Opening Day Winners

Here are a few of the winners of the Opening Day on the Bay boat parade. They had several professional photographers taking photographs and I'll get the pictures out as soon as they get them posted. The political boat is the second photograph in this post.

Best Overall:

Ebony Boat Club & Encinal Yacht Club, Otis Brock, Enchantment

Sailboat Decorated to Theme:

1st: Richardson Bay YC, 201, Alexander Grieve, Aniasuma II
2nd: Island YC, 210, Dave Bloch, Dream Catcher
3rd: Oyster Point YC, 220, Bill and Karen Ferrera, Freedom

Powerboat Decorated to Theme:

1st: Oxbow YC, 190, Frank Louthan, Monarch
2nd: Oyster Point YC, 160, Robert Ramus, Jole' Blon
3rd: Marin Yacht Club & California Yacht Club, 101, James Purvis, Sans Souci

Jr. Decorated to Theme:

1st: St. Francis YC, 301, Paul Heinekin, Wee Willie
2nd: Treasure Island YC, 310, Gordon Strom, Nangor
3rd: San Joaquin YC, 305, Rodger Terry, Money Pit

Flags & Streamers:

1st: St. Francis YC, This is Bruce Smith, Wallace Foss
2nd: Benicia YC
3rd: Bel Marin Keys YC

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Opening Day - IV

My lunch mates were very impressive. We were of course seated with David (current president of Recreational Boaters Of California (RBOC). and Vice Commodore Linda Breninger, along with Linda Bendsen. Linda Bendsen was our driver into the city that morning. She is also Vice President (North) of RBOC. Dr. Bendsen has been a wonderful friend for a very long time and is also a great mentor to me in everything boating. She took me under her wing long ago and showed me how to be successful in the yachting world. So far she's been right on the money. Her husband Dr. Vern Bendsen is president elect of the International Order of the Blue Gavel (IOBG).

I was seated next to my husband of course, but on my left was Vice Admiral Jody Breckenridge of the United States Coast Guard. She was the grand marshal of Opening Day on the Bay. Here is just a tidbit of what she is responsible for: She is the Commander, Coast Guard Pacific Area which encompasses over 73 million square miles throughout the Pacific Basin to the Far East. What a delightful woman that I had the privilege getting to know. Her and her husband were down-to-earth nice folks.

Another table mate was Ray Tsuneyoshi who just resigned as director of California Department of Boating and Waterways. Ray is an extremely respected man in the boating world. He will be missed and I wish him all the best in the future.

Jerry Desmond Jr. of Desmond & Desmond, attorney and adviser for Recreational Boaters of California rounded out the table. We really appreciate all the hard work Jerry does for the recreational boaters of California.

All of these individuals are heavy hitters in the boating world.

After lunch it was time for the presentations and to announce the boat parade winners. We got a plaque for our donation. It was a very nice surprise. I'm sure at some point I'll be able to get a shot of that presentation once PICYA puts up all their pictures. Let's just say that PICYA knows how to show their appreciation.

It was a terrific day on the water and we are looking forward to Opening Day on the Bay on May 1, 2011. I wonder what the theme will be next year. We just can't figure out why we never went before. We certainly are going to keep this event in our planner for as long as we are able. If there is an Opening Day on the Bay in your area you might want to consider participating. You don't have to be a boater to ride on the committee boat. There are also many places on the shore that you can participate for free.

Another thing we know is next year we will be sponsors again. This is such a worthwhile event. It has and deserves the support of the boating community. Thank you Vice Commodore Linda Breninger and PICYA.

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Opening Day III

Finally the parade began and there were over 100 participants this year. A fine showing indeed. We had ringside seats because we were on the port side of the vessel. All the parade participants passed on the port side of the committee boat. We had a great time figuring out what boats we thought should win. There were some great entries. This years theme was 'Building Bridges' and it was interesting to see the different takes on this theme. The funniest one was an entrant with republicans on one side of the vessel and democrats on the other side of the vessel trying to work together to build a bridge. Uncle Sam was in the middle trying to direct them to no avail. They were all in costume too, which made it even funnier. The bridge was a total wreck as you might imagine. We all howled as it went by. It was a classic and it won in its category.

It was fun to watch the different yacht clubs that participated. We knew many yacht club members from all over northern California. This is what PICYA is all about...uniting the boating world in northern California. As the last boat went by we all prepared to have a sit down lunch. It has been a wonderful day so far and soon we'll know who won in each category and other surprises.

This vessel was the committee boat for the Opening Day on the Bay Boat Parade this past Sunday. The Vice Commodore, Linda Breninger was responsible for this event. To say it's a huge undertaking is putting it mildly. There were 205 passengers not counting the press. We boarded at 9:00am and our exciting day lasted until 4:15pm. Here's some information on the vessel we had the privilege to spend the day enjoying.
The California Hornblower is a historically designed replica of a late 1800's 174' Plumb Bow Classic Yacht. She was built by Moss Point Marine, Inc. located in Escatawpa, Mississippi in 1989 for Hornblower Cruises and Events to serve as a Dinner Cruise and Private Charter Yacht.

California Hornblower became the flagship yacht of the luxury fleet. The 183 foot yacht, has four decks and her three spacious salons feature full service bars, hardwood dance floors, brass, teak and mahogany appointments. Large windows that surround all the decks provide spectacular views for all guests on-board.

A full galley is on-board where all cuisine is prepared fresh for guests. She is U.S. Coast Guard Inspected as a Small Passenger Vessel, Sub Chapter K and is certified to carry 1,000 persons on inland waters, and 385 persons on Coastwise voyages.
Tomorrow: Part IV

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Opening Day II

We were up, showered, dressed, packed and ready to check out of our hotel by 7:15am. We moved our vehicle to the Encinal Yacht Club parking lot and waited for our driver to appear so we could head into the city. Soon we were on the San Francisco - Oakland Bay Bridge and heading into San Francisco. The weather was picture perfect. Not a cloud in the sky and it was warm. We pulled into the parking lot at pier 3 around 8:15am and found a spot very close to the California Hornblower. What a delight that was. Most of you that are in a big city know how much walking is done from your car to your destination most of the time.

We boarded the Hornblower and started folding program inserts. Then we placed the programs at each place setting. That was about it for work that morning. At 9:00am everyone started boarding the vessel as the departure time was 10:00am. There was a fabulous continental breakfast and two bars were open for those that wanted an adult beverage.

At 10:00am the vessel backed out and soon were were heading for Alcatraz Island, otherwise known as The Rock. We cruised around Alcatraz and then headed for the Golden Gate Bridge. Hubby and I decided that we had to go outside as we went under the bridge. The weather was great and the water was calm. It was the perfect day.

After we turned around and headed back under the Golden Gate Bridge we knew it was about time for the parade to start. The Hornblower headed for it's designated spot in the bay with a beautiful Coastguard Cutter off our port.

The 94th Annual "Opening Day on the Bay" Decorated Boat Parade, hosted by the Pacific Inter-Club Yacht Association (PICYA), representing over 100 yacht clubs in Northern California celebrated the official beginning of the a new boating season on San Francisco Bay. This year's theme was "Building Bridges."

The parade featured over 120 historic workboats, fireboats, Vessel Assist towboats, classic and contemporary craft decorated to the theme. There were both power and sail boats competing for best decoration honors.

Organized by the Pacific Inter-Club Yacht Association (PICYA) which was formed in San Francisco in 1896 to improve communications between yacht clubs, provide uniform racing rules, and encourage yachting. Today it is the only organization in Northern California that supports the promotion of recreational boating through the coordination and dissemination of information for the benefit of boaters. It publishes the Yachting Yearbook, the annual directory of member clubs and information, and created Recreational Boaters of California, a governmental advocacy organization committed to promoting the enjoyment, protections, and responsible use of our waterways. PICYA has coordinated Opening Day since 1917.
Tomorrow: Part III

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Bridezilla

Tiffany was planning her wedding and everyone in her wedding party was calling her Bridezilla. She decided she would seek revenge by buying them each a gift they would never forget. Each of her bridesmaids would receive a locket. The beauty of the pendant would catch their eye, it's secret power would catch their minds. Except for Brittany, an obviously brainless bimbo. But AHHHH she had other plans for HER! Brittany would get a special "hair treatment" at the salon. Color purple would look really good on her.

Tiffany had to laugh just imagining Brits' face after her new hair do was revealed, which would be all twisted up in knots if possible, no smiles on that creep's face, plus they would have a chocolate wedding cake with peanut butter frosting. that would really get them!!! But it wasn't really chocolate cake it was Ex-lax cake.

Tiffany was going to take special care of the ones who had slighted her. Devious one that she is was zeroing in on the groomsman who said, I'm glad my diabetes doesn't let me eat cake, but I can always have some punch. He didn't know that Rex was searching for a toilet for so long, and the punch bowl was the perfect place to do it. The punch was dark enough so no one will notice that I have a low cholesterol level so I could eat anything served during the reception. Sorry, Warren you are diabetic.

After being reminded that he was a diabetic, Warren decided that the deviled eggs would be safe for him to snack on. But he wasn't aware that Brittany had decided to create her own wedding day prank by crushing up the groom's Viagra pills and putting them in the deviled eggs. And if THAT wasn't enough, a giant tornado chose THAT MOMENT to cut a swath of disassemblage through the site of the wedding, shredding Tiffany's dress and revealing her red flannel undies to her groom's obvious horror; turning Brittany's purple 'doo into a giant swirly, which became an instant hit with the editors of Purple Goth Magazine; and the punch sprayed a nearby computer store, causing all their keyboards TO TYPE IN UNCONTROLLABLE CAPS.

Suddenly, the Ex-lax kicked in, giving new meaning to chocolate and fireworks! The explosions could be heard for miles around. Rex was no more and this thrilled Tiffany to no end. She had always hated him. She was however furious that Brittany was an instant celebrity.

The joke was really on Tiffany. What she hadn't known is that Brittany and her fiance had been lovers for a very long time. The only reason her fiance was going to marry her was for all her money, but that changed when he learned of how devious she really was. Besides who would marry someone that wore red flannel undies?

Brittany ran off with Tiffany's former fiance and Warren...well his erection lasted longer than four hours and he's in the emergency room receiving treatment. As for Tiffany, she is drowning herself in a bottle. The computer stores inventory was a complete loss and they are suing Tiffany for 3 million dollars. That's what you get when you're a Bridezilla.

Contributing authors (In order of appearance):

Ann of Ann's Snap Edit & Scrap
Joanne of Another Day in Paradise
Ivanhoe of From Ohio with Love
Marg of Margs Pets
Empress Bee (of the High Sea) of muffin53

Lois Grebowski of Lowdown from Lois
Buggys of Cute As A Buggy
Warren Contreras of 10 Times More Blog Traffic For Free
Mr. Rex of Dog's revelation
David B Katague of Marinduque Awaits You

Martha Cheves of Stir, Laugh, Repeat
Skunkfeathers of Skunkfeathers
Barb of WillThink4Wine

A great big THANK YOU to everyone that contributed to Bridezilla (Story Game). You are all awesome!
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Opening Day I

In February hubby and I attended the Pacific Inter-Club Yacht Association (PICYA) leadership conference at Benicia Yacht Club. These conferences are very important for those folks that are going through the chairs in their yacht clubs. During this conference hubby and I decided we would be silver sponsors for the PICYA Opening Day on the Bay boat parade. We wrote a check for $500 and never thought much about it after that. We had already sent in our RSVPs for seating on the committee boat for this years parade. This was our first year to participate in opening day.

Some weeks later we received a call from Linda Breninger, Vice Commodore of PICYA asking us if we would like to be seated at her table for the day. What an honor this was. Of course we said yes.

Several days later we heard from Linda Breninger again asking us if we would like to come to her husbands surprise birthday party at the Doubletree @ Berkeley Marina. Of course we would love to do this too. Since Dave likes a good Chardonnay we got him a nice bottle of Rombauer and a card.

Saturday afternoon hubby and I left home and traveled to the bay area. We checked into our hotel room around 3:30pm and then walked over to Encinal Yacht Club for a bite to eat. After that we ventured down to the docks to visit some friends that were decorating their boat for the annual Opening Day on the Bay boat parade. Another couple also attending Dave's surprise birthday party had their boat at Encinal YC and around 5:15 the four of us headed to the Doubletree Hotel in Berkeley.

By the time everyone showed up for cocktails there were 8 couples. Dave was indeed surprised and we all had a great dinner at the restaurant. It was a fun evening of great food and friendship that just happens when you get a bunch of boaters together. It was time to head back to our hotel and get some sleep as we were scheduled to leave the hotel at 8:00am sharp and head for pier 3 in San Francisco. To say this was exciting for us was an understatement, and the biggest thrills were yet to come.

Tomorrow: Opening Day on the Bay - Part II

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Awww...Mondays #62

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The Story Game

It's time to play The Story Game again. Here's how it works. I'll start a story. You continue it in comments. Each commenter picks up where the last left off. In a few days I'll give it an ending and post our story with the links to everyone who participated under the heading, "Contributing Authors". You can play as many times as you want. Thanks for playing along and have a great day.

Here's the beginning of our new story: Tiffany was planning her wedding and everyone in her wedding party was calling her Bridezilla. She decided she would seek revenge by...

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Cheer Up Girls...

It isn't just us who suffer changes over the years...

Val Kilmer

Mickey Rourke

Brendan Fraser

Russel Crowe

Alec Baldwin

Richard Gere

Roger Moore

Arnold Schwarzenegger

Pierce Brosnan

Clint Eastwood

Rod Stewart

ARE YOU FEELING BETTER NOW? I thought so.

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Female Style

An old man and woman were married for many years, even though they hated each other. When they had a confrontation, screaming and yelling could be heard deep into the night.

The old man would shout, 'When I die, I will dig my way up and out of the grave, and come back and haunt you for the rest of your life!'

Neighbors feared him. They believed he practiced black magic, because of the many strange occurrences that took place in their neighborhood.

The old man liked the fact that he was feared.

To everyone's relief, he died of a heart attack when he was 98. His wife had a closed casket at the wake. After the burial, she went straight to the local bar and began to party, as if there was no tomorrow.

Her neighbors, concerned for her safety, asked, 'Aren't you afraid that he may indeed be able to dig his way up and out of the grave, and come back to haunt you for the rest of your life?'

The wife put down her drink and said, 'Let him dig. I had him buried upside down.'

Damn! Women think of everything!!!

Hat tip: Babs of Beetle's Memories 'n' Ramblings

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The Virgin

In a tiny village on the Irish coast lived an old lady, virgin and very proud of it. Sensing that her final days were rapidly approaching, and desiring to make sure everything was in proper order when she dies, she went to the town's undertaker (who also happened to be the local postal clerk) to make proper 'final' arrangements.

As a last wish, she informed the undertaker that she wanted the following inscription engraved on her tombstone: BORN A VIRGIN, LIVED AS A VIRGIN, DIED A VIRGIN.

Not long after, the old maid died peacefully. A few days after the funeral, as the undertaker-postal clerk went to prepare the tombstone that the lady had requested, it became quite apparent that the tombstone that she had selected was much too small for the wording that she had chosen.

He thought long and hard about how he could fulfill the old maid's final request, considering the very limited space available on the small piece of stone. For days, he agonized over the dilemma, but finally his experience as a postal worker allowed him to come up with what he thought was the appropriate solution to the problem.

The virgin's tombstone was finally completed and duly engraved, and it read as follows: RETURNED UNOPENED!

Stolen from: Phil of Phils Phun

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Awww...Mondays #61

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The Comment Game

It's time to play the comment game again. We are at the boat for the weekend (what else is new). Now play nice okay, and have a terrific weekend.

Here's how it goes: I'll start the game off at the bottom of this post by choosing two words or phrases, like coffee or tea, and which ever one you prefer you choose. You can also explain why. When you have done that you do two new words or phrases for the next commenter to choose from. Feel free to come back as often as you like. Just have fun. If someone derails the game will one of you put it back on track? Thanks.

First comment: Soup or Salad?

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The Honorary Degree

A rich man walks into the Dean's Office at a small college. "I'd like to donate several million dollars to the institution."

"Why, that's very generous of you."

"But there is one condition: I'd like you to bestow an honorary degree."

"That's no problem; no problem at all."

"I haven't finished. I want an honorary degree for my horse."

"Your horse?"

"Yup, you bet. She carried me for many a year and I owe her a lot. I'd like her to receive her Tr.d. - Doctor of Transportation."

"I'm sorry, we can't give a degree to a horse. What will people think?"

"Well, I'll just take my donation to another educational institution."

"Wait, wait! Let me consult with the school trustees." The dean calls a hurried trustee meeting and relays the details of the deal. All of the board except the oldest member reacts with shock and dismay. The oldest trustee looks like he's sleeping through the meeting.

After all the arguments, the old man says, "Take the money and give the horse the degree."

"What? Don't you think that would disgrace the college?"

"We give honorary degrees to lawyers, don't we?"

"Yes, but ..."

"We give honorary degrees to politicians, don't we?"

"Yes ..."

"So what's wrong with giving an honorary degree to the entire horse?"

Hat tip: Phil of Phils Phun

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Bat Tutorial

Earth is populated with plenty of bizarre and astonishing creatures. Here are three from the Bat Family–without the need for resorting to fiction.
Sucker-footed Bat

Red-Winged Fruit Bat

Left-Winged Ding Bat
Hat tip: Nick M.

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The Cluster

This could happen. It probably has happened. If it hasn't happened it will. A humorous look at our current landscape. A minefield of craziness.

Hat tip: Duffy L.

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Awww...Mondays # 60

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Rare Condition

A man and a woman were sitting beside each other in the first class section of an airplane. The woman sneezed, took out a tissue, gently wiped her nose, and then visibly shuddered for ten to fifteen seconds.

The man went back to his reading.

A few minutes later, the woman sneezed again, took a tissue, wiped her nose, and then shuddered violently once more. Assuming that the woman might have a cold, the man was still curious about the shuddering.

A few more minutes passed when the woman sneezed yet again. As before she took a tissue, wiped her nose, her body shaking even more than before.

Unable to restrain his curiosity, the man turned to the woman and said, "I couldn't help but notice that you've sneezed three times, wiped your nose and then shuddered violently. Are you OK?"

"I am sorry if I disturbed you, I have a very rare medical condition; whenever I sneeze I have an orgasm."

The man, more than a bit embarrassed, was still curious. "I have never heard of that condition before" he said. "Are you taking anything for it?"

The woman nodded, "Pepper."

Hat tip: Sarge Charlie of Sarge Charlie

Current whereabouts: Boat! It's Safety Day today and I'm in charge of the party.

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In Your Own Words

Defense Attorney: Will you please state your age?

Little Old Lady: I am 94 years old.

Defense Attorney: Will you tell us, in your own words, what happened the night of April 1st?

Little Old Lady: There I was, sitting there in my swing on my front porch on a warm spring evening, when a young man comes creeping up on the porch and sat down beside me.

Defense Attorney: Did you know him?

Little Old Lady: No, but he sure was friendly.

Defense Attorney: What happened after he sat down?

Little Old Lady: He started to rub my thigh.

Defense Attorney: Did you stop him?

Little Old Lady: No, I didn't stop him.

Defense Attorney: Why not?

Little Old Lady: It felt good. Nobody had done that since my Albert died some 30 years ago.

Defense Attorney: What happened next?

Little Old Lady: He began to rub my breasts.

Defense Attorney: Did you stop him then?

Little Old Lady: No, I did not stop him.

Defense Attorney: Why not?

Little Old Lady: His rubbing made me feel all alive and excited. I haven't felt that good in years!

Defense Attorney: What happened next?

Little Old Lady: Well, by then, I was feeling so 'spicy' that I just laid down and told him, 'Take me, young man. Take me now!'

Defense Attorney: Did he take you?

Little Old Lady: Hell, no! He just yelled, ' April Fool!' And that's when I shot him, the little bastard!

Hat tip: Duffy L.

Current whereabouts: Boat! It's Safety Day on Saturday and I'm in charge of the party.
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How Was I Born?

A little boy goes to his father and asks 'Daddy, how was I born?'

The father answers, 'Well, son, I guess one day you will need to find out anyway! Your Mom and I first got together in a chat room on Yahoo. Then I set up a date via e-mail with your Mom and we met at a cyber-cafe. We sneaked into a secluded room, and googled each other. There your mother agreed to a download from my hard drive. As soon as I was ready to upload, we discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall, and since it was too late to hit the delete button, nine months later a little Pop-Up appeared that said:
'You got Male!'

Hat tip: Sarge Charlie of Sarge Charlie

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Deforestation

Hat tip: My sister ♥Debbie♥

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The Ten Cannots

There are certain laws, or principles, that are not laws in the sense that they’ve been passed by a legislative body, but rather that they are laws of nature, common sense, and ‘how else could it be?’

William John Henry Boetcker (1873–1962) was born in Germany and immigrated to the United States as a young man. He became an ordained minister soon after his arrival in America and became known for his eloquent and inspiring speaking style and words. Many consider him to be the forerunner for today’s motivational speakers and coaches.

In 1916 he published a pamphlet titled The Ten Cannots. I wish I had about a thousand of these to pass out today. I wish public schools would teach these. They are frequently attributed to Abraham Lincoln, but in reality, they are Rev. Boetcker’s words, and I reprint them here.
  • You cannot bring about prosperity by discouraging thrift.
  • You cannot strengthen the weak by weakening the strong.
  • You cannot help little men by tearing down big men.
  • You cannot lift the wage earner by pulling down the wage payer.
  • You cannot help the poor by destroying the rich.
  • You cannot establish sound security on borrowed money.
  • You cannot further the brotherhood of man by inciting class hatred.
  • You cannot keep out of trouble by spending more than you earn.
  • You cannot build character and courage by destroying men’s initiative and independence.
  • And you cannot help men permanently by doing for them what they can and should do for themselves.
Hat tip: The Conservative Pup

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Awww...Mondays #59

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A Redneck...

FINALLY! OVERALLS THAT FIT!
Just ask for the 'Southern Cut'
at Wal*Mart

  1. You take your dog for a walk and you both use the same tree.

  2. You can entertain yourself for more than 15 minutes with a fly swatter.

  3. Your boat has not left the driveway in 15 years.

  4. You burn your yard rather than mow it.

  5. You think 'The Nutcracker' is a vice on the work bench.

  6. The Salvation Army declines your furniture.

  7. You offer to give someone the shirt off your back and they don't want it.

  8. You have the local taxidermist on speed dial.

  9. You come back from the dump with more than you took.

  10. You keep a can of Raid on the kitchen table.

  11. Your wife can climb a tree faster than your cat.

  12. Your grandmother has 'ammo' on her Christmas list.

  13. You keep flea and tick soap in the shower.

  14. You've been involved in a custody fight over a hunting dog.

  15. You go to the stock car races and don't need a program.

  16. You know how many bales of hay your car will hold.

  17. You have a rag for a gas cap.

  18. Your house doesn't have curtains, but your truck does.

  19. You wonder how service stations keep their restrooms so clean?

  20. You can spit without opening your mouth.

  21. You consider your license plate personalized because your father made it.

  22. Your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand.

  23. You have a complete set of salad bowls and they all say 'Cool Whip' on the side.

  24. The biggest city you've ever been to is Wal*Mart.

  25. Your working TV sits on top of your non-working TV.

  26. You've used your ironing board as a buffet table.

  27. A tornado hits your neighborhood and does $100,000 worth of improvements.

  28. You've used a toilet brush to scratch your back.

  29. You missed your 5th grade graduation because you were on jury duty.

  30. You think fast food is hitting a deer at 65.
Hat tip: My sister ♥Debbie♥

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Adoption Defined

You want someone who will eat whatever you put in front of him and never say it's not quite as good as his mother's...
...then adopt a dog.

If you want someone always willing to go out, at any hour, for as long and wherever you want...
...then adopt a dog.

If you want someone who will never touch the remote, doesn't care about football, and can sit next to you as you watch romantic movies...
...then adopt a dog.

If you want someone who is content to get on your bed just to warm your feet and whom you can push off if he snores...
...then adopt a dog!

If you want someone who never criticizes what you do, doesn't care if you are pretty or ugly, fat or thin, young or old, who acts as if every word you say is especially worthy of listening to, and loves you unconditionally, perpetually...
...then adopt a dog.

BUT, on the other hand, if you want someone who will never come when you call, ignores you totally when you come home, leaves hair all over the place, walks all over you, runs around all night and only comes home to eat and sleep, and acts as if your entire existence is solely to ensure his happiness...,
...then adopt a cat!

Now be honest, you thought I was gonna say... marry a man, didn't you?

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Advice from Thieves

Thieves are everywhere...well they are in our area. Our neighbors are wonderful and we take care of each other. We are away quite a bit, but our property is not left unguarded. We have an alarm system that is always turned on when we leave. We don't answer the door to folks we don't know. When we have repair people in our home we lock everything of value up prior to their arrival and then they are in our sight the entire time they are here. Yes, they have used the restroom and that's the first place we check when they leave. If you are doing work outside, you aren't coming in to use the restroom. Trusting? We aren't trusting one bit. If you show up at our house unsolicited then we are immediately suspicious. Here's some really good advice from convicted thieves.
  1. Of course I look familiar. I was here just last week cleaning your carpets, painting your shutters, or delivering your new refrigerator.

  2. Hey, thanks for letting me use the bathroom when I was working in your yard last week. While I was in there, I unlatched the back window to make my return a little easier.

  3. Love those flowers. That tells me you have taste ... and taste means there are nice things inside. Those yard toys your kids leave out always make me wonder what type of gaming system they have.

  4. Yes, I really do look for newspapers piled up on the driveway. And I might leave a pizza flyer in your front door to see how long it takes you to remove it.

  5. If it snows while you're out of town, get a neighbor to create car and foot tracks into the house. Virgin drifts in the driveway are a dead giveaway.

  6. If decorative glass is part of your front entrance, don't let your alarm company install the control pad where I can see if it's set. That makes it too easy.

  7. A good security company alarms the window over the sink. And the windows on the second floor, which often access the master bedroom-and your jewelry. It's not a bad idea to put motion detectors up there too.

  8. It's raining, you're fumbling with your umbrella, and you forget to lock your door-understandable. But understand this: I don't take a day off because of bad weather..

  9. I always knock first. If you answer, I'll ask for directions somewhere or offer to clean your gutters. (Don't take me up on it.)

  10. Do you really think I won't look in your sock drawer? I always check dresser drawers, the bedside table, and the medicine cabinet.

  11. Helpful hint: I almost never go into kids' rooms.

  12. You're right: I won't have enough time to break into that safe where you keep your valuables. But if it's not bolted down, I'll take it with me.

  13. A loud TV or radio can be a better deterrent than the best alarm system. If you're reluctant to leave your TV on while you're out of town, you can buy a $35 device that works on a timer and simulates the flickering glow of a real television. (Find it at faketv.com.)

  14. Sometimes, I carry a clipboard. Sometimes, I dress like a lawn guy and carry a rake. I do my best to never, ever look like a crook.

  15. The two things I hate most: loud dogs and nosy neighbors.

  16. I'll break a window to get in, even if it makes a little noise. If your neighbor hears one loud sound, he'll stop what he's doing and wait to hear it again. If he doesn't hear it again, he'll just go back to what he was doing. It's human nature.

  17. I'm not complaining, but why would you pay all that money for a fancy alarm system and leave your house without setting it?

  18. I love looking in your windows. I'm looking for signs that you're home, and for flat screen TVs or gaming systems I'd like. I'll drive or walk through your neighborhood at night, before you close the blinds, just to pick my targets.

  19. Avoid announcing your vacation on your Facebook page. It's easier than you think to look up your address.

  20. To you, leaving that window open just a crack during the day is a way to let in a little fresh air. To me, it's an invitation.

  21. If you don't answer when I knock, I try the door. Occasionally, I hit the jackpot and walk right in.
Sources: Convicted burglars in North Carolina, Oregon, California, and Kentucky. Security consultant Chris McGoey; and Richard T. Wright, a criminology professor at the University of Missouri-St. Louis, interviewed 105 burglars for his book Burglars on the Job.

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