Carnival - Day II

Nassau, Bahamas - What makes Nassau so special? Picture an idyllic place with stretches of perfect white-sand beaches, gracefully swaying coconut palms offering oases of shade, and warm, crystal-clear waters revealing the secrets of incredible multi-colored marine life. Whether you spend the day shopping for duty-free gifts and mementos, taking a carriage ride past sorbet-colored buildings, or touring in a glass-bottom boat, chances are you'll leave this happy place in the Bahamas with lots of beautiful memories.

Nassau is the capital, largest city, and commercial centre of the Commonwealth of The Bahamas. The city has a population of 260,000 (2008 census), nearly 80 percent of the entire population of The Bahamas (330,000). Lynden Pindling International Airport, the major airport for The Bahamas, is located about 16 kilometres (9.9 mi) west of Nassau city centre, and has daily flights to major cities in the United Kingdom, United States, Canada and the Caribbean. The city is located on the island of New Providence, which functions much like a federal district. While there is no local government, it is governed directly as an administrative division of the national government. Nassau is considered a historical stronghold of pirates. Source: Wikipedia

Carnival - Day I

We'll wake up this morning in Miami Florida. Sun and fun. Do you see the cruise ships? We're going to be on the Carnival Glory early this afternoon. We will be having lunch on the Lido deck with our blogging buddies. Empress Bee is the queen of the cruise. Well, she called it first as she always does. I'm Princess-Because-I-Said-So. We have a couple of Duchesses too. I'll have a tiara which you will all get to see me wear when I return home. You'll just have to wait.
Let the cruise begin. We sail at 4:00 PM this afternoon. Life is really grand.

Crossing the U.S.A.

We start out the morning around 3:00am so we can get to Sacramento International Airport, get our vehicle parked and check in. Our flight leaves at 6:15am so we can't fool around. Then we can do some breakfast and coffee and then get mauled by the TSA. I think I'll just do the body scan as I don't want some stranger feeling me up. Just saying.

Our first stop is Huston, Texas and we'll have a layover there before we do the last leg into Miami, Florida. We should arrive around 5:30 in the afternoon and then we can get our baggage and head for the hotel. It will be good to get settled and have some dinner and a cocktail or two. We can finally relax. Apparently the hotel we are staying in has a bunch of other bloggers too. Remember this is Carnivals Bloggers Cruise. It's early to bed tonight as we have a big day tomorrow. We will leave the hotel at 11:00am to head to the Port of Miami and the Carnival Glory. Tomorrow we meet all the bloggers that I've been wanting to meet for a very, very long time.

Miami Here We Come

This begins our much awaited Eastern Caribbean cruise on Carnival Glory. We will spend the night in Sacramento (near the airport) and have dinner with friends.

Tomorrow morning we are off to the Sacramento International Airport on our way to Miami. We have to change planes in Dallas/Forth Worth International Airport, and then on to Miami International Airport. To say we are excited about this trip is an understatement.

I can remember many times I've gone along with Sarge Charlie and Empress Bee on their many cruises. I'm actually going to physically go along this time instead of reading their posts. Meeting them along with Sandy and Dick, and Barb, and Linda is going to be tits as Empress Bee would say. I also know I'll make new friends too, since this is a blogger cruise.

Miami, FL - Miami is an international mecca with a colorful skyline and trend-setting culture. Claiming its place as a truly international city, you can feel Miami vibrate with the energies of different cultures coming together to revel in the beautiful ocean scenery and near-perfect tropical weather. Whether you're taking in the sights at a South Beach café, browsing the open-air shops of Bayside Marketplace or enjoying "un cortadito" in Little Havana, Miami is a melting pot for virtually anyone. (Our hotel is across the street from Bayside Marketplace).

So come along and enjoy all the sights and sounds. We plan on taking lots of pictures and you can see those when we return home.

Spammers Beware

Just so you know my blog will be monitored while we are on vacation. Lois of Lowdown from Lois will be busting then deleting all spammers while we are gone. So spammers beware. Lois is on duty and she hates spammers worse that I do. Don't say I didn't warn you. Go Lois! Hugs

Vacation

Tomorrow we start our Carnival Cruise vacation and that means today is a very busy day. We have to make sure that everything is packed and ready to go for our departure tomorrow afternoon. Our granddaughter will be house/dog sitting while we are away so we are going shopping this afternoon to stock up on the food they like. We are leaving and they are moving in for the next 11 days. Our Little Bit won't like it that we are gone, but if we leave her in a kennel she won't eat. As long as she's home she does okay. She will cry when we return. Tears of joy crying. She is such a precious dear.

If you don't see much of me today you'll know why. I'm so excited about this trip because we started planning it over 8 months ago. I was beginning to wonder if we would ever make it to February 25. Well tomorrow begins our great adventure, and a cruise, but most importantly I'm meeting bloggers that I love. Sarge Charlie and Empress Bee, Dick and Sandy, and Barb and Linda (we met Linda several years ago). For me this is the very best thing of the entire trip.

I've set up post for each day that we're gone that will let you travel along with us. We are not bringing any electronics (except our digital camera) so you'll have to wait for us to return to process pictures and then I'll get some posts up with details. Perhaps I can help Empress Bee stalk someone. One never knows what mischief you can get into on a cruise. I know that I won't be blogging until our return. Let the vacation begin.

She Said...She Meant

A mans guide to what a woman is really saying:

I just need some space..... without you in it.

Do I look fat in this dress?... we haven't had a fight in a while.

No, Pizza is fine..... you cheap slob!

I just don't want a boyfriend right now.... I just don't want you as a boyfriend now.

I don't know, what do you want to do?... I can't believe you have nothing planned.

Come here... my puppy does this, too.

I like you, but... I don't like you.

You never listen... You never listen.

I'll be ready in a minute... I'm ready, but I'm going to make you wait because I know you will.

Oh no, I'll pay for myself... I'm just being nice; there's no way I'm going dutch.

Oh yes! Right there!... well, near there; I just want to get this over with.

I'm just going out with the girls... we're gonna make fun of you and your friends.

Chucky

An old farmer went to town to see a movie. The ticket agent asked, "Sir, what's that on your shoulder?"

The old farmer said, "That's my pet rooster Chucky, wherever I go, Chucky goes."

"I'm sorry sir," said the ticket agent, "We don't allow animals in the theater."

The old farmer went around the corner and stuffed the bird down his pants. He returned to the booth, bought a ticket and entered the theater. He sat down next to two old widows named Mildred and Marge. The movie started and the rooster began to squirm.

The old farmer unzipped his pants so Chucky could stick his head out and watch the movie.

"Marge," whispered Mildred.

"What," said Marge.

"I think this guy next to me is a pervert," said Mildred.

"What makes you think that," asked Marge.

"He unzipped his pants and he has his thing out," whispered Mildred.

"Well, don't worry about it," said Marge, "At our age we've seen them all."

"I thought so," said Mildred, "But this one is eating my popcorn."

Mommy, I'm Sick

A little nine year old girl was in church with her mother when she started feeling ill. "Mommy," she said. "Can we leave now?"

"No," her mother replied.

"Well, I think I have to throw up!"

"Then go out the front door and to the back of the church and throw up behind a bush." In about two minutes the little girl returned to her seat.

"Did you throw up?" her mother asked.

"Yes," the little girl replied.

"Well, how could you have gone all the way to the back of the church and return so quickly?"

"I didn't have to go out of the church, Mommy." the little girl replied. "They have a box next to the front door that says, 'For the sick'."

The Broadway Show

A man took his wife to a Broadway show. During the first intermission he had to attend to natures call in the worst way, so he hurried to find the bathrooms. He searched in vain for the bathrooms, but he finally found a beautiful fountain with foliage, and since nobody was watching, he decided to take a relieve himself right there.

When he finally got back into the auditorium, the second act had already begun. He searched in the dark until he found his wife. "Did I miss much of the second act?" he asked.

"Miss it?" she said, "You were in it!"

Rules

Rules Guys wished Girls knew...

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.

2. Learn to work the toilet seat: if it's up, put it down.

3. Don't cut your hair. Ever.

4. Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not quests to see if he can find the perfect present!

5. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.

6. Sometimes, he's not thinking about you. Live with it.

7. Don't ask him what he's thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as navel lint, the shotgun formation,and monster trucks.

8. Get rid of your cat. And no, it's not different, it's just like ever other cat.

9. Dogs are better than ANY cats. Period.

10. Sunday = Sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

11. Shopping is not a sport.

12. Anything you wear is fine. Really.

13. You have enough clothes.

14. You have too many shoes.

15. Crying is blackmail. Use it if you must, but don't expect us to like it.

Favorite Flower

While attending a marriage seminar on communication, Jim and his wife listened to the instructor declare: "It is essential that husbands and wives know the things that are important to each other.

"He addressed the men: "For instance, gentlemen, can you name your wife's favorite flower?"

Jim leaned over, touched his wife's arm gently and whispered, "Pillsbury All-Purpose, isn't it?"

The rest of the story is not pleasant.

New Words

The local newspaper recently asked readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition. Here are this year's winners:

1. Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding a stupid person that stops bright
   ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign
   of breaking down in the near future.


2. Foreploy (v): Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of
   getting laid.


3. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject
   financially impotent for an indefinite period.


4. Giraffiti (n): Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.


5. Sarchasm (n): The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person
   who doesn't get it.


6. Inoculatte (v): To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.


7. Hipatitis (n): Terminal coolness.


8. Osteopornosis (n): A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)


9. Karmageddon (n): its like, when everybody is sending off all these really
   bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a
   serious bummer.


10. Decafalon (n.): The grueling event of getting through the day consuming
    only things that are good for you.


11. Glibido (v): All talk and no action.


12. Dopeler effect (n): The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they
    come at you rapidly.


13. Arachnoleptic fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you've
    accidentally walked through a spider web.


14. Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito that gets into your
    bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.


15. Caterpallor (n.): The color you turn after finding half a grub in the
    fruit you're eating. And the pick of the literature: is both stupid and an
    asshole.

1955

A crusty old Army Sergeant Major found himself at a gala event hosted by a local liberal arts college. There was no shortage of extremely young idealistic liberal ladies in attendance, one of whom approached the Sergeant Major for conversation.

"Excuse me, Sergeant Major, but you seem to be a very serious man. Is something bothering you?"

"Negative, ma'am. Just serious by nature."

The young lady looked at his awards and decorations and said, "It looks like you have seen a lot of action."

"Yes, ma'am, a lot of action."

The young lady, tiring of trying to start up a conversation, said, "You know, you should lighten up a little. Relax and enjoy yourself."

The Sergeant Major just stared at her in his serious manner.

Finally the young lady said, "You know, I hope you don't take this the wrong way, but when was the last time you had sex?"

"1955, ma'am."

"Well, there you are. No wonder you're so serious. You really need to chill out and relax! I mean, no sex since 1955! Come with me." She took his hand and led him to a private room where she proceeded to "relax" him several times.

Afterwards, panting for breath, she leaned against his grizzled bare chest and said, "Wow, you sure didn't forget much since 1955."

The Sergeant Major said in his serious voice, after glancing at his watch, "I hope not; it's only 2130 now."

Gotta love military time…

Hat tip: Jeanine H.

Nancy and Harry

Nancy Pelosi called Harry Reid into her office one day and said, "Harry, I have a plan to win back Middle America in 2012!"

"Great Nancy , but how?" asked Harry.

"We’ll get some cheesy clothes and shoes, like most Middle Americans wear, then stop at the pound and pick up a Labrador Retriever. Then, we’ll go to a nice old country bar in Montana and show them how much admiration and respect we have for the hard working people living there."

So they did, and found just the place they were looking for in Bozeman, Montana. With the dog in tow, they walked inside and stepped up to the bar.

The bartender took a step back and said, "Hey! Aren’t you Harry Reid and Nancy Pelosi?"

"Yes we are!" said Nancy, "and what a lovely town you have here. We were passing through and Harry suggested we stop and take in some local color." They ordered a round of bourbon for the whole bar, and started chatting up a storm with anyone who would listen.

A few minutes later, a grizzled old farmer came in, walked up to the Labrador, lifted up its tail, looked underneath, shrugged his shoulders and walked out.

A few moments later, in came another old farmer. He walked up to the dog, lifted up its tail, looked underneath, scratched his head and left the bar.

For the next hour, another dozen farmers came in, lifted the dog’s tail, and left shaking their head.

Finally, Nancy asked, "Why did all those old farmers come in and look under the dog’s tail? Is it some sort of custom?"

"Lord no," said the bartender. "Someone’s out there running around town, claiming there’s a Labrador Retriever in here with two assholes!"

Hat tip: Nick M.

My Name

What Sandee Clark Means:

S is for Spontaneous

A is for Athletic

N is for Natural

D is for Devious

E is for Energetic

E is for Elegant

C is for Conservative

L is for Lively

A is for Altruistic

R is for Revolutionary

K is for Kind

What Does Your Name Mean?

Click the above link and take the quiz to find out!
Share your results in the comments.
Happy Valentine's Day!

Words of Wisdom

If you can’t be kind, at least have the decency to be vague.

If you lend someone $20, and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.

It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.

Never buy a car you can’t push.

Never put both feet in your mouth at the same time, because then you don’t have a leg to stand on.

Nobody cares if you can’t dance well. Just get up and dance.

The early worm gets eaten by the bird, so sleep late.

The second mouse gets the cheese.

When everything’s coming your way, you’re in the wrong lane.

Birthdays are good for you, the more you have, the longer you live.

You may be only one person in the world, but you may also be the world to one person.

Some mistakes are too much fun to only make once.

Don’t cry because it’s over, smile because it happened.

We could learn a lot from crayons, some are sharp, some are pretty, some are dull, some have weird names, and all are different colors but they all have to learn to live in the same box.

A truly happy person is one who can enjoy the scenery on a detour.

Happiness comes through doors you didn’t even know you left open.

Laws - Part IV

The Romans would crush a first-time rapist’s gonads between two stones.

In China, women are prohibited from walking around a hotel room in the nude. A woman may be naked only while in the bathroom.

The early Christian church forbade couples from having sex on Wednesdays, Fridays and of course, Sundays.

In Pompeii, a special law was directed at prostitutes. They had to dye their hair either blue, red or yellow in order to be able to work.

In Indiana, mustaches are illegal if the bearer has a “tendency to habitually kiss other humans.”

Six thousand years ago, Egyptians, the first to punish sex crimes with castration, would completely castrate a male convicted of rape. A women found guilty of adultery would find herself without a nose, the thinking being that without a nose, it would be harder to find someone to share in her adulterous ways.

There are men in Guam whose full-time job it is to travel the countryside and deflower young virgins, who pay them for the privilege of having sex for the first time. Why? Under the law in Guam, it is forbidden for virgins to marry.

In Hong Kong, a betrayed wife is legally allowed to kill her adulterous husband, but may only do so with her bare hands. The husband’s lover may be killed in any manner desired.

An 18th century French prostitute could be spared punishment if she were willing to join the opera.

In Mississippi, S & M is against the law. Specifically, “The depiction or description of flagellation or torture by or upon a person who is nude or in undergarments or in a bizarre or revealing costume for the purpose of sexual gratification.”

During the Middle Ages, if you were guilty of bestiality you’d be burned at the stake, along with the other party to your crime.

Laws - Part III

In Tibet, many years ago, the law required all women prostitute themselves. This was seen as a way to gain sexual experience prior to marriage.

“Female breasts,” according to the Arizona Supreme Court, don’t constitute“private parts” under state law.

The Asiatic Huns punished convicted male rapists and adulterers with castration. Female adulterers were merely cut in two.

The penalty for masturbation in Indonesia is decapitation.

The T’ang Dynasty Empress Wu Hu passed a special law concerning oral sex. She felt that a woman pleasuring a man represented the supremacy of the male over the female. Therefore, she insisted all visiting male dignitaries show their respect by pleasuring her orally when meeting. The empress would throw open her robe and her guest would kneel before her and kiss her genitals.

In London, it’s illegal to have sex on a parked motorcycle.

There is, in fact, an Illinois law that prohibits a number of things—one of which is a public erection, another is nude dancing. The prohibition against the public erection has never been challenged in the Supreme Court, but the prohibition against nude dancing has.

In 100 A.D., the Teutons, an Germanic tribe, would punish anyone caught as a prostitute by suffocating them in excrement.

The vow of a Roman vestal virgin lasted 30 years. If she engaged in sex before then, she was punished by being buried alive.

In 17th century Spain, it was illegal for anyone other than a woman’s husband to see her bare feet. A woman could freely expose her breasts, but feet were considered sexual and had to be covered in the presence of men other than her husband.

Laws - Part II

Up until 1884, a woman could be sent to prison for denying a husband sex.

In Maryland, it is illegal to sell condoms from vending machines with one exception, prophylactics may be dispensed from a vending machine only “in places where alcoholic beverages are sold for consumption on the premises.”

While not as extreme as the ancient Israelite punishment for adultery (stoning), Greek men still had their fair share of discomfort when their pubic hair was removed and a large radish was shoved up their rectum.

In Alabama, it’s against the law for a man to seduce “a chaste woman by means of temptation, deception, arts, flattery or a promise of marriage.”

In Nepal, Bangladesh and Macao it is against the law to view movies containing simulated lovemaking or the pubic area of men and women. The law also does not allow kisses to be shown in any film that includes actors from these three countries.

It’s illegal to have sex with a corpse anywhere in the United States.

Laws - Part I

As recently as 1990, these states had laws against the use of dildos: Idaho, Utah, Arizona, Oklahoma, Minnesota, Louisiana, Mississippi, Alabama, Georgia, South Carolina, North Carolina, Virginia, Maryland, Massachusetts, Rhode Island and Washington D.C.

In Minnesota, it is illegal for any man to have sexual intercourse with a live fish.

In Detroit, couples are not allowed to make love in an automobile unless the act takes place while the vehicle is parked on the couple’s own property.

In Oxford, Ohio, it’s illegal for a woman to strip off her clothing while standing in front of a man's picture.

An excerpt from Kentucky state legislation: “No female shall appear in a bathing suit on any highway within this state unless she be escorted by at least two officers or unless she be armed with a club.”

The only acceptable sexual position in Washington, D.C. is the missionary position. Any other sexual position is considered illegal.

In Michigan a woman isn’t allowed to cut her own hair without her husband’s permission.

The Prospector

An old prospector shuffled into town leading a tired old pack mule. The old man headed straight for the only saloon to clear his parched throat.

He walked up and tied his old mule to the hitching rail. As he stood there brushing some of the dust from his face and clothes, a young gunslinger stepped out of the saloon with a gun in one hand and a bottle of whiskey in the other.

The young gunslinger looked at the old man and laughed, saying, "Hey old man, have you ever danced?"

The old man looked up at the gunslinger and said, "No, I never did dance . . . never really wanted to."

A crowd had gathered as the gunslinger grinned and said, "Well you old fool, you're gonna dance now," and started shooting at the old man's feet.

The old prospector, not wanting to get a toe blown off, started hopping around like a flea on a hot skillet. Everybody was laughing, fit to be tied. When the last bullet had been fired, the young gunslinger, still laughing, holstered his gun and turned around to go back into the saloon.

The old man turned to his pack mule, pulled out a double-barreled shotgun, and cocked both hammers.

The loud clicks carried clearly through the desert air.

The crowd stopped laughing immediately.

The young gunslinger heard the sounds too and he turned around very slowly. The silence was almost deafening. The crowd watched as the young gunman stared at the old timer and the large gaping holes of those twin barrels.

The barrels of the shotgun never wavered in the old man's hands, as he quietly said, "Son, have you ever licked a mule's ass?" The gunslinger swallowed hard and said, "No sir . . . but . . . I've always wanted to."

Hat tip: Sarge Charlie of Sarge Charlie

Smart A$$

Two businessmen in Florida were sitting down for a break in their soon-to-be new store..As yet, the store wasn’t ready, with only a few shelves set up. One said to the other, “I bet any minute now some senior is going to walk by, put his face to the window, and ask what we’re selling.”

No sooner were the words out of his mouth when, sure enough, a curious senior walked to the window, had a peek, and in a soft voice asked, “What are you sellin’ here?”

One of the men replied sarcastically, “We’re selling a$$holes.”

Without skipping a beat the old timer said, “Must be doing well…Only two left.”

Stolen from: Steve of bethere2day

The Blonde

A man met a beautiful blonde woman and decided he wanted to marry her right away.

She said, ‘But we don’t know anything about each other..’

He said, ‘That’s all right, we’ll learn about each other as we go along.’

So she consented, they were married, and off they went on a honeymoon at a very nice resort.

One morning they were lying by the pool, when he got up off of his towel, climbed up to the 10 meter board and did a two and a half tuck, followed by three rotations in the pike position, at which point he straightened out and cut the water like a knife. After a few more demonstrations, he came back and lay down on the towel.

She said, ‘That was incredible!’

He said, ‘I used to be an Olympic diving champion. You see, I told you we’d learn more about each other as we went along.’

So she got up, jumped in the pool and started doing lengths. After seventy -five lengths she climbed out of the pool, lay down on her towel and was hardly out of breath.

He said, ‘That was incredible! Were you an Olympic endurance swimmer?’

’No,’ she said, ‘I was a hooker in Pittsburgh and I worked both sides of the River.”

Stolen from: Spicybugz of Spicybugz World

Blog Survey

Greg of The De-evolution of Man did a fun survey he called Greg Answers the Blog Survey. He didn't tag me to do this, but I thought it was pretty cool and decided to complete the survey myself. Well, it mostly means that I don't have any brilliant ideas for another post. So here goes:

1. If you have pets, do you see them as merely animals, or are they members of your family?

Our Little Bit is an 80 pound flat-coated retriever and she is part of the family. She is the boss at our house. She comes first in everything. We love her oodles and bunches.


2. If you can have a dream to come true, what would it be?

World peace. I know it will never happen, but that would be my wish. The world seems to be in such turmoil all the time.


3. What is the one thing most hated by you?

Thieves. I can't stand thieves and there are so very many thieves.


4. What would you do with a billion dollars?

My entire family would be set for life. I would make sure that they had homes and security.


5. What helps to pull you out of a bad mood?

Hubby. He's my rock and he's squared away. He makes me smile every single day.


6. Which is more blessed, loving someone or being loved by someone?

I would say loving someone so you would understand what that means.


7. What is your bedtime routine?

Get undressed, take my NyQuil so I can breath and slip under the covers. I'm usually out in a matter of minutes.


8. If you are currently in a relationship, how did you meet your partner?

At work of course. Actually I met Zane when he did my background in the 70s. He came to my home to ask me a few questions and I remember thinking, wow, this sergeant is handsome. We worked together off and on over the years and one day he got a divorce. Some months later we went out and well, here we are married and happy.


9. If you could watch a creative person in the act of the creative process, who would it be?

Claude Monet. He's my all time favorite painter. I would love to watch him work.


10. What kinds of books do you read?

Crime and suspense books. The who did it kind of books. They can have a little romance, but not much. I want to try to figure out who is the bad guy and see the smart cop/detective take them down.


11. How would you see yourself in ten years time?

I'll be 69 years old so I'm guessing I'm going to look a lot older. I'm just hoping I'll still be vertical.


12. What’s your fear?

The Federal, State and Local governments. They are scaring me but good.


13. Would you give up all junk food for the rest of your life for the opportunity to visit outer space?

I don't do a lot of junk food, but I do indulge now and then. I'll keep the junk food and someone else can have my spot in space.


14. Would you rather be single and rich or married, but poor?

Married and poor, because I've got the best husband on the planet.


15. What’s the first thing you do when you wake up?

Head to the bathroom, then weigh myself, go downstairs and turn on the coffee pot and then Little Bit and I go get the newspaper. It's her time to go potty.


16. If you could change one thing about your spouse/partner what would it be?

You can't tweak perfection. Absolutely nothing.


17. If you could pick a new name for yourself, what would it be?

I already did that the other day with help from my buddy Barb. My new name is Princess Because-I-Said-So.


18. Would you forgive and forget no matter how horrible a thing that special someone has done?

No but revenge might be what would happen. Some things are unforgivable. Especially from someone that is supposed to be special.


19. If you could only eat one thing for the next 6 months, what would it be?

Chicken Fettuccini Alfredo! It's probably the worst dish on the planet, but I love it so. Pure heaven. I can't remember the last time I had it either.

I'm not going to tag anyone, but if you want to play along please do. Let me know though so I can read your answers. If you decide to participate in the survey, just copy and paste these questions, answer them, and tag another 4 bloggers.

1. If you have pets, do you see them as merely animals, or are they members of your family?
2. If you can have a dream to come true, what would it be?
   
3. What is the one thing most hated by you?
   
4. What would you do with a billion dollars?
   
5. What helps to pull you out of a bad mood?
   
6. Which is more blessed, loving someone or being loved by someone?
   
7. What is your bedtime routine?
   
8. If you are currently in a relationship, how did you meet your partner?
   
9. If you could watch a creative person in the act of the creative process, who would it be? 10.
10. What kinds of books do you read?
    
11. How would you see yourself in ten years time?
    
12. What’s your fear?
    
13. Would you give up all junk food for the rest of your life for the opportunity to visit outer space?
    
14. Would you rather be single and rich or married, but poor?
    
15. What’s the first thing you do when you wake up?
    
16. If you could change one thing about your spouse/partner what would it be?
    
17. If you could pick a new name for yourself, what would it be?
    
18. Would you forgive and forget no matter how horrible a thing that special someone has done?
    
19. If you could only eat one thing for the next 6 months, what would it be?

How is Norma?

A sweet grandmother telephoned St. Joseph 's Hospital. She timidly asked, "Is it possible to speak to someone who can tell me how a patient is doing?"

The operator said, "I'll be glad to help, dear. What's the name and room number of the patient?"

The grandmother in her weak, tremulous voice said, "Norma Findlay, Room 302."

The operator replied, "Let me put you on hold while I check with the nurse's station for that room."

After a few minutes, the operator returned to the phone and said, "I have good news. Her nurse just told me that Norma is doing well. Her blood pressure is fine; her blood work just came back normal and her physician, Dr. Cohen, has scheduled her to be discharged tomorrow."

The grandmother said, "Thank you. That's wonderful. I was so worried. God bless you for the good news."

The operator replied, "You're more than welcome. Is Norma your daughter?"

The grandmother said, "No, I'm Norma Findlay in Room 302. No one tells me s**t."

Hat tip: Lynn Sagara - Blogger Cruise 4 Evil Crew Member

The Career Girl

The beautiful young career girl had one unhappy trait, she would fall head over heels in love with a different man each week, always with the conviction that her latest beau was the man of her dreams, with whom she could live happily ever after.

One particularly devastating experience finally convinced her that she had to put an end to this distressing habit. She vowed to spend the next few evenings alone at her favorite bar to console herself.

As luck would have it, she encountered a handsome, well-groomed stranger, whom she couldn't resist approaching.

"Let me buy you a drink," the young man said, after she sat down next to him. "But I really must tell you that nothing will come of it." His reserve intrigued her, and after several drinks, her attraction to him had grown considerably. In fact, the more the fellow put her off, the more fascinated she became.

'Here,' she thought, 'is a truly fine young man who didn't try to take advantage of her body like all the rest.' Before she knew it, she had invited him to her apartment.

"I'm just not the type of person who does that sort of thing," her new friend replied, "but I'll come along for conversation." His hesitance increased her ardor for him all the more!

By the tune they had reached her apartment, she was irresistibly drawn to him. Once inside, she reclined languorously on the couch and beckoned to him.

"Please," he pleaded. "I told you this couldn't work out."

"But you don't understand," she said. "I want you for my husband!"

"That's quite different!" he said enthusiastically. "Send him in!"

Stolen from: Phil of Phils Phun

Old Fart Football

An old married couple no sooner hit the pillows when the old man passes gas and says, ‘Seven Points.'

His wife rolls over and says, 'What in the world was that?'

The old man replied, 'its called fart football.'

A few minutes later his wife lets one go and says ‘Touchdown, tie score...'

After about five minutes the old man lets another one go and says, 'Aha. I'm ahead 14 to 7.'

Not to be outdone the wife rips out another one and says, 'Touchdown, tie score.'

Five seconds go by and she lets out a little squeaker and says, 'Field goal, I lead 17 to 14.' Now the pressure is on the old man.

He refuses to get beaten by a woman, so he strains real hard. Since defeat is totally unacceptable, he gives it everything he's got, and accidentally shits in the bed.

The wife says, 'What the hell was that?'

The old man says, 'Half time, switch sides.'

Hat tip: Sarge Charlie of Sarge Charlie