Carnival Glory

I wanted to learn a bit more about the vessel us bloggers will be enjoying next February. Sounds pretty impressive to me.

Carnival introduces a whole new spectrum of fun with the CARNIVAL GLORY. She is the most impressive and imaginative vessel in the "Fun Ship" fleet, in addition to being the largest floating resort ever to sail from Port Canaveral. Every convenience and feature our guests have requested most have been realized in her design, including countless dining and entertainment options, and every service and amenity you can imagine.

Places to Visit
Entertainment

On the Carnival Glory, the entertainment is beyond dynamically inclined as possible for a floating resort the size of three football fields. We promise the only time you'll spend idle, is bedtime... that is if you find time to sleep. Otherwise every minute of your day will be filled with breath taking entertainment. Whether your preference includes enjoying a Las Vegas-Style Shows in the Taj Mahal, test driving our bars and nightclubs, or simply indulging in live entertainment.

* Full Gambling Casino
* Main Show Lounge
* Cigar Lounge
* 22 Different Bars & Lounges
* Dancing
* Teen Club
* Video Game Room

Activities

Once you're aboard Carnival Glory, we guarantee boredom will no longer become a concern. On the other hand you have two battles to conquer, which will be what to do next and finally how long it will take you to pull yourself away from the ship.

* 4 Swimming Pools, 1 with a 214-foot-long Water Slide
* 15,000-square-foot Health & Fitness Facility
* Internet Cafe
* "Boulevard" of Shops & Boutiques
* "Action Alley" - A Recreation Center Housing a Video Arcade
* Teen Coffee Bar & Dance Club
* 3,300-square-foot Children's Play Area
* Multi-Media Conference Center
* Expansive Sports Deck - with Basketball & Volleyball Courts
* Jogging Track
* Card Room
* Game Room

I think I'm going to like this vessel very much. Want to come along? Call Edward Garcia @ 800-819-3902 ext. 82614. He'll treat you like royalty!

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Bloggers Cruise

Well, we did it. Hubby and I are going on the Bloggers Cruise 4 on February 27, 2011 to the Eastern Caribbean. How cool is that? Well to make it even more fun there are bloggers that I've been wanting to meet for a very long time. There's Empress Bee (of the High Sea), Sarge Charlie, Barb, Dick and Sandy, Lois and Hank (and they had better be there, along with one pal I've had the pleasure of getting together with twice, Linda from Connecticut. I'm so jazzed about this. I not only get to cruise the Eastern Caribbean I get to meet a ton of bloggers that I ♥ to pieces.

Yesterday I booked our passage and we are down the hall from Empress Bee and Sarge Charlie, on the port side of the Carnival Glory.

Sunday, February 27, 2011 - Miami, Florida
Monday, February 28, 2011 - Nassau, Bahamas
Tuesday, March 1, 2011 - Fun Day At Sea
Wednesday, March 2, 2011 - St. Thomas, U.S. Virgin Islands
Thursday, March 3, 2011 -San Juan, Puerto Rico
Friday, March 4, 2011 - Grand Turk, Turks And Caicos
Saturday, March 5, 2011 - Fun Day At Sea
Sunday, March 6, 2011 - Miami, Florida

More tomorrow! Want to come along?
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Awww...Mondays #70

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The Funeral

A funeral service is being held for a woman who has just passed away.

At the end of the service, the pallbearers are carrying the casket out when they accidentally bump into a wall, jarring the casket. They hear a faint moan. They open the casket and find that the woman is actually alive! She lives for ten more years, and then dies.

Once again, a ceremony is held, and at the end of it, the pallbearers are again carrying out the casket. As they carry the casket towards the door, the husband cries out, "Watch that wall!"

Stolen from: Hale McKay of It Occurred To Me

Current Whereabouts: Boat!

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Fried Chicken

Our teacher asked us what our favorite animal was, and I said, "Fried chicken."

She said I wasn't funny, but she couldn't have been right, everyone else in the class laughed. My parents told me to always be truthful and honest, and I am. Fried chicken is my favorite animal.

I told my dad what happened, and he said my teacher was probably a member of PETA.
He said they love animals very much.

I do, too. Especially chicken, pork and beef. Anyway, my teacher sent me to the principal's office. I told him what happened, and he laughed too. Then he told me not to do it again.

The next day in class my teacher asked me what my favorite live animal was. I told her it was chicken.

She asked me why, just like she'd asked the other children. So I told her it was because you could make them into fried chicken. She sent me back to the principal's office again.

He laughed, and told me not to do it again.

I don't understand. My parents taught me to be honest, but my teacher doesn't like it when I am.

Today, my teacher asked us to tell her what famous person we admire most.

I told her, "Colonel Sanders". Guess where I am now...

Stolen from: Phil of Phils Phun

Current Whereabouts: Boat!

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Lie Detector

John was a salesman’s delight when it came to any kind of unusual gimmick. His wife Marsha had long ago given up trying to get him to change. One day John came home with another one of his unusual purchases. It was a robot that John claimed was actually a lie detector.

It was about 5:30 that afternoon when Tommy, their 11 year old son, returned home from school. Tommy was over 2 hours late. “Where have you been? Why are you over 2 hours late getting home?” asked John.

“Several of us went to the library to work on an extra credit project,” said Tommy.

The robot then walked around the table and slapped Tommy, knocking him completely out of his chair.

“Son,” said John, “this robot is a lie detector, now tell us where you really were after school.”

“We went to Bobby’s house and watched a movie.” said Tommy.

“What did you watch?” asked Marsha.

“The Ten Commandments.” answered Tommy.

The robot went around to Tommy and once again slapped him, knocking him off his chair once more.

With his lip quivering, Tommy got up, sat down and said, “I am sorry I lied. We really watched a tape called Sex Queen.”

“I am ashamed of you son,” said John.

“When I was your age, I never lied to my parents.”

The robot then walked around to John and delivered a whack that nearly knocked him out of his chair.

Marsha doubled over in laughter, almost in tears and said, “Boy, did you ever ask for that one! You can’t be too mad with Tommy. After all, he is your son!”

With that the robot immediately walked around to Marsha and knocked her out of her chair.

Stolen from: Phil of Phils Phun

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Paid in Full

It was many years ago since the embarrassing day when a young woman, with a baby in her arms, entered his butcher shop and confronted him with the news that the baby was his and asked what was he going to do about it? Finally he offered to provide her with free meat until the boy was 16. She agreed.

He had been counting the years off on his calendar, and one day the teenager, who had been collecting the meat each week, came into the shop and said, "I'll be 16 tomorrow."

"I know," said the butcher with a smile, "I've been counting too, tell your mother, when you take this parcel of meat home, that it is the last free meat she'll get, and watch the expression on her face."

When the boy arrived home he told his mother. The woman nodded and said, "Son, go back to the butcher and tell him I have also had free bread, free milk, and free groceries for the last 16 years and watch the expression on his face!"

Stolen from: Hale McKay of It Occurred To Me

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Awww...Mondays #69

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Pittsburg Pictures

Here's a few pictures of our cruise out last weekend. You can get a good look at me and hubby, well if you want to.

1. Me and hubby on the back of our boat. 2. Me heading down the dock.


3. Our boats sterned in, in front of Pittsburg Yacht Club. 4. Preparing
to have our traditional Saturday morning potluck breakfast.

5. Me doing the introductions on Saturday night.
Click on any photograph to biggify.

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Mildred

How To Stop A Church Gossip!

Mildred, the church gossip, and self-appointed monitor of the church's morals, kept sticking her nose into other people's business.

Several members did not approve of her extra- curricular activities, but feared her enough to maintain their silence.

She made a mistake, however, when she accused Frank, a new member, of being an alcoholic after she saw his old pickup parked in front of the town's only bar one afternoon.

She emphatically told Frank (and several others) that every one seeing it there would know what he was doing!

Frank, a man of few words, stared at her for a moment and just turned and walked away. He didn't explain, defend, or deny. He said nothing.

Later that evening, Frank quietly parked his pickup in front of Mildred's house... walked home... and left it there all night.

Hat tip: ♥Hubby♥

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Pittsburg Cruise-Out

We left for the boat on Thursday afternoon to pack everything on board and clean up the boat both inside and out. It was between regular washes so the boat was pretty dirty. Can't have that on a cruise. The weather was very nice with a slight breeze. We enjoyed getting the boat ready for her trip to Pittsburg Yacht Club the following morning.

In the middle of the night I could tell the wind had come up because you could feel the boat rocking back and forth on the lines. It's a great way to sleep, but I remember thinking that I hope the wind goes away before it's time to leave.

We get up the next morning and have our coffee and the wind is howling. We listen to the marine radio weather channel and it's going to be windy well into Saturday afternoon. I set this event up and have 13 boats due to arrive on Friday with a total of 36 folks for Friday nights dinner. At around 11 a.m. we back the boat out of the slip and head out of the harbor. As soon as we get to the San Joaquin river we knew we were in for a ride. The wind is really blowing and the water is coming over the top of the boat fairly regularly. It takes about 3 hours to boat to Pittsburg Yacht Club, so it's going to be a rough ride. I kept thinking I could have saved myself a ton of work cleaning the outside of the boat. With all the water coming over the top of the boat it was getting a really great river wash.

Being in the big water on the river wasn't our biggest concern. The biggest concern is sterning in at Pittsburg Yacht Club. You have very little room and there are two boats to each slip. I decide at that point to drive the boat to Pittsburg and hubby can dock the boat when we get there. At least he's not spending three hours keeping the boat on course with the high winds.

We get to Pittsburg and indeed our weather report from our commodore who was helping get the boats in was that the wind was FIERCE. I didn't much like that word as sterning in is tough enough at times, but when the wind is fierce it's even more dicey.

Hubby sterns in without incident and we both breathe a sigh of relief. Of the 13 boats that signed up for this cruise out all 13 showed up on Friday. I was so very proud of everyone. All of us had one issue or another getting tied up that day, but we all showed up.

The party began after all the boats were in and we had a great weekend of fun, great food and some cold adult beverages. Everything went very well.

Sunday morning after a wonderful breakfast hubby and I decided to head out. We wanted to fuel up at Pittsburg Municipal (best price on fuel) and pump out again. The difference between Friday and Sunday was amazing. Hubby just put the vessel in forward and we floated away from the dock and the boat we were next to. Mother nature can really get angry now and then and just as quickly she can be kind again.

Now I'm working on our next cruise-out to Ebony Boat Club for next month. We are going to drown in southern hospitality there. These folks know how to cook. The same food I was raised on and I can hardly wait.

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Something to Ponder

This comes from 2 maths teachers with a combined total of 70 yrs. Experience.

Here is a little something someone sent me that is indisputable mathematical logic. It also made me Laugh Out Loud.

This is a strictly mathematical viewpoint...it goes like this:

What Makes 100%? What does it mean to give MORE than 100%? Ever wonder about those people who say they are giving more than 100%? We have all been to those meetings where someone wants you to give over 100%. How about achieving 103%? What makes up 100% in life?

Here's a little mathematical formula that might help you answer these questions:

If:
A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z

Is represented as:
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26

Then:
H-A-R-D-W-O-R-K
8+1+18+4+23+15+18+11 = 98%

And
K-N-O-W-L-E-D-G-E
11+14+15+23+12+5+4+7+5 = 96%

But,
A-T-T-I-T-U-D-E
1+20+20+9+20+21+4+5 = 100%

And,
B-U-L-L-S-H-I-T
2+21+12+12+19+8+9+20 = 103%

AND, look how far arse kissing will take you..

A-R-S-E-K-I-S-S-I-N-G
1+18+19+5+11+9+19+19+9+14+7 = 131%

So, one can conclude with mathematical certainty, that While Hard work and Knowledge will get you close, and Attitude will get you there, its the Bullshit and Arse kissing that will put you over the top.

Stolen from Odat of Odat's Mumblings

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Political Correctness

Due to the climate of political correctness now pervading America , all Kentuckians, Tennesseans, and West Virginians will no longer be referred to as "HILLBILLIES." You must now refer to them as "APPALACHIAN-AMERICANS".

And furthermore, HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT WOMEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT:
  1. She is not a "BABE" or a "CHICK" - She is a "BREASTED AMERICAN."
  2. She is not "EASY" - She is "HORIZONTALLY ACCESSIBLE."
  3. She is not a "DUMB BLONDE" - She is a "LIGHT-HAIRED DETOUR OFF THE INFORMATION SUPERHIGHWAY."
  4. She has not "BEEN AROUND" - She is a "PREVIOUSLY-ENJOYED COMPANION."
  5. She does not "NAG" you - She becomes "VERBALLY REPETITIVE."
  6. She is not a "TWO-BIT HOOKER" - She is a "LOW COST PROVIDER."
And, not to discriminate.... HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT MEN AND BE POLITICALLY
CORRECT:
  1. He does not have a "BEER GUT" - He has developed a "LIQUID STORAGE FACILITY."
  2. He is not a " BAD DANCER" - He is "OVERLY CAUCASIAN."
  3. He does not "GET LOST ALL THE TIME" - He "INVESTIGATES ALTERNATIVE DESTINATIONS."
  4. He is not "BALDING" - He has "FOLLICLE IMPAIRMENT."
  5. He does not act like a "TOTAL ASS" - He develops a case of RECTAL-CRANIAL INVERSION."
  6. It's not his "CRACK" you see hanging out of his pants - It's "REAR CLEAVAGE."
Stolen from: Jonas of With a Smile
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The Sex Shop

A little old lady, well into her eighties, slowly enters the front door of a sex shop. Obviously very unstable on her feet, she wobbles the few feet across the store to the counter. Finally arriving at the counter and grabbing it for support,
stuttering she asks the sales clerk, "Dooo Youuuu have dilllldosss?"

The clerk, politely trying not to burst out laughing, replies, "Yes we do have dildos. Actually we carry many different models."

The old woman then asks: "Doooo youuuu carrryy AAA pppinkk onnees, Tttenn inchessss lllong aaandd aabboutt ttwoo inchesss ththiickk... aaand rrunns by bbaatteries?"

The clerk responds, "Yes we do.

"Ddddooo yyoooouuuu kknnnoooww hhhowww tttooo ttturrrnnn ttthe ssunoooffabbitch offfff?"

Hat tip: Jeni of Down River Drivel

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Awww...Mondays #68

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The Pope vs Moishe

About a century or two ago, the Pope challenged the Jewish community of Rome to a debate.

The Jews looked around for a champion who could defend their faith, but no one wanted to volunteer. It was too risky. So they finally picked an old man named Moishe who spent his life sweeping up after people to represent them. Being old and poor, he had less to lose, so he agreed. He asked only for one addition to the rules of debate. Not being used to saying very much, he asked that neither side be allowed to talk. The Pope agreed.

The day of the great debate came. Moishe and the Pope sat opposite each other for a full minute before the Pope raised his hand and showed three fingers. Moishe looked back at him and raised one finger. The Pope waved his fingers in a circle around his head. Moishe pointed to the ground where he sat. The Pope pulled out a wafer and a glass of wine. Moishe pulled out an apple. The Pope stood up and said, "I give up. This man is too good. The Jews win."

An hour later, the cardinals were all around the Pope asking him what happened. The Pope said, "First I held up three fingers to represent the Trinity. He responded by holding up one finger, to remind me that there was still one God common to both our religions. Then I waved my finger around me to show him, that God was all around us. He responded by pointing to the ground, showing that God was also right here with us. I pulled out the wine and the wafer to show that God absolves us from our sins. He pulled out an apple to remind me of original sin. He had an answer for everything. What could I do?"

Meanwhile, the Jewish community had crowded around Moishe, amazed that this old, almost feeble-minded man had done what all their scholars had insisted was impossible. "What happened?" they asked.

"Well," said Moishe, "first he said to me that the Jews had three days to get out of here. I told him that not one of us was leaving. Then he told me that this whole city would be cleared of Jews. I let him know that we were staying right here."

"And then?" asked a woman.

"I don't know," said Moishe. "He took out his lunch and I took out mine."

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Boating - Part III

Click on Picture to Biggify

The last 2.5 years have been filled with many different boating adventures. Our first trip to the San Francisco Bay was indeed exciting. It was also much simpler than we thought it would be. It was so enjoyable we went again last year and are planning to go again this year and the year after that.

We joined Encinal Yacht Club so we would have a club in the bay area to boat to when we have the time. Until I finish going through the chairs of DMYC I doubt we'll find the time. We've even talked about going out into the ocean to Monterey and Half Moon Bay. Wow have things changed.

We have gone from being to afraid to take the boat out of the slip to we are hardly ever in the slip. There's a thousand miles of waterways on the California Delta, so why stay in the slip. Do we have perfect landings all the time? No, but the bad landings are few and far between. What's most important is we've caused no damage to our boat or any other boat. I'm hoping we can keep this great record going.

What we didn't do was sit at home in front of the television and do nothing. We worked hard all our working lives and now it's time to do what we want to do, and we want to boat. All we are doing is camping on the water. Want to come along for a ride?

Current Whereabouts: Pittsburg Yacht Club

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Boating - Part II

After spending the first couple of years in the slip we decided that we needed to branch out and start doing some boating. One of our dock neighbors was a commodore of a yacht club and talked us into attending one of their events to see if we would like to join. Well, we attended and fell in love with the people and the club. We joined Delta Marina Yacht Club and started boating in a big way.

The first cruise out we attended was Tower Park Marina. Getting into Tower Park is difficult at best. Trial by fire is what we decided and sure enough it was trying. We managed and after having that cruise under our belts we felt more confident. It was still a very big deal to go anywhere though.

The next big challenge was Caliente Isle Yacht Club on Bethel Island. All summer long the wind howls (I mean HOWLS) through this area and it takes a lot of know-how to get into and out of this club. Every third boat has to have an anchor out that's how windy it is. We didn't do well. It was horrible, but we weren't the only ones that had trouble. That didn't help much, but some. It was during this cruise that I was asked if I was interested in going through the chairs of the yacht club. As you all know I said yes.

The next challenge was the bay cruise. This annual event in done during the end of September for about 10 days. The first year we passed as we thought it too daunting for us fairly new and inexperienced boaters. The second year we went as far as Benicia Yacht Club. About the midway point to the San Francisco Bay. It wasn't nearly as scary as we thought it was going to be.

The next invite we got was to check out a private island to see if we were interested in becoming members. Many of our yacht club folks belonged to this island so we decided to take a look. Well we loved the island and joined right away. This has been a very big learning curve in our boating. Many folks want power and water hookups when they go somewhere in their boat. With this island you don't have either one. We learned what we could do and what we couldn't do to stay at the island for sometimes a week or more. The only power you have is your generator. One of the best things we did was joining our island.

We are just now starting to learn how to boat. We still have lots of apprehension every time we go somewhere, but not nearly as bad. We do know one thing...we love our boat.

Current Whereabouts: Pittsburg Yacht Club

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Boating - Part I

During my first year of retirement hubby and I thought we wanted to RV. We looked at every imaginable RV out there. We pretty much settled on a Titanium Fifth Wheel, but we never bought one. We finally figured out that we weren't committed to straying far from home and figured it wouldn't be a very wise investment. I boated in the 80s and talked hubby into just looking at a couple different kinds of boats. He was game and I suggested we check out Bayliner and Sea Ray.

We headed to Sacramento and after looking at both types of boats we both agreed that we wanted a Sea Ray. I already knew I wanted a Sea Ray I just needed to convince hubby.

Within two weeks of going on this trip we put a bid on a 32 foot Sea Ray Sundancer, which was accepted. The gal that owned this boat turned out to be horrible so we told her we didn't want her boat. I'm glad she was so difficult. We immediately made a bid on a 34 foot Sea Ray Sundancer and bought that boat. This turn-key boat has served us so very well the last 7 seasons. Had we bought the 32 footer I'm sure we would have sold it and went to a bigger boat. We've even thought about that already, but with this economy we aren't going to do something that foolish.


When we first started out hubby didn't know how to drive the boat. I did well out in the river, but not so great with the close up work. Docking and the like. So, we didn't go anyplace to speak of for the first couple of years. Pumping out the black water (waste) was a big event as we had to leave the slip and go to the gas dock. Looking back it's kind of humorous now, but then it was a really big deal.

All the pictures are similar to our vessel. We have a full galley, dining area, stateroom, guest stateroom and a head complete with a shower. The length overall is 37 feet so it's plenty big enough for us. Click on any of the photographs to biggify.

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Stock Advice

I called my stockbroker this morning and asked him what I should be buying.

He said, "Canned goods and ammunition."
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Awww...Mondays #67

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Sex or Skiing?

A preacher became frustrated that a large part of his congregation was going water skiing on Sunday rather than coming to church, so he told his wife, "This coming Sunday, I'm going to preach about the evils of water skiing on Sunday."

"What?" she exclaimed. "That's a silly thing to preach about."

"I don't think so," he said. "It's a problem we need to address."

The next Sunday as they were driving to church, the wife asked her preacher husband somewhat warily about the day's sermon topic.

As I told you," he said, "I'm going to preach about the evils of water skiing on Sundays."

"That's idiotic!" the wife retorted. "First of all, it's a dumb topic for a sermon, and second, the people who need to hear it most won't be in church. Why don't you preach about sex or something most people are interested in?"

"No. The Lord wants me to preach about the evils of water skiing on Sundays, and that's what I'm preaching about," he said firmly.

His wife said, "Well, I'm not going to sit through a boring sermon like that. I'm staying in the car. You can tell the congregation I'm sick or something." And she stayed in the car.

As the preacher walked from the car to his study at the church, he got to thinking that perhaps his wife had a valid point, so he changed his mind and gave a brilliant extemporaneous sermon on the proper role of sex in modern society.

When the service was over, one of the parishioners stopped by the preacher's car and remarked to the pastor's wife, "I'm sorry you're not feeling well this morning. "Your husband gave the finest sermon today that he's ever given since coming to this parish."

"Hmmmpf. I don't know why he thinks he's such an expert on the subject," his wife snapped. "He's only tried it twice, and he fell off both times."

Stolen from: Hale McKay of It Occurred To Me
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Justice!

Let's put the seniors in jail, and the criminals in a nursing home. This way the seniors would have access to showers, hobbies,and walks, they'd receive unlimited free prescriptions, dental and medical treatment, wheel chairs etc. and they'd receive money instead of paying it out.

They would have constant video monitoring, so they could be helped instantly, if they fell, or needed assistance.

Bedding would be washed twice a week, and all clothing would be ironed and returned to them.

A guard would check on them every 20 minutes, and bring their meals and snacks to their cell.

They would have family visits in a suite built for that purpose.

They would have access to a library, weight room, spiritual counseling, pool, and education.

Simple clothing, shoes, slippers, P.J.'s and legal aid would be free, on request.

Private, secure rooms for all, with an exercise outdoor yard with gardens.

Each senior could have a P.C. a T.V. radio, and daily phone calls.

There would be a board of directors, to hear complaints, and the guards would have a code of conduct, that would be strictly adhered to.

The "criminals" would get cold food, be left all alone, and unsupervised. Lights off at 8pm, and showers once a week. Live in a tiny room, and pay $5000.00 per month and have no hope of ever getting out.

Justice for all.

Stolen from Phil of Phils Phun

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The Assignment

*Here's a prime example of "Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus" offered by an English professor from the University of Colorado for an actual class assignment:*

The professor told his class one day: "Today we will experiment with a new form called the tandem story. The process is simple. Each person will pair off with the person sitting to his or her immediate right.

"As homework tonight, one of you will write the first paragraph of a short story. You will e-mail your partner that paragraph and send another copy to me. The partner will read the first paragraph and then add another paragraph to the story and send it back, also sending another copy to me.The first person will then add a third paragraph, and so on back-and-forth.

"Remember to re-read what has been written each time in order to keep the story coherent. There is to be absolutely NO talking outside of the e-mails and anything you wish to say must be written in the e-mail. The story is over when both agree a conclusion has been reached."

The following was actually turned in by two of his U. of Colorado English students:

*THE STORY:*

*(First paragraph by Rebecca)*

At first, Laurie couldn't decide which kind of tea she wanted. The chamomile, which used to be her favorite for lazy evenings at home, now reminded her too much of Carl, who once said, in happier times, that he liked chamomile. But she felt she must now, at all costs, keep her mind off Carl. His possessiveness was suffocating, and if she thought about him too much her asthma started acting up again. So chamomile was out of the question.

*(Second paragraph by Bill)*

Meanwhile, Advance Sergeant Carl Harris, leader of the attack squadron now in orbit over Skylon 4, had more important things to think about than the neuroses of an air-headed asthmatic bimbo named Laurie with whom he had spent one sweaty night over a year ago. "A.S. Harris to Geostation 17," he said into his transgalactic communicator. "Polar orbit established. No sign of resistance so far." But before he could sign off a bluish particle beam flashed out of nowhere and blasted a hole through his ship's cargo bay. The jolt from the direct hit sent him flying out of his seat and across the cockpit.

*(Rebecca)*

He bumped his head and died almost immediately, but not before he felt one last pang of regret for psychically brutalizing the one woman who had ever had feelings for him. Soon afterwards, Earth stopped its pointless hostilities towards the peaceful farmers of Skylon 4. "Congress Passes Law Permanently Abolishing War and Space Travel," Laurie read in her newspaper one morning. The news simultaneously excited her and bored her. She stared out the window, dreaming of her youth, when the days had passed unhurriedly and carefree, with no newspaper to read, no television to distract her from her sense of innocent wonder at all the beautiful things around her. "Why must one lose one's innocence to become a woman?" she pondered wistfully.

*(Bill)*

Little did she know, but she had less than 10 seconds to live. Thousands of miles above the city, the Anu'udrian mothership launched the first of its lithium fusion missiles. The dimwitted wimpy peaceniks who pushed the Unilateral Aerospace disarmament Treaty through the congress had left Earth a defenseless target for the hostile alien empires who were determined to destroy the human race. Within two hours after the passage of the treaty the Anu'udrian ships were on course for Earth, carrying enough firepower to pulverize the entire planet. With no one to stop them, they swiftly initiated their diabolical plan. The lithium fusion missile entered the atmosphere unimpeded. The President, in his top-secret mobile submarine headquarters on the ocean floor off the coast of Guam, felt the inconceivably massive explosion, which vaporized poor, stupid Laurie.

*(Rebecca)*

This is absurd. I refuse to continue this mockery of literature. My writing partner is a violent, chauvinistic semi-literate adolescent.

*(Bill)*

Yeah? Well, my writing partner is a self-centered tedious neurotic whose attempts at writing are the literary equivalent of Valium. "Oh, shall I have chamomile tea? Or shall I have some other sort of F**KING TEA??? Oh no, what am I to do? I'm such an air headed bimbo who reads too many Danielle Steele novels!"

*(Rebecca)*

A$$h@le.

*Bill)*

B*tch!

*(Rebecca)*

F*** YOU - YOU NEANDERTHAL!!

*Bill)*

In your dreams, Ho. Go drink some tea.

*(TEACHER)*

A+ - I really liked this one.
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Indian Style

An Indian picks up a hooker. 'How much do you charge for da hour, sister?' he asks.

'$100,' she replies.

He says, 'Do you do Indian style?'

'No' she says.

'I pay you $200 to do it Indian style.'

'No', she says, not knowing what Indian style is.

'I pay you $300.'

'No', she says.

'I pay you $400.'

'No', she says.

So finally he says, 'OK, I pay you $1,000 to do it Indian style.'

She thinks, 'Well, I've been in the game for over 10 years now. I've had every kind of request from weirdos from every part of the world. How bad could Indian Style be?'

So she agrees and has sex with him. They do it in every kind of way and in every possible position.

Finally, after several hours, they finish. Exhausted, the hooker turns to him and says, 'Hey, I was expecting something perverted and disgusting. But that was good. So what exactly is Indian style?'

The Indian replies, 'You send bill to Government.'

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Do-Follow Blogs

While over at Do Follow Blog List, I found this wonderful do-follow list. It sure has got around. Anyway, here's what this blogger had to say along with the list:

Here is a list of over 250+ DoFollow Blogs. Don’t know what a DoFollow Blog is? DoFollow Blogs are Weblogs that have DoFollow Plugin installed. DoFollow Plugin removes the “NoFollow” tag from the comments. It means that if you submit a comment with your home page to these blogs then Search Engines will count that link as a back link. If you don’t use ‘DoFollow’ Plugin then search engines will ignore those links.

When submitting comments to these blogs please write some relevant and useful content. Don’t Spam! If you submit just one comment to all of them then it gives you more than 250 back links to your Website/Blog. And these 250 back links alone can get you a PR of 1 assuming you have quality search engine friendly articles.
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Weed and Tricks

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