!! 
A friend is someone we turn to when our spirits need a lift. 
A friend is someone we treasure for our friendship is a gift. 
A friend is someone who fills our lives with beauty, joy, and grace. 
And makes the world we live in a better and happier place. 
There is a miracle called friendship, that dwells in the heart. You do not know how it happens or when it gets it's start. 
But you know the special lift it always brings. You realize that friendship is the world's most precious gift! 
Let old friends know you haven't forgotten them, and tell new friends you never will.
Hat tip: Dr. Vern B.
A friend is someone we turn to when our spirits need a lift. 
A friend is someone we treasure for our friendship is a gift. 
A friend is someone who fills our lives with beauty, joy, and grace. 
And makes the world we live in a better and happier place. 
There is a miracle called friendship, that dwells in the heart. You do not know how it happens or when it gets it's start. 
But you know the special lift it always brings. You realize that friendship is the world's most precious gift! 
Let old friends know you haven't forgotten them, and tell new friends you never will. Hat tip: Dr. Vern B.
Wednesdays Question #3
It's Wednesday so that means it's question time. There isn't a right or wrong answer to this question as everyone has different opinions on any given issue.So here's the question. I would love to know how you feel.
What are you most proud of?
Meeting Lisa Ceaser
Several months ago Lisa Ceaser from Lisa Ceaser Photography and Live and Learn let me know that she was coming to San Francisco for training and if I wanted to meet while she was here. Well that was a definite yes on my part. I'm not sure how many years I've been following Lisa but it's been quite some time. To say her photography is amazing is putting it mildly. I've always enjoyed all her spectacular photography posts, but as great as those are I've always enjoyed following her life.I can remember when her and Mark were dating. I remember their engagement and finally their wedding. There was a very heartbreaking time when they lost their first baby, and then finally the arrival of sweet Megan. All Lisa's family and friends are watching Megan grow like a weed. So wanting to meet was absolutely going to happen.
On Wednesday, June 11th Zane and I headed toward San Francisco to meet and have dinner with Lisa. We were wandering around the Palace Hotel looking for Lisa when she suddenly appeared and we both recognized each other immediately and at the same time. It was then a hug fest and a photo session that hubby gladly handled.
Awww...Mondays #78
from: Fanpop
| 1. stevebethere 2. Lainy 3. Karen and Gerard 4. Brenda Marie 5. Barb | 6. Marg 7. Empress Bee 8. Lois Grebowski 9. Mike Golch 10. Ann | 11. George 12. Don E. Chute 13. Art of RetroCollage 14. William K Wallace |
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Elijah
The Sunday school teacher was carefully explaining the story of Elijah the Prophet and the false prophets of Baal. She explained how Elijah built the altar, put wood upon it, cut the steer in pieces and laid it upon the altar.And then Elijah commanded the people of God to fill four barrels of water and pour it over the altar. He had them do this four times.
"Now, said the teacher, "can anyone in the class tell me why the Lord would have Elijah pour water over the steer on the altar?"
A little girl in the back of the room raised her hand with great enthusiasm. "To make the gravy."
Photograph: Wikipedia
Hormone Hostage
The Hormone Hostage knows that there are days in the month when all a man has to do is open his mouth and he takes his very life into his own hands!This is a handy guide that should be as common as a driver’s license in the wallet of every husband, boyfriend, or significant other!
DANGEROUS: What’s for dinner?
SAFER: Can I help you with dinner?
SAFEST: Where would you like to go for dinner?
ULTRASAFE: Here, have some chocolate.
DANGEROUS: Are you wearing that?
SAFER: Gee, you look good in brown.
SAFEST: WOW! Look at you!
ULTRASAFE: Here, have some chocolate.
DANGEROUS: What are you so worked up about?
SAFER: What did I do wrong?
SAFEST: Here’s fifty dollars.
ULTRASAFE: Here, have some chocolate.
DANGEROUS: Should you be eating that?
SAFER: You know, there are a lot of apples left.
SAFEST: Can I get you a glass of wine with that?
ULTRASAFE: Here, have some chocolate..
DANGEROUS: What did you do all day?
SAFER: I hope you didn’t overdo it today.
SAFEST: I’ve always loved you in that robe!
ULTRASAFE: Here, have some more chocolate…
Lulu
A little girl asks her mum, 'Mum, can I take the dog for a walk around the block?'Her mum replies 'No, because she is in heat.'
'What does that mean?' asked the child.
'Go and ask your father. I think he's in the garage.'
The little girl goes out to the garage and says, 'Dad, can I take Lulu for a walk around the block? I asked Mum, but she said the dog was in heat, and to come ask you.'
He took a rag, soaked it in petrol, and scrubbed the dog's backside with it to disguise the scent and said, 'Ok, you can go now, but keep Lulu on the leash and only go one time around the block.'
The little girl left and returned a few minutes later with no dog on the leash.
Surprised, Dad asked, 'Where's Lulu?'
The little girl said, 'She ran out of petrol about halfway round the block, so another dog is pushing her home.'
Hat tip: Babs of Beetle's Memories 'n' Ramblings
Photograph: Wikipedia
The Flower Show
Just in case you need a laugh today. Age does have some advantages not available to youth.Two little old ladies were sitting on a park bench outside the local town hall where a flower show was in progress.
The older one leaned over and said, "Life is so boring. We never have any fun anymore. For $10.00 I'd take my clothes off and streak through that stupid, boring flower show!"
"You're on!" said the other old lady, holding up a $10.00 bill.
The first little old lady slowly fumbled her way out of her clothes and completely naked, streaked (as fast as an old lady can) through the front door of the flower show.
Waiting outside, her friend soon heard a huge commotion inside the hall, followed by loud applause and shrill whistling.
Finally, the smiling and naked old lady came through the exit door surrounded by a cheering, clapping crowd.
"What happened?" asked her waiting friend.
"I won $1000 as 1st prize for Best Dried Arrangement."
Hat tip: Georgia L.
Photograph: Wikipedia - Haeckel Orchidae
Grumpy Old Woman
There is a huge house in our street. The extended family is run by a grumpy old woman with a pack of irritable dogs allowed to run without leashes.Her car isn’t taxed or insured and doesn’t even have a number plate, but the police still do nothing.
To the best of my knowledge, she has never worked in her life. Her bad-tempered old man is notorious for his racist comments.
A shopkeeper blamed them for arranging the murder of his son and his son’s girl-friend, but nothing has ever been proved.
All their kids have broken marriages except the youngest, who everyone thought was gay.
Two grandsons are meant to be in the Army but are always out partying in nightclubs. It is not known if they have the same father. They are both out of control.
God, I hate living near Buckingham Palace! I had to refuse the wedding invite!
Hat tip: Phil of Phils Phun
Wednesdays Question #2
It's Wednesday so that means it's question time. There isn't a right or wrong answer to this question as everyone has different opinions on any given issue.So here's the question. I would love to know how you feel.
What makes you smile?
Bob and Eileen
Eileen and her husband Bob went for counseling after 25 years of marriage.When asked what the problem was, Eileen went into a passionate, painful tirade listing every problem they had ever had in the 25 years they had been married.
She went on and on and on: neglect, lack of intimacy, emptiness, loneliness, feeling unloved and unlovable, an entire laundry list of unmet needs she had endured over the course of their marriage.
Finally, after allowing this to go on for a sufficient length of time, the therapist got up, walked around the desk and after asking Eileen to stand, embraced her, unbuttoned her blouse and bra, put his hands on her breasts and massaged them thoroughly, while kissing her passionately as her husband Bob watched with a raised eyebrow.
After a few minutes the therapist stepped away, Eileen buttoned up her blouse, and quietly sat down while basking in the glow of being highly aroused.
The therapist turned to Bob and said, 'This is what your wife needs at least three times a week. Can you do this?'
Bob thought for a moment and replied, 'Well, I can drop her off here on Mondays and Wednesdays, but on Fridays, I play golf.
Hat tip: Gracie of Echoes of Grace
Awww...Mondays #77
Free Wallpaper from GFX Wallpapers
| 1. Babs-beetle 2. Sandy 3. Pam 4. Colleen 5. Rajagopalan 6. Mike Golch 7. Marge | 8. Don E. Chute 9. Barb 10. Tony McGurk 11. Ann 12. K 13. Acadia 14. Katherine | 15. Empress Bee 16. Sarge Charlie 17. Binky 18. Lainy 19. stevebethere |
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Billy Bob
Billy Bob and Luther were talking one afternoon when Billy Bob tells Luther, "Ya know, I reckon I'm 'bout ready for a vacation. Only this year I'm gonna do it a little different. The last few years, I took your advice about where to go.Three years ago you said to go to Hawaii. I went to Hawaii and Earline got pregnant.
Then two years ago, you told me to go to the Bahamas, and Earline got pregnant again.
Last year you suggested Tahiti and darned if Earline didn't get pregnant again."
Luther asks Billy Bob, "So, what you gonna do this year that's different?"
Billy Bob says, "This year I'm taking Earline with me."
A Marriage Made in...
Jill and John got married. John thought this would be a "marriage of the 90's" -- equal roles for equal partners. So, the first morning back from their honeymoon, he brought Jill breakfast in bed.Jill wasn't impressed with his culinary skills, however. She looked disdainfully at the tray, and snorted, "Poached? I wanted scrambled!"
Undaunted, the next morning, John brought his true love a scrambled egg. Jill wasn't having any of it. "Do you think I don't like variety? I wanted poached this morning!"
Determined to please Jill, the next morning he thought, "third time's a charm" and brought her two eggs -- one scrambled and one poached. "Here, my love, enjoy!"
Jill looks at the plate and says, "You scrambled the wrong egg."
How Many?
A little boy was attending his first wedding.After the service, his cousin asked him, "How many women can a man marry?"
"Sixteen," the boy responded.
His cousin was amazed that he had an answer so quickly. "How do you know that?"
"Easy," the little boy said. "All you have to do is add it up, like the Bishop said: 4 better, 4 worse, 4 richer, and 4 poorer."
A Teenager Is...
A person who can't remember to walk the dog but never forgets a phone number.A weight watcher who goes on a diet by giving up candy bars before breakfast.
A youngster who receives her allowance on Monday, spends it on Tuesday, and borrows it from her best friend on Wednesday.
Someone who can hear his favorite singer 3 blocks away but not his mother calling from the next room.
A whiz who can operate the latest computer without a lesson but can't make a bed.
A student who spends 12 minutes studying history and 12 hours studying for her driver's license.
A connoisseur of 2 kinds of fine music-loud and very loud.
An enthusiast who has the energy to bike for miles but is usually too tired to dry the dishes.
A young woman who loves the cat and tolerates the brother.
A romantic who never falls in love more than once a week.
A budding beauty who never smiles until her braces come off.
A boy who can sleep till noon on any Saturday he suspects the lawn needs mowing.
An original thinker who is positive that her mother was never a teenager.
Wednesdays Question #I
I thought it would be good to ask another question since the last one I asked got a lot of responses. There isn't a right or wrong answer to this question as everyone has different opinions on any given issue.So here's the question. I would love to know how you feel.
What is the one thing you’d most like to change about the world?
Flawlessly Logical
The wife and I were sitting around the breakfast table one Sunday morning. I said to her, "If I were to die suddenly, I want you to immediately sell all my stuff.""Now why would you want me to do something like that?" she asked.
"I figure that you would eventually remarry and I don't want some other asshole using my stuff."
She looked at me and said, "What makes you think I'd marry another asshole?"
Hat tip: Phil of Phils Phun
Awww...Mondays #76
from Animal Wallpapers
| 1. stevebethere 2. Barb 3. Lois Grebowski 4. DrillerAA09 5. Sandy 6. Don E. Chute | 7. Empress Bee 8. Marg 9. Anny 10. Mike Golch 11. Colleen 12. Zach | 13. Ann 14. Angel 15. Binky 16. Con Artist Trickster |
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The Dalmatian
A Sunday School helper was delivering a station wagon full of kids home one day when a fire truck zoomed past. Sitting in the front seat of the fire truck was a Dalmatian dog. The children began discussing the dog's duties."They use him to keep crowds back," said one youngster.
"No," said another, "he's just for good luck."
A third child brought the argument to a close. "They use the dogs," she said firmly, "to find the fire hydrant."
Photograph: Wikipedia
