The Story Game

It's time to play The Story Game again. I just want you to have something entertaining to do if you swing by for a visit this weekend while I'm off boating. So play nice. Okay?

Here's how it works. I'll start a story. You continue it in comments. Each commenter picks up where the last left off. Next week I'll give it an ending and post our story with the links to everyone who participated under the heading, "Contributing Authors". You can play as many times as you want and the game will run all weekend. Thanks for playing along.

Here's the beginning of our new story: Her wedding date was rapidly approaching and Rachel knew she needed to tell her fiance that she couldn't marry him, but she was afraid that...

Smart Dog

Chester and Earl are going hunting. Chester says to Earl, "I'll send my dog out to see if there are any ducks out in the pond. If there aren't any ducks out there, I'm not going hunting."

So he sends the dog out to the pond. The dog comes back and barks twice.

Chester says, "Well I'm not going to go out. He only saw two ducks out there."

Earl says, "You're going to take the dog's barks for the truth?" Earl doesn't believe it, so he goes to look for himself. When he gets back he says, "I don't believe it where did you get that dog? There really are only two ducks out there!"

Chester says, "Well, I got him from the breeder up the road. If you want, you can get one from him, too."

So Earl goes to the breeder and says he wants a dog like the one his friend Chester has.

The breeder obliges and Earl brings the dog home, tells it to go out and look for ducks. Minutes later the dog returns with a stick in it's mouth and starts humping Earl's leg.

Outraged, Earl takes the dog back to the breeder and says, "This dog is a fraud. I want my money back!"

The breeder asks Earl what the dog did. So Earl tells him that when he sent the dog out to look for ducks, it came back with a stick in it's mouth and started humping his leg.

The breeder says, "Earl, all he was trying to tell you was that there are more f**king ducks out there than you can shake a stick at.

Stolen from: Hale McKay of It Occurred To Me

Tomorrows post: The Story Game

Lois' Cake Recipe

On February 16th Lois of Lowdown From Lois posted a delicious looking cake along with the recipe. The cake is called Mrs. Keller's Fudge Ribbon Cake. You can click on that link to get the recipe. Well, it had chocolate written all over it and how could any girl pass that up. I quickly printed the recipe and started whining to the husband (he's the baker), about how good this cake looks. He agreed to make the cake last Thursday night so we could take it to the boat for a small dinner party we were having on Friday evening.


Click on photographs to bigify.
The first picture is right before hubby took the cake out of the pan. It smelled so very good. The second one is out of the pan. Looks yummy doesn't it? We opted not to put the fudge frosting, but when we make it again it will have the frosting. Okay, I was thinking of the poundage. Put the fudge frosting on that baby. You can't have too much chocolate can you? The last picture is after we served up a few pieces to our guests. It was delicious and I would highly recommend this dessert. Thank a million Lois. Big hug.

Walking

Walking can add minutes to your life. This enables you, at 85 years old, to spend an additional 5 months in a nursing home at $7000 per month.

My grandpa started walking five miles a day when he was 60. Now he's 97 years old and we don't know where he is.

I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.

The only reason I would take up walking is so that I could hear heavy breathing again.

I have to walk early in the morning, before my brain figures out what I'm doing.

I joined a health club last year, spent about 400 bucks. Haven't lost a pound. Apparently you have to go there.

Every time I utter the dirty word,'exercise', I wash my mouth out with chocolate.

I do have flabby thighs, but fortunately my stomach covers them.

The advantage of exercising every day is so when you die, they'll say, 'Well, she looks good doesn't she?'

If you are going to try cross-country skiing, start with a small country.

I know I got a lot of exercise the last few years, just getting "over the hill."

We all get heavier as we get older, because there's a lot more information in our heads. That's my story and I'm sticking to it.

AND...

Every time I start thinking too much about how I look, I just find a Happy Hour and by the time I leave, I look just fine.

Stolen from: The Daily Planet

Leroy...

A woman walks into the downtown welfare office, trailed by 15 kids.

"Wow," the social worker exclaims, "Are they all yours?"

"Yep, they are all mine," the flustered momma sighs, having heard that question a thousand times before. She says, "Sit down Leroy." All the children rush to find seats.

"Well," says the social worker, "then you must be here to sign up. I'll need all your children's names."

"This one's my oldest: his name is Leroy."

"OK, and who's next?"

"Well, this one, he is Leroy, also."

The social worker raises an eyebrow but continues. One by one, through the oldest four, all boys, all are named Leroy. Then she is introduced to the eldest girl, named Leigh Roy!

"All right..." says the caseworker, "I'm seeing a pattern here. Are they all named Leroy?"

Their Momma replied, "Well, yes -- it makes it easier. When it is time to get them out of bed and ready for school, I yell, 'Leroy!' An' when it's time for dinner, I just yell 'Leroy!' an' they all comes a runnin.' An 'if I need to stop the kid who's running into the street, I just yell 'Leroy' and all of them stop. It's the smartest idea I ever had, namin' them all Leroy."

The social worker thinks this over for a bit and agrees, but then she wrinkles her forehead and says tentatively, "But what if you just want one kid to come, and not the whole bunch?"

"Oh, then I call them by their last names."

Hat tip: Shelly of This Eclectic Life

Awww...Mondays #6

Kimmie of Pretty Amazing Grace has started a new meme called Awww...Mondays. If you want to play along go ahead. It's easy, just find any awww photograph (it doesn't have to be taken by you), do a post and then head over to Kimmie's to let her know you are playing along. Here's my contribution for this week.


"AWWW MONDAYS" Participants

1. DrillerAA 2. twistedsister 3. Diane @ Good Mourning, Glory! 4. Cute Flowers 5. Colleen 6. Kimmie 7. Mike Golch 8. anthonynorth 9. Shinade

10. Barb 11. Furkidsmom 12. Lois 13. Ivanhoe 14. Lynda 15. Linda 16. Sherry 17. PaulsHealthBlog.com 18. Gennaro

19. mee mOe 20. April 21. Sarge Charlie 22. The BoBo 23. Speedcat Hollydale 24. Roger 25. Jeff B 26. gpartha 27. haha

Learn more about "AWWW MONDAYS" here.
View More "AWWW MONDAYS" Participants
Get The Code

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Findings

After a two-year long study, The National Science Foundation announced the following results on Corporate America's recreational preferences:

1. The sport of choice for male unemployed or incarcerated individuals is BASKETBALL.
2. The sport of choice for male maintenance level employees is BOWLING.
3. The sport of choice for male front-line workers is FOOTBALL.
4. The sport of choice for male supervisors is BASEBALL.
5. The sport of choice for male middle management is TENNIS.
6. The sport of choice for male corporate officers is GOLF.

Conclusion: The higher you are in the corporate structure, the smaller your balls become...

Not Quite Identical

Dan married a woman with an identical twin. Less than a year later, he was in court filing for a divorce.

"Tell the court why you want a divorce," said the judge.

"Well, your honor, every once in a while my sister-in-law would come over for a visit, and because she and my wife looked exactly alike, every once in a while I'd end up making love to her by mistake," said Dan.

"Surely there must be some difference between the two women." the judge said.

"You'd better believe there is a difference, your Honor. That's why I want the divorce."

Which One?

A young man excitedly tells his mother he's fallen in love and going to get married. He says, "Just for fun, Ma, I'm going to bring over three women and you try and guess which one I'm going to marry."

The mother agrees.

The next day, he brings three beautiful women into the house and sits them down on the couch and they chat for a while. He then says, "Okay, Ma, guess which one I'm going to marry."

She immediately replies, "The one in the middle."

"That's amazing, Ma. You're right. How did you know?"

"I don't like her."

Pay it Forward

I just found THIS at Speedcat Hollydale Page. Check this out!

The following is directly from the "Pay it Forward" entry by Wendster.

I got this idea from "My Little Corner of the World" ... please do stop and visit! This is how it works..... The first 3 people to leave a comment on this post will receive a hand made gift from me during this year. When and what will be a surprise. BUT, in order for you to leave a comment on my blog, you have to post this on your blog first. (That means that sometime during this year you will send a gift to 3 people as well.) Get it? So, the first 3 people to comment on this post will be the lucky ones!

Click HERE to comment!!!

Change...

Ole and Sven

Ole is a farmer in Minnesota . He is in need of a new milk cow and hears about a nice one for sale over in Nordakota (that would be North Dakota for you non-Scandahoovians out there).

He drives to Nordakota, finds the farm and looks at the cow. He reaches under to see if the cow gives milk. When he grabs a teat and pulls...the cow farts. Surprised, Ole looks at the farmer who's selling the cow, then reaches under to try again.

He grabs another teat, pulls, and the cow farts again. Milk does come out however, so after some discussion with the cow's current owner, Ole decides to buy the cow.

When he gets back to Minnesota , he calls over his neighbor, Sven, and says, 'Hey, Sven, come and look at dis ere new cow I yust bought. Pull her teat, and see vat happens.'

Sven reaches under, pulls the teat...the cow farts.

Sven looks at Ole and says, 'You bought dis here cow over in Nordakota, didn't yah?'

Ole is very surprised since he hadn't told Sven about his trip. Ole replies, 'Yah, dats right. But how did yah know?'

Sven says, 'My wife is from Nordakota too.'

Hat tip: My sister ♥Debbie♥

A Priest

A priest was being honored at his retirement dinner after 25 years in the parish. A leading local politician and member of the congregation was chosen to make the presentation and to give a little speech at the dinner. However, the politician was delayed, so the priest decided to say his own few words while they waited.

"I got my first impression of the parish from the first confession I heard here. I thought I had been assigned to a terrible place. The very first person who entered my confessional told me he had stolen a television set and, when questioned by the police, was able to lie his way out of it.

He had stolen money from his parents, embezzled from his employer, had an affair with his boss's wife, taken illegal drugs, and gave VD to his sister. I was appalled."

The shocked crowd murmured their disapproval of the miscreant among them.

"But," the old priest continued, "as the days went on I learned that my people were not all like that and I had, indeed, come to a fine parish full of good and loving people. "Just as the priest finished his talk, the politician arrived full of apologies at being late.

He immediately began to make the presentation and gave his talk: "I'll never forget the first day our parish priest arrived," he told the crowd, still at sharp attention after the priest's words. "In fact, I had the honor of being the first person to go to him for confession...

"The Moral: Never, ever be late when you're on the program.

Stolen from: Phils Phun

Awww...Mondays #5

Kimmie of Pretty Amazing Grace has started a new meme called Awww...Mondays. If you want to play along go ahead. It's easy, just find any awww photograph (it doesn't have to be taken by you), do a post and then head over to Kimmie's to let her know you are playing along. Here's my contribution for this week. Awww...ain't they cute?

1. Kimmie 2. twistedsister 3. Colleen 4. gpartha 5. Grampa Speedcat 6. Ron Russell 7. Short Attention Span 8. Anthony North 9. Shelly 10. DrillerAA

11. Pink Lady 12. Ivanhoe 13. Kat 14. Barb 15. Desert Songbird 16. Sandy B and Dick 17. Mimi Lenox 18. Mike Golch 19. Linda 20. Limoeg

21. Vodka Mom 22. CrAzY Working Mom 23. storyteller 24. Blog Tactic 25. Lynda 26. Hectic Capiznon Bloggers 2009 27. Funny Videos 28. What Does iPod Stand For? 29. Garden Bulbs

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The Comment Game

It's time to play the comment game again. I'm at the boat executing my second function as rear commodore. Okay, we are having a party and I set it up. Now play nice okay, and have a terrific weekend.

Here's how it goes: I'll start the game off at the bottom of this post by choosing two words or phrases, like coffee or tea, and which ever one you prefer you choose. You can also explain why. When you have done that you do two new words or phrases for the next commenter to choose from. Feel free to come back as often as you like. Just have fun. If someone derails the game will one of you put it back on track? Thanks.

First comment: Dog or cat?

Happy Valentine's Day

Grandma's book of valentines
Rekindles memory's flame,
Of days when she was just a girl
And life a happy game.

Each lace-edged card a getting bears
From friends of long ago,
Girls in gingham dresses
And that “special” Sunday beau.

It brings a twinkle to her eye,
Dissolving lines of age,
As we sit in the lamplight
And turn each well worn page.

It makes me kind of wonder
if perhaps some distant day,
A grandchild shall sit at my side
And leaf each page this way.

‘Cause I could sit for hours,
There at my grandma's knee,
And listen to the stories
That the valentines set free.

A book of antique valentines
That reaches black in time
To tell the tales of yesteryear
In illustrated rhyme.

Perspective

Pythagorean theorem: 24 words.

The Lord's prayer: 66 words.

Archimedes' Principle: 67 words.

The 10 Commandments: 179 words.

The Gettysburg address: 286 words.

The Declaration of Independence: 1,300 words.

The US Government regulations on
the sale of cabbage: 26,911 words.

Three Million

An elderly woman walked into the main office of Chase Manhattan Bank building, holding a large paper bag in her hand. She told the young man at the teller's window that she wished to deposit the $3 million in the bag and open an account at the bank. She said that first, though, she wished to meet the president of the bank due to the amount of money involved. The teller thought that to be a reasonable request, and, after opening the bag and seeing bundles of $1000 bills, which amounted to approximately $3,000,000, telephoned the bank president's secretary for an appointment for the lady.

The woman was escorted upstairs and ushered into the president's office. Introductions were made, and she stated that she liked to get to know people she did business with on a more personal basis. The president then asked her how she came into such a large sum of cash. "Was it inherited?" he asked. "No," she replied. He was quiet for several seconds, trying to think of where this elderly lady could possibly have come into $3 million. "I bet," she offered. "As in horses?". "No," she replied, "as in people". Seeing his confusion, she explained that she just bet on different things with people. Suddenly, she said, "I'll bet you 25,000 that by 10 o'clock tomorrow morning your balls will be square."

The bank president figured she must be off her rocker and decided to take her up on the bet. He didn't know how he could lose. For the rest of the day, he was extremely cautious--he decided to stay home that evening and take no chances. $25,000 was at stake.

When he got up in the morning and took his shower, he checked to make certain that everything was O.K. There was no change in his scrotal appearance. He looked the same as always. He went to his office and waited for the woman to come in at 10AM, humming as he went. He knew this was his lucky day. How often did he get handed $25,000 for doing nothing?

At 10 o'clock sharp, the woman was shown into his office. With her was a man. When the bank president asked her what the other man was with her for, she informed the president that he was her lawyer and she always took, him along when there was this much money involved in her betting.

"Well," she asked, "what about our bet?" "I don't know how to tell you this," he said, "but I'm the same as I've always been, only $25,000 richer." The old lady asked him to drop his pants so they could all see. The president complied. The old lady peered closely at his balls and then asked if she could feel them. "Well, okay," said the president, "$25,000 is a lot of money, so I guess you should be absolutely sure." Just then, he noticed that the lawyer was quietly banging his head against the wall. The president asked the old lady, "What's wrong with him?" She replied, "Nothing, except that I bet him $100,000 that by 10am today I'd have the Chase Manhattan Bank's president's balls in my hand."

Your Age

You are in the middle of some kind of project around the house mowing the lawn, putting a new fence in, painting the living room, or whatever.

You are hot and sweaty, covered in dirt or paint. You have your old work clothes on. You know the outfit - shorts with the hole in crotch, old T-shirt with a stain from who knows what, and an old pair of tennis shoes. Right in the middle of this great home improvement project you realize you need to run to Wal-Mart to get something to help complete the job.

Depending on your age you might do the following:

In your 20's:

Stop what you are doing. Shave, take a shower, blow dry your hair, brush your teeth, floss, and put on clean clothes. Check yourself in the mirror and flex. Add a dab of your favorite cologne because you never know, you just might meet some hot chick while standing in the checkout lane.

You went to school with the pretty girl running the register.

In your 30's:

Stop what you are doing, put on clean shorts and shirt. Change shoes.

You married the hot chick so no need for much else. Wash your hands and comb your hair. Check yourself in the mirror. Still got it. Add a shot of your favorite cologne to cover the smell.

The cute girl running the register is the kid sister to someone you went to school with.

In your 40's:

Stop what you are doing. Put a sweatshirt that is long enough to cover the hole in the crotch of your shorts. Put on different shoes and a hat. Wash your hands. Your bottle of Brute Cologne is almost empty so you don't want to waste any of it on a trip to Wal-Mart. Check yourself lf in the mirror and do more sucking in than flexing.

The spicy young thing running the register is your daughter's age and you feel weird thinking she is spicy.

In your 50's:

Stop what you are doing. Put a hat on, wipe the dirt off your hands onto your shirt. Change shoes because you don't want to get dirt in your new sports car. Check yourself in the mirror and you swear not to wear that shirt anymore because it makes you look fat.

The cutie running the register smiles when she sees you coming and you think you still have it. Then you remember the hat you have on is from Buddy's Bait & Beer Bar and it says, 'I Got Worms.'

In your 60's:

Stop what you are doing. No need for a hat anymore. Hose the dog shit off your shoes. The mirror was shattered when you were in your 50's. You hope you have underwear on so nothing hangs out the hole in your pants.

The girl running the register may be cute, but you don't have your glasses on so you are not sure.

In your 70's:

Stop what you are doing. Wait to go to Wal-Mart until they have your prescriptions ready, too. Don't even notice the dog shit on your shoes.

The young thing at the register smiles at you because you remind her of her grandfather.

In your 80's:

Stop what you are doing. Start again. Then stop again. Now you remember you needed to go to Wal-Mart. Go to Wal-Mart and wander around trying to think what it is you are looking for. Fart out loud and you think someone called out your name.

You went to school with the old lady who greeted you at the front door.

Hat tip: Nancy G.

:::Breaking News:::

In 2009 the government will start
deporting all the mentally ill people.

I started crying when I thought of you.
Run my little crazy friend, run!
Well, what can I say ??
I'm NOT going alone!!!
Hat tip: Mo of It's A Blog Eat Blog World

Awww...Mondays #4

Kimmie of Pretty Amazing Grace has started a new meme called Awww...Mondays. If you want to play along go ahead. It's easy, just find any awww photograph (it doesn't have to be taken by you), do a post and then head over to Kimmie's to let her know you are playing along.

1. Idaho Photo 2. Aww Flowers 3. Kimmie 4. Colleen 5. WillThink4Wine 6. Anthony North 7. DrillerAA

8. Tomas Karkalas 9. Lois Grebowski 10. Empress Bee (of the High Sea) 11. Ivanhoe 12. PaulsHealthblog 13. Dawn (Twisted Sister) 14. Linda

15. Annie 16. Sherry 17. Amazing Gracie 18. storyteller 19. Sandy B and Dick 20. Lynda

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Perfect Breakfast

  You're sitting at the breakfast table...
Your son's picture is on the box of Wheaties.
Your daughter is on the cover of Fortune.
Your boyfriend is on the cover of Playgirl.
Your husband is on the back of the milk carton.
Image Credit: Monster Munching

The Comment Game

It's time to play the comment game again. I'm going to rest and relax this weekend so I'll be around I just don't what to have to do much blogging. Shocking isn't it? Now play nice okay.

Here's how it goes: I'll start the game off at the bottom of this post by choosing two words or phrases, like coffee or tea, and which ever one you prefer you choose. You can also explain why. When you have done that you do two new words or phrases for the next commenter to choose from. Feel free to come back as often as you like. Just have fun. If someone derails the game will one of you put it back on track? Thanks.

First comment: Mountains or Ocean?

Pregnant

A woman went to her doctor for advice. She told him that her husband had developed a penchant for anal sex, and she was not sure that it was such a good idea.

“Do you enjoy it?” the doctor asked.

“Actually, yes, I do,” said the woman.

“Does it hurt you?” he asked.

“No. I rather like it,” she responded.

“Well, then,” the doctor continued, “there’s no reason that you shouldn’t practice anal sex, if that’s what you like, so long as you take care not to get pregnant.”

The woman was mystified. “What?! You can get pregnant from anal sex?”

“Of course,” the doctor replied. “Where do you think lawyers and politicians come from?”

Stolen from: Phil of Phils Phun

Show and Tell

Annie of A Nice Place In The Sun did a post about fashion disasters of the past. This could be clothing, hair or anything that you think is a fashion disaster today. Okay, everyone that knows me has heard me bitch about my mothers mandatory home perms. You think I'm kidding? Please keep the laughter down to a dull roar. Here's the first disaster...

I would beg my mother not to give me a perm, but I always lost the battle. I cringe every time I think about those days. What in the blazes was I wearing here? Good grief it looks awful.

Then came the 70s and it was all about big hair. The bigger the better. Don't forget the curls, because they were the best part. Oh Lord. What a dork! The little man in the picture is my only child Richard.

Keep in mind that my natural color of hair is dishwater blonde. During this period I insisted on jet black hair. What was I thinking? This was my do for several years and then I went for black, straight and it hung to my waist. I was the typical flower child.

These two I'm throwing in because it was the glamor shots that were so in fashion in the late 80s early 90s. Now my hair was very short and way too blonde. I thought I looked so hot though.

What was I thinking?

Thank you Annie for such a fun and embarrassing little show and tell. I'm guessing all of us have photographs that we aren't all that crazy about. Yeah, that's my story and I'm sticking to it. Oh and you can click on any photograph to biggify. It won't make them look better though. Annie you may take any and all for your Show and Tell post. Love you honey.

The City Slicker

A city slicker bought some land in the country and decided he was going to take up chicken farming. He headed out to the local poultry dealer and said, “I’m taking up farming. Give me 100 baby chickens.” The salesman crated up the chickens for him and he went on his way.

The next week the new farmer showed up at the poultry dealer again and said, “Give me 200 baby chickens.” He took his chickens and headed back to the farm.

Again, a week later he was back for more. This time he said, “Hmm, give me 300 baby chickens.”

“A good supply,” the salesman commented. “You must be doing really well!”

“Nah, doing terrible,” said the man with a sigh. “I can’t figure out if I’m planting them too deep or too far apart!”

Father Donovan

Every Sunday Father Donovan, a preacher at a small church in the little town of Juniper, MO, tried to make the Bible accessible to his congregation through his sermons.

On this particular Sunday, Father Donovan proclaimed, "If you ever feel adrift in the sea of life, just turn to the Bible for guidance. All life's experiences are immortalized in the good book, and it will help you find your way to shore."

After church Mrs. Francis approached the preacher and said, "Father Donovan, I don't think every life experience is in the Bible. Nowhere in the Bible have I ever read about PMS."

Father Donovan had never heard such a comment, so that night he sifted through the Bible to see if Mrs. Francis was right.

Next Sunday Father Donovan pulled Mrs. Francis aside after church and said, "I wasn't wrong last Sunday when I said that every life experience is mentioned in the Bible."

"Okay, Father. Where does it say anything about PMS?"

Father Donovan opened up his Bible and showed her a passage that read: "And Mary rode Joseph's ass all the way to Bethlehem."

Awww...Mondays #3

Kimmie of Pretty Amazing Grace has started a new meme called Awww...Mondays. Even though she is taking a few days off from blogging, I'm still going to post my entry. If you want to play along go ahead. Just go over to Kimmie's site and leave a comment saying you played anyway. I'll wager that will make her feel very good.

1. Gandalf and Grayson 2. Suzanne 3. BB MARKET PLACE 4. PaulsHealthBlog.com 5. Colleen 6. Mike Golch 7. Paula

8. Annie 9. Lynda 10. Vodka Mom 11. Storyteller 12. Empress Bee (of the High Sea) 13. Julia Smith 14. Lois Grebowski

15. Sarge Charlie 16. Periwinkle Studio 17. Idaho Photo 18. EASYRACING 19. SpeedyCAT Hollywoods !!

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The Wife

A man wanted to determine if both his wife and mistress were faithful to him. So he decided to send them on the same cruise, then later question each one on the others behavior.

When his wife returned, he asked her about the people on the trip in general, then casually asked her about the specific behavior of the passenger he knew to be his mistress. "She slept with nearly every man on the ship," his wife reported.

The disheartened man then rendezvoused with his cheating mistress to ask her the same questions about his wife.

"She was a real lady," his mistress said.

"How so?" the encouraged man asked.

"She came on board with her husband and never left his side."