Senior Halloween

You know you are too old to Trick or Treat when:

10. You get winded from knocking on the door.

9. You have to have another kid chew the candy for you.

8. You ask for high fiber candy only.

7. When someone drops a candy bar in your bag, you lose your balance and fall over.

6. People say: "Great Boris Karloff Mask," and you're not wearing a mask.

5. When the door opens you yell, "Trick or..." and can't remember the rest.

4. By the end of the night, you have a bag full of restraining orders.

3. You have to carefully choose a costume that won't dislodge your hairpiece.

2. You're the only Power Ranger in the neighborhood with a walker.

And the number one reason Seniors should not go Trick Or Treating...

1. You keep having to go home to pee.

Pigs...

Last Tuesday President Obama got off the helicopter in front of The White House - carrying a baby piglet under each arm. The squared-away Marine guard snapped to attention, saluted and said:

"Nice pigs, sir."

The President replied: "These are not pigs. These are authentic Arkansas Razorback Hogs. I got one for Secretary of State Hillary Clinton, and I got one for Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi."

The squared-away Marine again snapped to attention, salutes and said, "Excellent trade, sir."

Hat tip: Dr. Vern B.

Splish Splash

Click on the graphic and it will take you to a little jingle that made me laugh out loud. Hubby liked it too. This kid is going places. What do you think?

Hat tip: Princess Barb

The Nightmare

Warning: Political Joke - If you don't like political humor you might want to pass on this one!

In the nightmare I found myself nude in bed, and I was looking at a mirror on the ceiling, and I discovered that I am a Black, and I'm circumcised! Quickly I jumped up, found my pants and looked in the pockets to find my driver license photo and it was that same color. Black. I felt myself being very depressed, downcast, sitting in a chair. But it's a wheelchair!

That means, of course, besides being black and Jewish, I'm also disabled! I said to myself, aloud, 'This is impossible. It's impossible that I should be black and Jewish and disabled.'

'It's the pure and holy truth', whispers someone from behind me I turn around, and it's my boyfriend. Just what I needed! I am a homosexual, and on top of that with a Mexican boyfriend. Oh, my God. Black, Jewish, disabled, gay, with a Mexican boyfriend, drug addict, and HIV-positive!

Desperate, I begin to shout, cry, pull my hair, and OH, NO, I'm Bald! The telephone rings. It's my brother. He is saying, 'Since mom and dad died the only thing you do is hangout, take drugs, and laze around all day doing nothing. Get a job you worthless piece of crap. Any job.

Mom? Dad? No. Now I'm also an unemployed orphan! I try to explain to my brother how hard it is to find a job when you are black, Jewish, disabled, gay with a Mexican boyfriend, are a drug addict, HIV-positive, bald, and an orphan. But he doesn't get it.

Frustrated, I hang up. It's then I realize I only have one hand! With tears in my eyes I go to the window to look out. I see I live in a shanty-town full of cardboard and tin houses! There is trash everywhere. Suddenly I feel a sharp pain near my pacemaker.

Pacemaker? Besides being black, Jewish, disabled, gay with a Mexican boyfriend, a drug addict, HIV-positive, bald, orphaned, unemployed, an invalid with one hand, and having a bad heart, I live in a crappy neighborhood.

At that very moment my boyfriend approaches and says to me, 'Sweetie pie, my love, my little black heartthrob, have you decided which inaugural party we are going to for Obama?

Say it isn't so! I can handle being a black, disabled, one armed, drug addicted, Jewish gay on a Pacemaker who is HIV positive, bald, orphaned, unemployed, lives in a slum, and has a Mexican boyfriend, but please, oh dear God, please don't tell me I'm a DEMOCRAT.

Stolen from: Phil of Phils Phun

Mammogram

Many women are afraid of their first mammogram, but there is no need to worry. By taking a few minutes each day for a week preceding the exam and doing the following exercises, you will be totally prepared for the test and best of all, you can do these simple exercises right in and around your home.

EXERCISE ONE:

Open your refrigerator door and insert one breast in door. Shut the door as hard as possible and lean on the door for good measure.

Hold that position for five seconds. Repeat again in case the first time wasn't effective enough..

EXERCISE TWO:

Visit your garage at 3AM when the temperature of the cement floor is just perfect. Take off all your clothes and lie comfortably on the floor with one breast wedged under the rear tire of the car. Ask a friend to slowly back the car up until your breast is sufficiently flattened and chilled. Turn over and repeat with the other breast.

EXERCISE THREE:

Freeze two metal bookends overnight. Strip to the waist. Invite a stranger into the room. Press the bookends against one of your breasts.

Smash the bookends together as hard as you can. Set up an appointment with the stranger to meet next year and do it again.

YOU ARE TOTALLY PREPARED!

Hat tip: Donna M.

Encinal Yacht Club

Hubby and I had a fabulous time at the International Order of the Blue Gavel (IOBG) Installation Dinner this past Saturday night. We arrived at our hotel around 4:00 pm and checked in then walked over to the yacht club to see if there was anything that needed to be done. There wasn't so we had a cocktail with Dr. Vern Bendsen who was checking the dining room to see if it met with his approval. After all it was his big night.

When we were getting ready to go dress for dinner Dave and Linda Breninger arrived. If you will remember our opening day on the bay trip, Linda Breninger is the vice commodore of Pacific Inter-Club Yacht Association (PICYA), a very prestigious boating organization. They agreed to work the registration table for Vern and Linda and I asked if we could help. Sure you can show people to their tables. The tables were numbered, but not in any particular order, and we didn't want folks to have trouble finding their tables. Zane and I headed back to our hotel (about a 2 minute walk) and got ready for our evening.

We had a great evening filled with fabulous food, lots of laughter and the very best thing of all was watching Dr. Vern Bendsen being installed as the International President of the International Order of the Blue Gavel. We wouldn't have missed it for the world.

The picture at the top is of hubby and I in the bar right after we arrived. I think we make a nice couple.

I was hoping this picture would have turned out better, but at least you get the idea of what we were wearing. If you click on any photograph it will open in a new window. Click on the picture one more time after it opens and it will really enlarge.

This is me helping at the reception desk. I was obviously talking to someone that I liked very much.

This is me with the commodore of PICYA, Reginald Smith and his lovely wife Debrina. They are two of the very nicest people.

Zane and I are proud to present the International President of IOBG, Dr. Vern Bendsen and his lovely wife Dr. Linda Bendsen.

I hope you've had fun coming along with us on our fabulous evening at Encinal Yacht Club.

Inner Peace

If you can start the day without caffeine,

If you can always be cheerful, ignoring aches and pains,

If you can resist boring people with your troubles,

If you can eat similar food every day and be grateful for it,

If you can understand when your loved ones are too busy to give you any time,

If you can take criticism without resentment,

If you can conquer tension without medical help,

If you can relax without liquor,

If you can sleep without the aid of drugs,

Then You Are Probably...

The Family Dog!

Hat tip: Donna M.

Archaeological Dig

An archaeological team, digging in Washington DC, has uncovered 10,000 year old bones and fossil remains of what is believed to be the first politician.

I see nothing has changed.

Hat tip: ♥Hubby♥

IOBG Dinner

Today hubby and I travel to Encinal Yacht Club for the Installation Dinner & Dance to watch Dr. Vern Bendsen be sworn in as the International President of the International Order of the Blue Gavel. This is an exciting time for him and his lovely wife, Dr. Linda Bendsen, and for all of us in attendance. They are truly a very special couple in the boating world and have been wonderful in helping me through the chairs of our yacht club.

This is a black tie event and hubby will be wearing a tuxedo and I'll be in an evening gown. This is very unusual for us as we rarely dress up for anything. You don't have to wear a tuxedo to go to your boat. I'll make sure we get a picture up of the two of us so you can see that we clean up pretty well.

Have a terrific weekend everyone.

By Request

Empress Bee (of the High Sea) asked what our autumn screen savers or desktop choices are. Well, I don't do autumn but I will post what I have currently. Remember I'm a summer girl. I'll do a Christmas desktop, but it will go right back to spring/summer after the first of the year. I do have a ton of desktop icons, but I hid them for this screen shot. Do you see WillThink4Wine at the bottom. This is as autumn as I'm going to get. Now if you'll excuse me I'm going to hop into that boat and take it for a spin. Have a terrific day y'all. Did I do that right Miss Bee?

Okay, if I was going to have an autumn desktop here's the one I'd have. It doesn't have a boat but there is water.

So do you have an autumn desktop or screen saver, or do you do what I do and do whatever you want?

Kin...

Two good ol' boys in a trailer park were sitting around talking one afternoon over a cold watermelon after getting off of work at their local asbestos plant.

After a while, Skeeter said to his buddy, Skooter, "If'n I was to sneak over to your trailer Saturday & make love to your wife while you was off coon huntin' and she got pregnant and had a baby, would that make us kin?"

Skooter crooked his head sideways for a minute, scratched his head, and squinted his eyes thinking real hard about the question.

Finally, he said, "Well, I don't know about kin, but it would make us even."

Hat tip: Nick M.

The Comment Game

It's time to play the comment game again. I've a very busy week this week so I wanted you to have something constructive to do. Now play nice okay!

Here's how it goes: I'll start the game off at the bottom of this post by choosing two words or phrases, like coffee or tea, and which ever one you prefer you choose. You can also explain why. When you have done that you do two new words or phrases for the next commenter to choose from. Feel free to come back as often as you like. Just have fun. If someone derails the game will one of you put it back on track? Thanks.

First comment: Apple Pie or Pumpkin Pie?

Greeks and Italians

A Greek and Italian were talking one day discussing who had the superior culture. Over coffee the Greek says, "Well, we have the Parthenon."

The Italian replies, "We have the Coliseum."

The Greek retorts, "We Greeks gave birth to mathematics."

The Italian, nodding, says, "But we built the Roman Empire."

And, so on and so on until the Greek comes up with what he thinks will end the discussion. With a flourish of finality he says, "We invented sex!"

The Italian replies, "That is true, but it was the Italians who introduced it to women."

Hat tip: Nick M.

Time To Retire

There are three signs of old age. The first is your loss of memory. You forget the other two.

When you don't care where your spouse goes, just as long as you don't have to go along.

When work is a lot less fun - and fun is a lot more work.

When the girls at the office start confiding in you.

When it takes longer to rest than to get tired.

When you have stopped growing at both ends, and have begun to grow in the middle.

When you realize that caution is the only thing you care to exercise.

When you wake up with that morning-after feeling, and you didn't do anything the night before!

When you lean over to pick something up off the floor, you ask yourself if there is anything else you need to do while you are down there.

Stolen from: Hale McKay of It Occurred To Me

San Quentin

One our way to the bay we always pass San Quentin State Prison. Over my years of working I've seen lots of men sentenced to death row. I always wave when I go by. The name that most will remember is Scott Peterson. California will just not execute those folks on death row. Well rarely in any event. The horrible crimes they have committed and been convicted of doesn't seem to come into play here. The term cruel and unusual punishment is a favorite term for the lawyers defending these death row inmates. Here's more on San Quentin's track record:

Executions

All executions in California must occur at San Quentin. The methods for execution at San Quentin have changed over time. Between 1893 and 1937, 215 people were executed at San Quentin by hanging, after which 196 prisoners died in the gas chamber. In 1995, the use of gas for execution was ruled "cruel and unusual punishment," which led to executions inside the gas chamber by lethal injection. Between 1996 and 2006, 11 people were executed at San Quentin by lethal injection.

In April 2007, staff of the California Legislative Analyst's Office discovered that a new execution chamber was being built at San Quentin; legislators subsequently "accuse[d] the governor of hiding the project from the Legislature and the public" and a single viewing area; the facility that was being built included an injection chamber of 230 square feet (21 m²) and three viewing areas for family, victim, and press. Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger stopped construction of the facility the next week. The Legislature later approved $180,000 to finish the project, and the facility was completed. The old lethal injection facility had included an injection room of 43 square feet (4.0 m)
In addition to State executions, two federal executions have taken place at San Quentin as well, both in December 1948. Over the course of two days, three inmates under federal death sentences for murder were executed in the gas chamber. Samuel Richard Shockley and Miran Edgar Thompson died on the 3rd. Carlos Romero Ochoa died on the 10th.

Source: Wikipedia

Benicia YC

This was our view on the deck of Benicia Yacht Club. We were all enjoying our cocktails before dinner. To see all the bay cruise pictures click the link 2010 Bay Cruise.

Leaving the Bay

We are heading toward Martinez Yacht Club on Friday and we have one more night before we head to our perspective marinas. This is what we look like out on the water. There's nothing like boating on the California Delta.

The Sacramento-San Joaquin River Delta is an example of an inverted river delta, one of only a few worldwide. It is the largest estuary on the United States' Pacific Coast. The fan-like area of the delta moves downstream, as the two rivers are forced to exit the Central Valley through the Coast Range via the narrow channel known as the Carquinez Strait, which leads to the San Francisco Bay and mainly the Pacific Ocean through the Golden Gate. The delta consists of myriad small natural and man-made channels (locally called sloughs), creating a system of isolated lowland islands and wetlands defined by dikes or levees. The delta islands are not islands in the classic sense, but are referred to as such because they are completely surrounded by water and are so isolated in many cases that they are accessible only by boat, ferry or aircraft. An extensive system of earthen levees has allowed widespread farming throughout the delta. Its peat soil makes it one of the most fertile agricultural areas in California and arguably even the nation, contributing billions of dollars to the state's economy. Certain specialty crops, such as asparagus, are grown in the delta in quantities unmatched anywhere else in the United States. The delta and its "Thousand Miles of Waterways" are a recreation destination. The warm, breezy summers are popular among water skiers and boaters and even the chilly, foggy winters draw fishermen and hunters.

Source: Wikipedia

Port of Oakland

We left the Oakland guest docks after two nights of fun in Alameda and we passed a container ship being off loaded. It's just another sight one sees while traveling in the bay.

One of the main limitations to growth was the inability to transfer containers to rail lines, all cranes historically operating between ocean vessels and trucks. In the 1980s the Port of Oakland began the evaluation of development of an intermodal container transfer capability, i.e. facilities that would allow trans-loading of containers from vessels to either trucks or rail modes. The Port retained VZM, Korve Engineering and Earth Metrics to perform engineering and environmental studies to allow detailed engineering to proceed. In 1987, on behalf of the Oakland port Commission, Allen Broussard led a group of 72 lawyers and city officials on a 3-week long trip to China meeting the Mayor of Shanghai, Jiang Zemin (Shanghai is twinned with San Francisco) Completion of the resulting rail intermodal facility occurred in 2002. That brought the cumulative investment of port expansion to over 1.4 billion dollars since 1962, half of which was comprised by the intermodal facility. In the early 2000s, the new intermodal rail facility along with severe congestion at the Ports of Los Angeles and Long Beach caused some trans-Pacific shippers to move some of their traffic to the Port of Oakland (especially if the final destination is not in Southern California but lies farther east). Also, the Port is now reaping the benefits of investment in post-panamax cranes, dredging, and the transfer of military property, which has now been used for expansion. Deepening of the port from 42 feet to 50 feet to accommodate larger ships has been completed. The ports of Los Angeles, Long Beach, Seattle and Tacoma were already 50 feet deep. The $432 million project was finished in September 2009.

Source: Wikipedia

San Pablo Bay

Yesterday I posted about the superyacht Octopus and today I want to share with you our kind of boating. Here are four of the six vessels that went to the bay. We have Time Out, Holy Moly, Sport 'n' Wood and Our Destination. Our vessel Anewatee and the commodores Delta Bear didn't make this shot. All of our boats range from 32' to 38'. We were in San Pablo Bay heading for the San Rafael Yacht Club.

We don't have a crew (like Octopus) and we do all the work ourselves. We wouldn't have it any other way either. When we get ready to dock I'm on the bow doing all the lines and fenders. Most of the time we stern into the docks so the boats are stacked together side by side. Once all the boats are docked the party begins. We have cocktails, food and just hang out. Often the guys play poker and the girls play quarters. Well until it's time to dress for dinner. The objective is to eat our way through the bay. We always do a great job. We were gone 1.5 weeks and gained 4 pounds. I'm sure I can do better than this on our Carnival Cruise next February.

Boating is lots of work, but it's also lots of fun. There's nothing quite like being on the water.

Superyacht Octopus

For the next few days I'll be posting about our annual bay cruise. They are not in order, so don't expect that. We have hundreds of pictures and the one below really stuck out. We were heading under the San Francisco - Oakland Bay Bridge and docked at Treasure Island was this superyacht. Thanks to Duffy who knew the history of this superyacht, I give you Octopus.

Octopus is currently the world's 11th largest superyacht, owned by Paul Allen, the co-founder of Microsoft, to whom she was delivered in 2003. Octopus is the third largest superyacht that is not owned by a head of state, measuring 414 feet (126 m), and at the time it was built, was believed to be the biggest such yacht.

Octopus sports two helicopters on the top deck (one in front and one on the back), and a 63-foot (19 m) tender docked in the transom (one of seven aboard). The yacht also has a pool on board, located aft on one of her upper decks, and two submarines (one of them operated by remote control for studying the bottom of the ocean). Side hatches at the water line form a dock for jet skis.

The exterior was designed by Espen Øino Naval Architects and built by the German shipbuilders Lürssen in Bremen and HDW in Kiel. Her hull is made of steel. The interior was designed by American designer Jonathan Quinn Barnett of Seattle.

Allen also owns Tatoosh, another of the world's 100 largest yachts.

Source: Wikipedia

More on Cats

"With their qualities of cleanliness, discretion, affection, patience, dignity, and courage, how many of us, I ask you, would be capable of becoming cats?" - Fernand Mery

On Cats

"Of all God's creatures, there is only one that cannot be made slave of the lash. That one is the cat. If man could be crossed with the cat it would improve the man, but it would deteriorate the cat." - Mark Twain

Heading Home

Today we are heading back towards home with a visit to Martinez Municipal Marina. We like the park like setting and it's a short walk into downtown Martinez. There's plenty of shopping and places to eat. We spend one night here and then it's back to Willow Berm Marina. Another fine bay cruise enjoyed by all those in attendance. I hope you've enjoyed going along with us. We sure have enjoyed having you come along.

Gun Owners

We don't compromise.  You shouldn't either.

If guns kill people, then...

- pencils miss spel words.

- cars make people drive drunk.

- spoons made Rosie O'Donnell fat!

Hat tip: ♥Hubby♥

Oakland Yacht Club

Today we leave San Rafael Yacht Club and head to Oakland Yacht Club. We've been by this yacht club, but we've never ventured inside. Another new experience to be enjoyed. Here's a bit of history about the Oakland Yacht Clubs beginning.

In January 1913, a handful of sailors met at Peterson's Boat House at the foot of 12th Street in Oakland. They formed Oakland Yacht Club which was incorporated in December of that year.

Early history of Bay Area yacht clubs suggests that there were two yacht clubs named "Oakland." It is thought that our club has its roots in several former clubs including The Panama YC.

Judge H.W. Pulcifer was elected the first Commodore, and the first meetings of the board of directors were held in the judge's chambers. (The judge served as Commodore again in 1916-1918).

Oakland Yacht Club is The ninth yacht club to be formed in The Bay Area. The others are Alvarado and San Francisco, formed in 1869, followed by Corinthian, Encinal, California, South Bay, Vallejo and Aeolian. 

On Thursday evening we take a short walk to Encinal Yacht Club for dinner.  Remember hubby and I are also members of Encinal Yacht Club.

911 Call

A salute to an idiot!

A mother calls 911 very worried asking the dispatcher if she needs to take her kid to the emergency room, the kid had eaten ants. The dispatcher tells her to give the kid some Benadryl and he should be fine, the mother says, 'I just gave him some ant killer...'

Dispatcher: 'Rush him into emergency!'

Life is tough. It's even tougher if you're stupid!!!

San Rafael

Today we set sail to San Rafael Yacht Club. We will spend a couple of days here and we are really looking forward to this stop as we've not been here before. We have dinner at the club one of the two nights we spend here and the other we are own our own. Unknown if we are going out, or doing another potluck. Whatever we do it is always fun.

Eve

After three weeks in the Garden of Eden, God came to visit Eve. "So, how is everything going?" inquired God.

"It is all so beautiful, God," she replied. "The sunrises and sunsets are breathtaking, the smells, the sights, everything is wonderful, but I have just one problem.

"It's these breasts you have given me. The middle one pushes the other two out and I am constantly knocking them with my arms, catching them on branches and snagging them on bushes. They're a real pain."

Eve went on to tell God that since many other parts of her body came in pairs, such as her limbs, eyes, ears, etc., she felt that having only two breasts might leave her body more "symmetrically balanced".

"That's a fair point," replied God, "But it was my first shot at this, you know. I gave the animals six breasts, so I figured that you needed only half of those, but I see that you are right. I will fix it up right away."

And God reached down, removed the middle breast and tossed it into the bushes. Three weeks passed and God once again visited Eve in the Garden of Eden. "Well, Eve, how is my favorite creation?"

"Just fantastic," she replied, "But for one oversight. You see, all the animals are paired off. The ewe has a ram and the cow has her bull. All the animals have a mate except me. I feel so alone."

God thought for a moment and said, "You know, Eve, you are right. How could I have overlooked this? You do need a mate and I will immediately create a man from a part of you. Let's see....where did I put that useless boob?"

Hat tip: ♥Hubby♥

Benicia Yacht Club

As always we kick off our annual bay cruise at Benicia Yacht Club. This is a great group of folks that treat us great. We also love the town of Benicia and we spend three days here before we depart for the next port of call. To learn about Benicia click HERE.

We'll have dinner somewhere on Friday night, and on Saturday night we have drinks and dinner at the yacht club. Sunday night we will have a Mexican potluck dinner on the dock. Our club can really put together some great food. Come on...join us.